Item: Journey of an Overcomer
Rating: 5
Author: SupremeOverlord123

SupremeOverlord123Lv46yr

2018-09-24 10:24

I just want to see how op the MC will get and you should show the cultivation realms and I hope you do improve your writing and I want to read more chapter’s.

Journey of an Overcomer

CCME

Not enough ratings

1 Chs

Liked by 2 people

Replies1

CCMEAuthor

Oh thank you for leaving a review! I am still stuck thinking of the cultivation realms and etc, but I will work hard! If you have any suggestion or advice please do tell me! Have a good day.

6yr

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MerrinnnnnnLv4

Stop going on hiatus dmmt! Anyways, try to check your work since so far the only thing wrong with this is grammar! Nice concept! I mean everything with god in the title and system is bound to be good. Everything is slow and steady with the reader being able to experience the scene exactly as how the character experienced it because of the detail. Just think of a way to balance the growth with the story progression!

6yr

Red_TempestLv4

You have a solid start. I want to give some tips but I am not an expert write so this is just what I think. First, I understand that English in not your native language. If you get some free-time I would recommend that you improve your English. But don't worry there is a lot you can do to make your novel better. You use too many (he) . He stepped back, He did this, He did that. etc.. I would use the MC name more because it is confusing if you use He all the time. Also the sentences are really short because of this. You can still use "he" just less. Second, I think you should clarify what you mean by "Other-half". Are you referring to the person that used to have his new body? What is the name of that person? Why isnt his brothers, Grandpa calling by his name? How did he know what everything was in this new world? Third, I do not think it is a good Idea to give the system a name. It feels weird when he calls system Jack. I keep thinking Jack is a person and not the system. Also when you are switching people in dialogue use a line break. Like when Jack and Ji is speaking. It is confusing to figure out who said what. Also take it slow. He is in another world. I think you should spend some more time to understand this new world and describe everything. He is already trying to build a shop? All in all, I think you are making a great effort. Writing skill is something everybody needs to work hard to develop. You have taken step one so keep at it. P.S: If you are having a hard time with world building then why not write a fan-fiction? Many writers start with fan-fictions because it is easier to practice. Just pick you favorite novel and write in that world. This is just my humble opinion. I am not an expert.

6yr

DucatoLv15

Despite being one chapter I am very intrigued by the start. It starts very nice, and I can't wait for more chapters to come^^ So keep up the good work^^

6yr

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