For a first time novel, the writing quality is quite surprising, and is way better than my work when I first started. Naturally, with this being the first piece, it has the issues every first piece has. That being poor grammar and questionable sentence structure. Punctuation is in the wrong place, and some of the word choice is questionable. As for the characters, they are pretty good, even if some of them fall victim to tropes. (The guy has a motorcycle because why not) There aren't any issues that haven't already been addressed, so I'll just say that you have natural talent, and you'll want to work on word choice, grammar, sentence structure, and perhaps some character traits.
Curtido por 2 pessoas
GOSTAR