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Kenlinvert_L
Kenlinvert_LLv14yr
2020-09-12 09:53

Hey there! Good day for writing! If you wanted to see whether you can get paid by distributing the current work or getting financial support by writing new work, you might want to contact avarohm_review@outlook.com. A brief introduction, some sample chapters or links will be appreciated when reaching out.

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Kimmyah
KimmyahLv5

First of all, I viewed your story in a reader's POV and not as a professional or something so you may find some fault in my review. There's something that I need to point out and here it goes: Just like what you said here in your review and author's note, the prologue was really too much to handle. It doesn't (you know) pull a reader to read the next chapters. Prologue is an introduction, you did a good job in it as a whole, I like how you ended it but you should tone down on your choices of word (I think it is the main reason that it's hard for a reader like me to continue, there's a lot of words that I don't understand hahaha) Aside from that, on your chapter 4 (the filler chapter) there's a phrase that has been bugging me for a while so I will point it out "You cannot afford to be heard, even when you are injured - especially when you injured. Bla bla" The part where you said especially when you injured, I feel that there's something lacking on it or it's entirely wrong but anyhow I hope you can fix it because it makes the reader confused. Other than that, I like how you narrate your story (You did a great job on it!) , especially when you're describing the things or the background, it makes the story realistic because the reader can also imagine the places, the person and etc. Overall, keep up the good work fellow author! I'll try to finish your story, I'm still in Chapter 6 and all I could say is the storyline is great so far. P.S please do keep in mind that I'm not familiar with this genre, so if you find fault on the things that I said, you can just disregard it.

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