Blackfyre_021

The story is going nice except the Baelon being the forced enemy plot. I hope you update sooner than before. Also Harry/Aegon is being far more dutiful for no reason. Nobody in his family has done anything for him worth that much loyalty and his past should make him realise that even better instead of some falsely placed sense of duty. The old King is quite similar in his God Complex Attitude with Dumbledore after all.

I feel making Baelon en enemy looks quite forced, resentful or wrongfully biased yes. But Exile is a decision too far. perhaps they would have had a big confrontation which either make or sour their relationship but Aegon going to essos by himself looks like an excuse for Time Skip.

Alyanna isnt an option? or Sansa ? I think Jon x Dany has been done way too much time and even though iits annin shipping, its completely illogical, if everything goes similar to cannon, dany would be barren so no need to marry her for keeping the blood pure. And even if she accepts his claim i doubt she will give up quietly, and i doubt this jon who grew up better than cannon one is foolish enough to believe that a political double marriage will work out in such a scenario. I believe jon should have someone else in his harem, someone new or sansa because i believe post joffrey sansa is far better option for jon than dany as she never had character development after season 1 and only got worse since then, unlike rest of the characters.

Good start to the story but please dont over do the smut. story should be balanced to enjoy the lemons as well. And please keep the butterfly effect in mind of having another stark and renovated moat cailin which even though MC is far away and also avoided greyjoy rebellion. He is still important enough for things to change .and most prominent will be jon snow being treated far better than cannon as lyarra stark lives and probably told or figured out his real identity. Love to see how it goes but please update soon.

Its very unique story. i would love to read more of it. there are some grammatical and technical mistakes with names (Its Maegelle) but other than that everything is good . Though I hope that you dont force the plot for the story to reach cannon. Aenys might help with the delivery but he would probably be against returning to westeros under viserys. Thats what i got of him so far. And as for the MC's love interest .i think you should focus on it being reasonable to the environment in the story and the character's nature. what i mean is someone of his status wont settle for a simple betrothal based love story many fictions have been writing so far. no offense just some suggestions as i have many stories being spoiled as the author has very exciting start but due to lack of new content force the plot to match the cannon . Take time (but not much) but pls dont force it . Thanks for reading this .

Great so far ! Its nice to see a story of bastards era at this time when everybody is busy writing aemond x lucerys shit. The story has potential to be a great long fic and good speed as well. Just avoid long time skips unless necessary and have the story shift by a month or two at best , that way it retains it narration and interest of the readers. I like how shiera's childhood negligence is picked up here instead of showing her as a harlot in making. She is a wonderful character potential to be great with some development. Love to see what happens next.

Elia

yes

The story is going at a nice pace. a little info on wizarding world used in plot will be nice touch. But instead of chapters which are more like fillers. you should try a time skip of atleast an year which is possible if sirius gets freed in the start of the canon 3rd year. and Also use this time skip to create a new plot stage as free sirius and magnus publicly revealed as Black heir will change almost everything in the story. malfoys losing power, harry getting free from dursleys, dumbledore now actively after magnus, tonks getting prominent role in the story, this all will create a butterfly blast to the canon background for future years. Time skip can effectively manage that. or you will need 10-15 filler chapters.Most people like to decribe all the things their MC is learning but dont want to drag it to what should be acceptable length for the content and mess it up making him OP after first year, doing dozens of ritual gifted with magical powers eerily similar to some animes, making money out of thin air etc.Its better to do a time skip and put learning stuff in the background, and keep it reasonable as well. I also like how Sirius is already being prepared to be not shown as a complete victim. I always believed that his carelessness and willful ignorance is the main reason behind everything bad happened to him. including his brother's death, and there is high chance he sideline magnus for harry if not for inheritance than as a father. And yes, you should also post on fanfiction or ao3. There you'll have more viewers and better reviews that can be helpful as well.

MC SI is always a better concept to write a story from different perspective. But most people take easy route and make MC from great houses to cut down the boring stuff of building the narrative. Its nice to see an MC from a lower house. But the good thing about the story is mostly just that. No offense , But as u have already said , the start is way out of limits of what is reasonable even by fictional standards. Im sure u already know but I must point out that No child speaks so clearly at age of one, not even in fictions full of magical entities. So if u want the MC to be of capable to have interactions like that .You should make him couple yrs older atleast .Like MC being born little before the war started so that by the end he would be of atleast around 2yrs at the start of the story. It also make it more realistic as an SI story bcuz its actually quite silly and practically impossible that the MC can think just as good in a mind of a newborn as he did in a fully grown adult mind. it goes against the whole concept of natural growth and biology. It will also be helpful with the future content and MC's build up as being few yrs older than other known characters like Robb Stark, Jon snow and joffrey gives MC a window to get recognition and a base in the canon based plot before these characters comes into play. As for the writing part, when u rewrite u should converge all the background content from birth to development till 8-10 yrs in a single big chapter amd start the story from there to avoid extra chapters and keeping the story interesting. You should also focus on fighting and gore scenes which is undoubtedly a big part of any medeival era story, to make them realistic. Also sexual content will be a crucial part as well cuz its a GoT fiction and the canon plot is heavily influenced by it. I hope somehow MC gets to fuck cersei with keeping up with the plot. She is my fav character and I hated how GoT gave jamie who in all sense is the bigger asshole than cersei , a redemption plot while completely sidelining the cersei's background story and all the problems she must have faced both at the rock and being married to robert baratheon. Its very unlikely pairing but i hope there is a little MC x Cersei content in the story. Again for the content, keep things realistic by keeping things in accordance to speeds and skills of that era. for example , it takes months to travel by ships during those times, so MC traveling all over westeros within weeks is not possible , or that new cultivation takes time and selling crops even more so house of MC becoming richest house in westeros within 5 yrs like in many stories here is also practically impossible, so is MC inventing press, soaps, new drinks, foods, weapons etc. things like these spoil the stories. I hope you take care of all these things and always keep the content reasonable to the story world. I hope u are not offended by my review and suggestions. Just trying to help.