The most significant issue surges from the lack of story development, The Author tries to create an environment where we can empathize with Jerry and the mc. This alone would be perfect, but it falls into the common mistake of telling and not showing, summed up with the lack of progression, becomes tiring and boring. That doesn't mean it's not worth a try. On the contrary, I root to see where it goes.
hizer0778
Curtido por 1 pessoas
GOSTARSure, "Showing" means to describe a scene and paint a vivid image of it, so the reader can immerse himself in the reading and take his conclusions instead of giving a simple statement or adjective of something. Imagine how the character would act or how the scene would look without you knowing what's happening, and describe it with the luxury of details. For example, when he sees Jerry's life, you could describe how he physically reacts instead of telling us his emotions. I hope it helps.
hizer0778:thanking you for your insights, can you tell what you mean by showing