Review Detail of Chryiss in Black on the Moon

Not bad for a start! Akim's character is fleshed out a little here, so that's great. The writing as well is pretty good with just a few minor errors. You have a good amount of detail and already set up the basic premises for the plot. The only part that confusing and needed a little more elucidation is where he's going down the stairs and he returns back to the scene from (possibly) his dreams(?). So he's awake in real life, but he somehow gets transported or hallucinates/envisions the previous scene/location with the girl? Anyway, good start! Just make sure to hit that 10,000 word count before the contest period is over in order to qualify!