Review Detail of yuhyeenie in Blue Star Cultivator
Review detail
Ill give you my honest review so that you can improve quite a bit. WRITING QUALITY: 3 stars - It's because there a lot of grammatical errors in your story. There are some sentence fragments that doesn't complement the whole idea of your sentence, like 'Hartley woke up, he laid in bed looking at the ceiling, his muscles were sore.' in your chapter one, i will try to edit this part so that the sentences will complement on how Hartley woke up, 'Hartley woke up on the bed with his muscles sore.' just keep it plain and short when describing on how Hartley woke up. I want to remind you, chapter one gives off the first impression, you need to make your first chapter interesting and has the ability to bring in more readers. I find your first chapter not that interesting, I think, it is because on how you build the structure of your world... if you want people to imagine what you are imagining while writing, add more details with the world background.
Blue Star Cultivator
amazingfabs
Liked by 6 people
LIKEReplies6
Yeah...the first five or six chapters I quickly typed out at work just for fun during breaks, I didn't even proof read them before publishing them, The later chapters I took more time and I think the writing quality improves a lot..Thanks for the critique, I'll redo those chapters when I find some time.
I wish I could actually write that bunch of ideas in one chapter during breaks... guess, I need to practice
amazingfabs:Yeah...the first five or six chapters I quickly typed out at work just for fun during breaks, I didn't even proof read them before publishing them, The later chapters I took more time and I think the writing quality improves a lot..Thanks for the critique, I'll redo those chapters when I find some time.
Your writing has an amazing sense of action. I also like how descriptive you are. As the other reviewers pointed out, your writing could use some editing. Like when you describe dusk as between night and day when it’s supposed to be day and night. There was also one paragrah where you described the location as building at the foot of the mountain > then the room. I think you should have gone mountain > building > room so that in the reader’s mind, he is zooming in on the location. Nevertheless, the way you describe fight scenes is really amazing. I can really picture how the scene plays out inside my head. Keep writing please as I am keen to find out how Hartley goes on to become an immortal
amazingfabs:Yeah...the first five or six chapters I quickly typed out at work just for fun during breaks, I didn't even proof read them before publishing them, The later chapters I took more time and I think the writing quality improves a lot..Thanks for the critique, I'll redo those chapters when I find some time.
First, no it's not harem. He is ruthless to everyone in equal measure. To be honest this is a break away from the cringy fetch quests and a MC who is always obliged to save a world that has never given him a helping hand. Its a more action oriented story instead of heavy drama.
The content has been deleted
First, no it's not harem. He is ruthless to everyone in equal measure. To be honest this is a break away from the cringy fetch quests and a MC who is always obliged to save a world that has never given him a helping hand. Its a more action oriented story instead of heavy drama.
The content has been deleted