Review Detail of Maromar in Duality

John Yao has awakened, may death touch his enemies! Duality is an isekai reincarnation novel that dips moderately into cultivation and very lightly into litRPG elements. Its setup immediately provides a cushion for any overcompetance by making the protagonist a veteran U.S. Army Ranger who made it into the special forces and then the CIA. In my opinion, there are far too many works in the genre that feature a **** (and sometimes even a tween!) that makes the decisions necessary to survive in a hostile world without any kind of remorse, repression, or shock. It's become disgustingly common. The consensus is to let it be when a modern fourteen-year-old gouges someone's eyes out without having nightmares about it for years when the most hardened of veterans come back from war with PTSD. With John already being an adjusted professional I find it easier to give him a pass when he kills without a following bout of introspection. Duality has an intriguing method for dealing with themes of racism and otherism. That is, the text doesn’t “deal” with it at all, but serves it with all the subtlety of a three-legged giraffe on acid. This is a good thing given the world he’s reincarnated into. Racial discrimination and supremacist beliefs are naked in the North and so the narrative matches it rather than offering a one-off mention and not confronting the issue. Potentially contentious aspects need to be confronted directly, lest the story disrespects them. JohnnyKbca appears to understand this. The piece has clear ideas, some solid points of logic, and a willingness to look at uncomfortable topics in the eyes. That’s where my praise ends, though. Duality needs some love on the mechanical side. The narrative often repeats information or stutters between the past and present. The repetition is particularly damaging when mentions of Southern characters' race and physical descriptions crop up. It’s enough to establish that they are dark-skinned and treated differently due to the fact, doing so constantly with few paragraphs between instances throws readers out of the story, especially in cases where that isn’t the main focus. To some readers, this might seem like the text is fishing for points of some kind, but the issue is one of overwriting, not author tract. Readers might pay particular attention to where it’s present alongside racial issues due to our trained sensitivities (I caught myself and ended up reading the story a second time to make sure, I’m glad I didn’t jump to conclusions) Take this selection for example: “As for his religion, she learned more about it. The Holy Flame was seen as the greatest power in the universe and the creator of life. Since the beginning of time, it has been in conflict with its antithesis, the False Flame. According to their holy scriptures, the Holy Flame created all lifeforms and humanity was the perfect one. Envious of this fact, the False Flame attempted to create its own humans but was incapable of doing so.” While functional, it doesn’t flow. A lot of English geeks would end the commentary there, attributing good flow to something that you get a knack for producing naturally. They are wrong. Flow is just an overall impression that comes from the clarity of language, economy of words, and structure variation. It’s purely mechanical. Trimming the selection and using stronger language paints a more vivid scene and improves the flow. Observe: “Their “Holy Flame” was the greatest power to exist. It molded all life from its embers, lauding humanity as its most perfect creation. Incapable of such a feat, the False Flame fought eternally against its antithesis in a conflict born of jealous rage.” Not the cleanest but it does get rid of the uncertain language, allowing more of the imagery to come through and condenses two paragraphs into one. It also cuts out 35 words. This doesn’t seem like a lot at first face but when applied to the entire text it adds up. Note that in the original, the fact that the Holy Flame created life is mentioned twice, some readers might glance over this, but when touching vulgar or taboo subjects it stands out. You’ll notice that the narrative uses perspective shifts rather often. This is good for peeking at secondary characters or even elements of the scenery to get angles that the main character can’t provide. It is very hard to pull off in a manner that doesn’t do more harm than good. In Duality’s case, we get head jumping at strange times with little benefit. A particularly severe example can be found when John encounters a thief in the forest. There’s a constant back and forth that delivers much of the same information a single perspective could with a delivery that feels broken up due to the number of times the readers have to reorient themselves. An example that’s more up in the air lies in the large section devoted to Dene’s early days in the North where we learn about and empathize more with her than John. The story, however, isn’t done yet; lodging a complaint on that end doesn’t seem fair. I will say that careful consideration needs to be paid to the amount of time spent on flashbacks and alternative perspectives overall. If overused, the story will become messy and laborious to follow. Other more minor but still damaging issues include misuse of commas, odd word choice, some inconsistent capitalization in the earlier chapters, and overuse of alternative dialogue tags. In its current state, I find it difficult to say whether or not I’d recommend Duality. The issues stated are much more pronounced before the 17th chapter where the quality takes a jump for the better. I believe that the story would do well with a few days worth of editing to bring the entire piece to a consistent level and iron more of the glaring issues out. Failing that, I’d recommend rewriting or deleting the earlier chapters entirely, as drastic a solution that may sound. Duality is not a bad piece by Webnovel’s standards, it just feels like it can be pushed to be much more. To that end, I sincerely hope that JohnnyKbca isn’t disheartened by my review, but sees this as an indication of their potential as a writer. Keep being awesome.