Review Detail of ExArgentum in Harry Potter: The Mad Duellist

I think you’re doing well with this story. Something I would like to point out with the writing is that it doesn’t focus on the present events, rather it leans more in the inner thoughts. The issue with the writing at the moment is the constant monologue after every event. It disrupts the dialogue and inhibits the flow. Furthermore, it’s really long. It’s like those anime fights where, within each slash and each second, there’s an entire conversation between the protagonist and enemy. I would recommend you cut down on the length and focus more on the current in each dialogue. The plot is enjoyable at the moment. Good job.