Review Detail of Vegahime in System...I Really Don't Care[BL]

There are several flaws that reduce this story from being great, to just being mearly decent. No story build up, zero romance, no measured story progression. You meet the ML pretty much as soon as you arrive in the world and then they're almost in each others pants by the third or forth chapter. It feels like a one night stand rather than a love that lasts lifetimes. There's not enough info when introducing the world and any side characters you meet that are not the MCs opponents are one dimensional, they feel like they're cut out from cardboard and are only there to fill a role, after which you quickly forget them. The writing and grammar, however, are great. The storytelling is what needs more work. If the author reads this, please do not be discouraged. I'm writing this review because I believe with more work this story has what it takes to be absolutely fantastic. I hope you can please take my comments as constructive criticism.