Review Detail of MansonFD7 in Bounty of The Stars

It does interested me in the first 2 chapter. But the info dumps sometimes breaking my immersion of the reading, as if I'm reading a college/school thesis instead of reading an imaginative book.So My only suggestion is:1. Get to the point and show us what the character doing/feel/experiencing2. Try to make the sentences felt hyperbolic/dramatic3. Prioritize show don't tell (Because I see you're using tell over show like I've mentioned previously)4. Separate the dialogue from the sentences.Example:He/she doing/feel/experiencing something, and then he said/asked/explained."Bla bla bla."You got what I meant? This will make it easier to read.5. Rephrase the complicated sentences. (Maybe using Quillbot will make it easier. Considering it was 9/10$ per month).I do have faith that this book will be good, as long as you had to fix it and try to re-read the sentences you deemed to be difficult to read.I hope this'll help.