Review Detail of Hoteno in my dream game

Writing is a blessing and reading is a bliss. You have been blessed, you have a story in mind and I can seem to understand a little bit of what you are trying to convey. The first and critical problem you have to solve is ENGLISH(grammar, how to write your thoughts into words). In any case, you should still write and continue. I can visualize your writing/story xD. The story itself is what the most matter 2nd is the writing. After you finished the story you can slowly work on how to make us readers clearly understand your World. Struggle to live and wish to always exist, treading between life and death will/can cause your breakthrough and one day will become Emperor of Novel xD. **: sorry for grammar and my english :P Notes : I think you should name your character : Introduce your character and imitate the other novels like *Thud* *Thud* "Where am i" _____(name) said. "WELCOME TO LIFE-A-DESTINY" .... : When the characters are talking always put apostrophe/quote("") : Also read novels of the same genre or with robotic/ai/system talking like World of the Magus World maybe it helps