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Review Detail of Officepony in A Rattling Monster [Completed] (Editing in Progress)

Review detail

Officepony
OfficeponyLv145yrOfficepony

Not sure where all the 5-stars are coming from, but the story is decent. The writing quality is pretty bad. It's written more in the style of a semi-literate RPG found on some web forums than an actual story. Story narration happens in parenthesis which just throw you out of the story with a small montage style bit of information that could have easily been incorporated into the actual story itself instead of breaking the immersion. Dialogue is usually on prefaced with a dash (-) instead of quotation marks (") making them appear as more of a bullet-point presentation instead of actual dialogue. Descriptions are a bit lacking giving only really a bare-bones picture. Updates are good at the pace they are coming, no qualms here. If the story quality improves The story itself is promising and while over-done could really carry some weight if the writing quality improves. The character designs need a bit of work. While it may just be a problem with the writing not being descriptive enough, I don't really get a sense for any character personality aside from the MC and the initial interaction with the Goddess. The world building is weak. I can't really get a sense for where in the world the MC is, not for any interconnectedness between environments. This might just be because there are too few chapters to make any real connections yet (some stories need quite a while to really link places together). All in all, it's not too bad, but it could be better, mostly if the writing quality improves.

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A Rattling Monster [Completed] (Editing in Progress)

Innovation

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Innovation
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(-) comes from my main language, won't change it for anything in the world. I just can't, i learn it that way. Description are lacking, yes, clearly. I don't think since the story is in the First Person most of the time, someone will particulary describe the smallest grass that he encounters. He just see grass or a tree looking like a oak. He see some armors, made of steel maybe with a detail. That's what i think, but in general yes the details are lacking. Mc doesn't have a personality, yes. He most of the time react on the moment, and doesn't follow a patern. But at least he is rigid in his way of thinking and always try to gain the most of any situation. And he doesn't do something without having thinking of the benefits of his action. The world building, i don't know what you expect. I always indicated the different regions. He has go south at the undead cave. Meet Ronta, later we learn that North there is the dwarf, East forest of Fairy with elf a little bit north. After that the desert, with djinn north, Tomb King middle and Krieg South. He goes West again, and reenter the elf forest. i mean, i can't do more than that. Where are you lost? The only thing i didn't precise is where the ratmen are. Just in a dwarf mountain, one of the two the dwarves have lost. Then characters, i created the Seven Gods of Destruction that are gone away, i created the link between everyone in Ronta, and some of their stories, i created the history of the Portal War from each point of view, to progressively discover all its secrets. As for the story, well the world has a background, the MC wants to survive and grow stronger. That's standard, a little bit plain maybe, but first novel. Maybe that doesn't deserve a 5/5, maybe that deserve only a mere 2.5/5. But you don't have to judge the other reviews. That's not your job, if they like it, love it, hate it, you are not someone who has a word to say about it.