Review Detail of LittleRedsWolf in IN THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE WITH MY KILLING SYSTEM

You need to add a synopsis on the main page for readers to know what your story is about or to make them interested. In the first chapter, you repeatedly state the same thing in subsequent paragraphs. David brought his food in and went to the basement. he went to the basement and stored his food, etc. You had stated his parents left him and his dog. I would suggest taking the paragraphs about this and condensing them a bit. Maybe use a thesaurus to find better or different words to use. Abandoned is a good one to fit the situation. If you clean up your writing style a little, the story will flow better. It currently reads kind of stilted, somewhat like reading an actors' script. Overall, it's not bad for your first story. I would suggest using grammerly. You can also read your story out loud to yourself. Your mind will pick out things that don't sound or read right. I'm going to add this to my library to see how it develops.