Review Detail of Remteldanmarkius in The Online World

I really would like to give five stars for the entirety, I really do. However, I can't. The writing quality is somewhat poor with run-on sentences everywhere, and sentence structures being quite bizarre. It seems like I'm reading a book in essay form instead of a free-flow style, it throws me off quite a bit. Even though I couldn't spot many grammar errors, the story could definitely use more help by being a lot more separate by small individual events, rather than grouping a lot together to make a certain sentence. One example is when the old man was screaming and then beckoned for the random henchmen to start shooting. It's rather compact, when it would work to demonstrate the ******* in the air. At best, it seems like I'm not actually getting any kind of immersion at all. I don't feel like I'm actually sympathizing with anyone in the story, and it sucks, because there's potential to be found, even with what you claim to be a 'cliche plot'. There's really some ideas that can work. The idea of Earth dying and a billionaire willing to sell his soul so that he could save the world, that's an idea that could get somewhere after all. The second chapter is kinda weird. It jumps to another person's perspective, and while this writing idea can work, I didn't get very far because it was a very large jump. I hardly was capable of sympathizing with the character because the interest wasn't there anymore. While I could understand what the train of logic is, it's not very much for me. Another issue I have with the story is how there's random notes in the writing as well. They're not very helpful. Rather, they're incredibly invasive and it ruins my chances to enjoy reading the webnovel you've set up here. The first chapter had one offense in this manner. The second chapter had a bit more, and at the beginning, which can much ward off people who wants to read the book and get immersed: it ruins the atmosphere and just doesn't seem to fit at all. In your author's note, you mentioned that the word count was going to be small, and that you were planning to keep a stockpile to get a free cover page. While that is admirable, I highly suggest that the focus should be more on the writing aspect than getting a free artwork. I am quite willing to change my review upon the moment that you edit the story so that the flow is better, and so that way I can easily read the webnovel you are producing without feeling lost. I wanted to enjoy this, I really do. There's still potential and a lot of ideas that can sprout from this setup. I honestly give my best wishes to you, and I sincerely hope you don't take this constructive review as random hate, because it's really not, I just legitimately want to read your novel without feeling lost or completely out of it.