There are many things to say about this novel and the first is definitely to congratulate you on creating the whole world. And on having the idea. Not sure how your mind works but it must be a pretty interesting place 😁 The characters are very interesting. I can’t say I'm really fond of Hiro but I adored Luge and Maiko. As for regarding the writing, there are some mistakes but nothing that will stop a reader from enjoying tour work. I would just recommend you to re-read your story so that you can edit the few inconsistencies. All in all, it is a light, funny story for people who want to take a break and read something different.
Blue_Crow
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GOSTAR