Happy_Pony_9464

thank you for the new chapters. Damn impressive to be able to restart after a hiatus of a few months.

Oooooh what a nice surprise update! Thank you !!!!!

Nice fun story, a bit childish at time for comedic purpose but it wasn’t too unsuferable, i just took it as comedy and rolled with it. Complete english sentences, no paragraphes but one sentence liners (in fully understandable english). Frequent misgendering tho. Overall, a simple but fun story, not pretentious, providing a few hours of entertainment. I just hope the author doesn’t abandon it after getting married.

Thanks for the story, but i see the last update was 4 months ago, do you plan on continuying? I fell sorry seeing you pleading for comments and no one commenting innprevious chapters, so here’s one and i voted too. I don’t know why this is not more popular, it was a fun ride. But i suggest you to go back and fix some of the misgendering that are too frequent (like ”She” or ”Her” for a man).

Excellent story worth a shot. Complete english sentences with paragraphes, good writing style and rare typos. For an ukrainian who might not even be a native english speaker, it’s quite an achievment. The first chapters have more descriptions and inner monologues because it’s a dungeon story, but it soon switch to a better balance with actions and dialogues. Good world building, and great attention from the author to build a consistant magic system bringing enougth originality to stand out compared to generic magic fantasy stories. It’s called ”The origin of dungeons” and explores how such a world came to be. It’s therefor a bit weird how there are some inconsistancies or even contradictions between the actions and the established personality of the MC. It tickles me a bit, but you guys will probably overlook it just fine. I do warn the author that a too apathic MC that turns into just a camera for the readers makes for a boring story tho. An MC needs motivations, drive and agency, else the author will have to cheat too much and pile up the plot armor and coincidencies to push the story forward, turning the MC into a raft without sail pushed and dragged around by the tempest. Overall a great start and i recommend you give it a try.

So, the first delve had 2 crippled explorers good for retirement. The second one had like 8 deaths, and this one 3. You have a town of post apocalyptic survivors, than you burn it and the survivors escape to a makeshift camp that is then assaulted by a beast tide and crazed cultists. Then you keep killing the rest in your dungeon. How many humans have you left... none. It’s not sustainable. Weirdly, Lan insist humans are no different from beasts, which is blatantly untrue. They are a rare and dwindling ressource of vital mental mana that he is wasting. You have a pair of dogs? You get 6 more dogs every year. You have a couple of beast and apparently it’s even faster than that with life magic injections. It doesn’t work like that for humans. And Lan was shown having the type of personality to naturally want to heal wounded beasts. It was a natural inclination that was established. The unjust treatment and desdain towards humans is unfounded so far within the story, and counter to the interests of Lan that needs them to grow.

Daaaaaamn, fate is harsh on poor Ukraine.

When a tree thinks faster than you, you’re reaaaaally slow Mr. 5-threads-SuperComputer.

So sad to see so many ”mental mana generators” dying. It takes 15 years to replace a human, and in a hostile environment you need multiple kids for 1 to reach that age. In a post apocalyptic world, every life lost is irreplaceable. Healing magic might help with wounds and hopefully diseases, but the general environment with beasts already has a serious deathtoll... so with the death rate shown so far for the dungeon, i fear it isn’t sustainable in the long run for this dwindling community of survivors, and the dungeon might have to change his stance on human delver casualties. Or maybe life mana injections for sped up breeding might work on humans too? ”Dagger reverse grip”. So you have a toothpick, and then you reverse grip it so its range is now in the negative. Now it reaches even less than your extended fist. ”blood flickering”, ”wiping blood”... a common trope i suspect emanating from japanese bullshit from people that have only ever cut straw mats. Blood is a liquid, you wipe it off before putting it back in the scabbard, to keep it clean, that’s it. Maybe if you let it dry up for a few days it’s gonna crust, but even then most of it will flack and come off by itself once dried. Only droplets of blood turned hard are a bit annoying, and there might be superficial rust marks on the blade that are mostly an esthetic annoyance. The real problem is fat. It clings to the blade, builds up into a thick irregular coating (like an orange skin) that dulls the edge and clings to the flat creating a lot of friction reducing the slicing penetration. It turns a very sharp knife dull in a few minutes. And wiping it down is going to do nothing to it, you really need energic scrubbing and there will still be spots of fat layers here and there on the blade.

The author wanted to get the tiger to nearly kill his mom so that Lan could save her at the last moment, but it felt forced. The author wanted the tiger to invade the dungeon, so the plot armot bullshit piled up for th tiger to get there, but it felt so contrived. Oh, nothing works, the tiger is an unstopable deadly threat, the dungeon core is in danger... sure, the guy who can mix fire and air mana to the point of melting rocks or throw air bullets piercing dungeon walls is so poweless. Sorry, it’s just not working for me. I feel there’s also a lot of inconsistencies, strong contradictions. A small pebble spending so much efforts to reach the surface then spends all his time playing underground minecraft caring very little about the surface. With super computer thinking speed and 5 brains he too repeatedly miss WTF is going on. A Lan showed thinking multiple time about his parents and his childhood memories doesn’t lift a finger to try to learn what hapened to his parents. A kid that is 99% sure his mother is in him talking to him then get into a deadly battle, wait for his mom to come to an inch of his death to start sudently caring. A guy who heals does and bucks after a fight with wolves or resurect a mouse/wolves, let a woman lose an eye, another lose an arm, a young mage with crippled magic... without healing them. And it’s not like it’s not super beneficial for him to have those humans coming back to challenge the dungeon and give him more mental mana, no it’s better to leave them crippled going back to town unable to be in shape for more dungeon delving. Then the whole town is destroyed, the last remaining ”mental mana generators” are getting swamped by a beast tide... nope, not gonna help them survive to provide more mental mana for me, i’m gonna just sit there watching them all feed a tiger rather than me.