Review Detail of SnowyRQueen in Cerin
Review detail
Im actually surprised. @Authour at the start your writing was a bit lacklustre but now it flows really well and the story is quite interesting. Need to watch out on how you set the scene/conflicts though. There is a really good basis for a plot and it really interests me but there is a minor issue in structure of writing which makes it less cohesive. Hmm i enjoyed how the story develops the characters, Serene was done so well, but still really wanting to see the other characters you gave lines to like the gym leader or dean. Be careful with fleshing out your character, the chapter with the dean/ at the uni served no purpose to the plot and could be written in a condensed form.
Cerin
HavenCustos
Liked by 3 people
LIKEReplies4
Feel free to ignore me im not a writer but as a reader there is sometimes a "jerk" in the writing. Personally, the shift between perspective in cerin gets angry and cerin arrives on time is not done that well and left me a bit confused on which character did what. This also is due to the set up of scenes. It not a major issue, but its the star that gets you to 4. I think you need to spend slightly more time in setting up the conflict or "turning" points in the story. I cant really pin point what the exact issue is as i said im not a writer. Im pretty sure these issue will sort themselves out as you continue to write and your doing a great job at developing your own writing so far.
HavenCustos:Thanks for the reveiw! but whats the minor issue?
Wait not the setting up thats the issue, it to have more words when the massive "turning" point like cerin coming in to save the day. Like to describe what cerin was feeling before she took action, it adds more impact to the her bursting in.
HavenCustos:Thanks for the reveiw! but whats the minor issue?
thanks. :)) ill take it into consideration as i keep writing. :) rlly do appreciate the feed back so dont be shy to comment. :))
SnowyRQueen:Wait not the setting up thats the issue, it to have more words when the massive "turning" point like cerin coming in to save the day. Like to describe what cerin was feeling before she took action, it adds more impact to the her bursting in.