Review Detail of randomgal23 in

Hi there! I just want to give an honest review in order for you to improve the quality of your story :) I hope you dont find this offensive and hurtful. To be honest, I find the story of the theme is interesting and has potentials... That is a good thing because every story needs a theme. But if you ask me about the narration of the story itself, it doesn't really give a large impact on readers and the developement of the story if very fast. The reason why it doesnt give an impact, it is because of the introduction of you chapter 2... Its like youre simply giving out how the character lives and then suddenly jumps into another scene in which is something that doesnt catch you within the hook. I hope you just be patient when writing this story :) P.S. I hope you are not offended by my honesty :) I just really hope that you could improve and please dont take this negatively. P.S.S. Its good that there are small grammatical errors and keep it up! Its just the story development and the world background you need to work out :)