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Review Detail of Darklight11 in HP - Thomas Lamorak

Detalhe da revisão

Darklight11
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I tend not to read stories until at least +15 chapters so I began this one today. Right off the start in the first few chapters I was getting confused on the intended age of the MC from point of ritual to then being taken care of. During the pre-Hogwarts chapters I took things with a grain of salt. There were setups for a friendship with Hermonie which seemed to disappear somehow in subsequent chapters to completely not even mentioning her during train/sorting/interactions thereafter, a new OC which so far isn't too bad but I think using the name Knott will confuse many with the Nott family so perhaps a different name, and some background setting for the MC with prior magic family heritage. I liked the idea of this Harry Potter AU, but there are too many holes with the MC for my taste. I'd suggest a rewrite of the story and plan things out better and eliminate the unneeded parts. I'd highly suggest remove the whole reincarnator aspect because the character certainly doesn't act like an adult and some things seem to forced. If you wanted to keep Felix dead I can understand, just felt too rushed to do a few chapters of it being born and with the reincarnator aspect felt wrong/forced in the way it happened.

HP - Thomas Lamorak

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Appreciate your take, its my first ever time writing. I Think i will continue it, and when the first portion of the story is complete then go back and clean it up.