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Your synopsis completely turned me off, mate. For the love of whatever you believe in, just write a proper synopsis. I’m not here to read an edgelord ‘what-if’ life story—just give me the premise and what to expect, instead of all this philosophical bullshit. And don’t take offense at my language—it’s just that these weird-ass synopses really get on my nerves. Seriously, why is it so hard to write a proper one?

What happened to his innate ability that awakened would the help of the divine water another logic loop hole?

Overall Rating: ★★★☆☆ (3/5) 1- Writing Quality: ★★★☆☆ (3/5) The writing isn’t terrible, but it’s not great either. There are a lot of inconsistencies, and the sentence structure sometimes makes it hard to follow what’s happening. 2- Update Stability: ★★★★☆ (4/5) Updates are mostly consistent. There might be occasional delays, but it’s not a major issue. 3- Story Development: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5) The story has some solid ideas, but logical loopholes and wasted potential hold it back. 4- Character Design: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5) There’s barely any personality development. The protagonist starts with a bit of depth, but after a few chapters, his personality stays the same with no real growth. 5- World-Building: ★★★★☆ (4/5) The world-building is one of the strongest aspects of the story. It’s rich, immersive, and well thought out. The only issue is that there’s a risk of introducing too many races without giving them enough depth. Keeping the focus on a smaller number of well-developed races would make the world feel even stronger. ⸻ Logical Loopholes The story has some serious logic gaps that break immersion: 1. Mind Flayer Technology Contradiction – Early on, it’s established that the Mind Flayers prioritize psychic power over technology, which explains why they aren’t technologically advanced. But later, the story claims they have some of the most advanced tech in the universe. That’s a massive contradiction. 2. Mission Rewards Inconsistency – The protagonist was promised 21-22 psi crystals for completing a mission against the cult. But when the mission ends, he only gets one. Either something got left out, or this was a major oversight. 3. Civilization Level of the Ship – The protagonist’s ship was originally described as second-grade civilization tech, bought before the third-grade civilization update. It was also mentioned that third-grade civilization ships weren’t available until the last update of the game before he transmigrated. Now, suddenly, his ship is being referred to as third-grade civilization level. How? 4. Psychic Perpetual vs. Limited Lifespan – The story says that psychics reaching a certain level become “perpetual,” implying immortality. But in the very next passage, it states that the highest-level psychics, even with genetic modification, only have a lifespan of a few thousand years. So which is it? Do they live forever or not? 5. Ork Nob’s Power Level Confusion – The protagonist encounters an Ork Nob leading a spaceship. At first, it’s stated that he is at the peak of Omega Warrior grade. But in the next paragraph, it says that if he performs well, he will be promoted to Meganobz, upgrading him to Beta grade. However, it was also explained earlier that Omega is a higher grade than Beta. So… is he getting stronger or weaker? 6. The Master’s Ridiculous Crippling – The protagonist’s master was crippled in the past, then one of his disciples found a way to cure him. Instead of celebrating that, the story decides that he needs to be crippled again—just so he can serve as the caretaker of the Mind Flayer Fleet Leviathan’s Elder Brain. This feels like a forced plot device rather than something that makes logical sense. ⸻ Wasted Potential There are two major ways this story is throwing away great opportunities: 1. The Protagonist’s Mercenary Group Is Just Robots • Instead of forming an actual mercenary crew with different personalities, interactions, and individual stories, the protagonist relies entirely on robots. This kills a lot of potential for character-driven subplots, friendships, rivalries, and unique missions. • It’s also a terrible long-term decision because it shortens the story’s lifespan. Without real characters to interact with, the story will eventually feel hollow. The best stories thrive on the relationships between their characters, and this setup eliminates that. 2. The Harem Problem • Based on the way things are going, it’s clear that the only flesh-and-blood people on the ship will be the protagonist’s harem. • Most harem stories follow the same pattern: at first, the plot matters, but once the harem is fully gathered, everything shifts toward filler romance and fanservice instead of actual storytelling. • This is one of the biggest mistakes a story can make—turning the female characters into background decoration instead of meaningful additions to the plot. Instead of focusing on building a great mercenary group, this approach wastes the potential for complex interactions. Alternative Approach • Instead of making the entire crew robots + harem, add actual people to the mercenary group. • If the story must have romance, consider making some of the female characters friends-with-benefits instead of a full harem. That way, the romance doesn’t overshadow the story’s real potential. • Harem stories tend to weaken the protagonist, turning him into a glorified male lead who impresses women instead of focusing on his real journey. Avoid that trap. ⸻ Character Development • The protagonist starts with a small personality shift, but after that, he stays the same. • No real growth, no struggles that force him to change. • A great protagonist should evolve over time, but this one just settles into his role and stays there. ⸻ World-Building • One of the best parts of the story—the universe is vast, and there’s clear effort put into its design. • However, a small piece of advice: • Instead of creating 100 different races with shallow lore, keep it limited to around 10-15 well-developed races. • It’s better to have a few fleshed-out races with rich histories and depth than a bunch of forgettable ones. • So far, the story has introduced around six races, which is manageable. But be careful not to overdo it in the future. A small problem I found in your story in term for the world building:the one key issue—the power system isn’t clearly explained. The author introduces the first and second levels but never expands on what comes next, leaving things vague. A well-defined power structure would help establish clearer stakes and progression for the protagonist and other characters. ⸻ Final Thoughts The story has some great ideas—especially with how it handles psychic and mercenary work—but logical inconsistencies and wasted potential hold it back. • The pacing needs to slow down, giving more time to develop the characters and world. • The protagonist’s crew should include real people, not just robots, to keep the story engaging. • The harem shouldn’t become the main focus, or the story will suffer. • Logical contradictions need to be fixed, or the immersion will keep breaking. Right now, it feels like a story that could be great but is holding itself back with rushed execution and unnecessary distractions. If those issues are addressed, this could turn into something truly special.

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Overall Rating: ★🌔☆☆☆ (1.6/5) 1- Writing Quality: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5) The writing is okay, but it feels a bit rough around the edges and not very engaging. 2- Update Stability: ★★★☆☆ (3/5) It’s not the best, but it’s not the worst either—updates come along with some consistency. 3- Story Development: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) The pacing is totally out of control. The story jumps so fast that it skips over key moments, making it feel more like a rushed summary than a well-developed narrative. There are also plenty of logical inconsistencies that pull you right out of the immersion. 4- Character Design: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) Characters come off as super flat. The protagonist gets married by chapter 3, has a 10-year-old son by chapter 4, and somehow controls one of the biggest business empires in the world by chapter 5—with hardly any time for growth or real development. 5- World-Building: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) World-building is almost non-existent. All we know is that the protagonist works in Chinatown, and that’s about it. ⸻ Review: First: The pacing is way too fast. By chapter 3, the protagonist is already married and has a child. Then, by chapter 4, 10 years have passed, and his son is already a decade old. Come chapter 5, another decade flies by, and suddenly he controls a huge business empire. And by chapter 6, 14 more years pass in the blink of an eye. It’s impossible to get attached to any of these events when everything happens so quickly—it feels more like a fast-forwarded summary than a real, engaging story. Second: There are some pretty big logic gaps. Take the currency issue, for example. The protagonist starts with $100, but the story doesn’t bother to explain that money meant something very different in 1940. Today, $100 might not go very far, but back then, it could cover a month’s expenses—with rent for a decent room (including bathroom and living room and two bedroom) being around $30. These small details matter and ignoring them makes the setting feel off. Third: The characters just don’t have any depth. It’s hard to really care about the protagonist or anyone else because they’re not given room to breathe. We barely learn anything about what they look like, how they think, or how they change over time. The fact that he gets married in chapter 3 and we see his son already 10 years old by chapter 4 shows just how rushed everything is. There’s no time for real bonding or for us to connect with these characters. Fourth: World-building is almost completely skipped. Other than knowing the guy works in Chinatown, we don’t learn much about the world he lives in. There’s no explanation of how alchemy works, how society reacts to these powers, or how he manages to control over a business empire in less than two decades. With constant time skips, it’s hard to feel like you’re really in a fully realized world. ⸻ Final Thoughts: The core idea—a guy getting transported into the Marvel Cinematic Universe with the power of alchemy—is honestly awesome. But the way it’s executed is way too rushed. The constant time skips and lack of development make it feel like you’re just reading a highlight reel instead of getting to know a real story. If the author slowed down the pacing, gave the characters some room to grow, and built out the world more, it could really take off. Right now, it just feels like one big speedrun through a story that could be so much richer.

And he can use the genetic modification to have Asgardians lifespan.

I use AI help to find all of this. Lifespan Limit with the Dark Dimension’s Power With continued use of the Dark Dimension’s energy, there might not be a natural lifespan limit. Dormammu’s realm is outside of time, meaning the Ancient One could potentially live indefinitely as long as they continued drawing from it. However, in the MCU, she foresaw her own death and accepted that even extended life must end eventually. So, theoretically immortal with the Dark Dimension’s power, but in practice, still vulnerable to death by other means. And he communes the genetic modification to have Asgardians lifespan. In Marvel Comics and the MCU, Asgardians have an exceptionally long lifespan but are not truly immortal. Their lifespan varies based on sources, but generally: Average Lifespan of an Asgardian: • MCU: Around 5,000 years (Thor: The Dark World suggests this). • Comics: Typically several thousand years, with some living up to 10,000 years or more. Exceptions & Extended Lifespans: Some powerful Asgardians can live even longer due to magic, divine status, or artifacts: • Odin: Over 5,000 years old in the MCU, potentially much older in comics. • Bor (Odin’s father): Lived tens of thousands of years before dying. • Hela: Much older than Thor, possibly over 7,000 years old in the MCU. While they age extremely slowly, they can still be killed in battle, through injuries, or by powerful entities. The way you can increase the lifespan of yourself or other people. In Marvel Comics and the MCU, there are multiple ways to extend lifespan, ranging from magic and science to cosmic artifacts and divine power. The highest limit varies based on the method used, but some characters can achieve functional immortality or exist beyond time itself. ⸻ Ways to Extend Lifespan in Marvel 1. Natural Longevity (Species-Based) • Some species have inherently long lifespans, such as: • Asgardians (5,000+ years) • Eternals (functionally immortal) • Celestials (god-like lifespan) • Vampires (immortal unless killed by specific means) ⸻ 2. Magic & Mystic Arts • Dark Dimension Energy (Ancient One) – Slows or halts aging by tapping into Dormammu’s power. • Sorcery & Spells (Doctor Strange, Baron Mordo) – Some spells can slow aging or restore youth. • Demonic Pacts (Mephisto, Chthon) – Selling one’s soul or making deals with powerful beings can grant immortality. • Asgardian & Olympian Magic – Some gods extend their lifespan through divine magic. Limit: Can grant functional immortality, but most users are still vulnerable to death by external means. ⸻ 3. Science & Technology • Super Soldier Serum Variants (Steve Rogers, Red Skull) – Slows aging but doesn’t grant true immortality. • Regenerative Healing Factor (Wolverine, Deadpool, Hulk) – Effectively prevents aging and makes them very hard to kill. • Cloning & Mind Transfer (Arnim Zola, Mr. Sinister) – Some characters avoid death by transferring consciousness into new bodies. • Cyborg Enhancements (Deathlok, Ultron) – Replacing the body with cybernetic parts to eliminate aging. Limit: Healing factors allow for centuries-long lifespans, but users can still be killed. Mind transfer and cloning have no natural limit but require maintenance. ⸻ 4. Cosmic & Divine Power • Infinity Stones (Reality & Time Stones) – Can alter time, restore youth, or make someone ageless. • Phoenix Force – Can resurrect and grant immortality to hosts. • Galactus’ Power Cosmic – Bestows cosmic longevity and near-godlike durability. • Cosmic Entities (Living Tribunal, Eternity, Death) – Some exist outside time and are truly immortal. Limit: No natural end. Some beings exist indefinitely or outside time entirely. ⸻ Highest Possible Limit The absolute highest form of lifespan extension in Marvel would be: 1. Becoming a Cosmic Entity – Characters like The Living Tribunal, Death, or Eternity are beyond mortality. 2. Being a True Godlike Being – The One Above All is omnipotent and eternal. 3. Outside-Time Existence – Some characters (e.g., Beyonders, Kang variants, Cosmic Abstracts) exist beyond normal time and can’t “die” in a traditional sense. For most mortals, the Dark Dimension’s power, Phoenix Force, or Infinity Stones offer practical immortality, but cosmic beings are the only ones with true, limitless existence.

Overall Rating: ★★☆☆☆ (2.8/5) 1- Writing Quality: ★★★★★ (5/5) Despite the AI influence, the writing itself is solid and well-structured. 2- Update Stability: ★★★★★ (5/5) The author is very consistent with updates, which is great. 3- Story Development: ★★☆☆☆ (2/5) The story has potential, but logical inconsistencies and excessive filler disrupt its flow. 4- Character Design: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) Characters feel shallow, lacking meaningful development and depth. 5- World-Building: ★☆☆☆☆ (1/5) The world-building is extremely minimal, barely present in 49 chapters. ⸻ Review: First: The story feels heavily influenced by AI. The way dialogue is structured, how topics are presented, and the strange mix of first-person and third-person perspectives make it disorienting. Conversations also feel unnatural because of the way character emotions and descriptions are inserted, making it seem like there’s an external narrator commenting on their speech. This breaks immersion and affects the overall storytelling. Second: There is a lot of filler. It’s not just info-dumping—it’s text dumping. Many sections feel like they were added just to increase word count, and I noticed that about a quarter of each chapter is repeated in the next one without a real purpose. This slows the story down and makes it less engaging. Third: There are logical inconsistencies. For example, the protagonist is supposed to be a primordial swordsman, yet he primarily uses a spear while also practicing with a bow, daggers, and other weapons. This makes his role unclear. There are also other plot holes that make it difficult to follow the logic of the story. Fourth: The character design feels underdeveloped. This isn’t just about the protagonist—every character lacks depth. There’s no real buildup to their personalities, making them feel one-dimensional. It’s hard to connect with them when their motivations and backgrounds aren’t fleshed out. Fifth: The main character is given everything from the start, removing any real sense of struggle or tension. By chapter 49, it already feels like any upcoming enemy will be effortlessly defeated, which makes it hard to stay invested. A story is much more engaging when a protagonist has to work for their success. Sixth: There’s a lack of character development. For example, when a character is introduced as funny or as someone who jokes around with the imperial commander, it feels like it was meant to be built up over previous chapters—but that development never actually happens. It makes me suspect that some important interactions got lost due to AI-generated writing. Seventh: The world-building is almost non-existent. Across 49 chapters, the entire world-building effort is limited to just three to five paragraphs. This is a missed opportunity because a strong setting would make the story much more immersive. ⸻ Final Thoughts: The core idea of the story is good, but it needs work in character development, story progression, and world-building. One major change I’d suggest is removing the supreme being. Instead of having the protagonist get extra advantages from an all-powerful entity, let him reincarnate with his ship and gradually grow into his power over time. This would make his journey more rewarding and create more natural challenges. I’m not saying you shouldn’t use AI for your story. In fact, I use AI myself—this review was AI-assisted to help correct grammar, spelling, and sentence structure. However, over-reliance on AI-generated writing is hurting your story because AI isn’t advanced enough yet to craft a deep, engaging narrative on its own. If I were to give advice, I’d suggest using AI for brainstorming—things like world-building, character design, and political tension—but write the story yourself. Then, let AI help with editing grammar and structure. You can also use AI to identify logical loopholes, but you should fix them yourself to maintain the story’s integrity. I believe the story has potential, but it needs more human touch and depth to truly shine.

I thought his class was a primordial swordsman.

So, let me get this straight—he doesn’t have magic; he’s just very smart?