DetectiveJones

Characters and dialogue all feel stiff and unnatural. It feels like a group of kid playing make believe Lords & Ladies. Lines are repeated so much its painful. I swear i was gonna lose my mind how many times a chapter was ended with the mc thinking some variation of "The road ahead is difficult but im ready to face all challanges for the sake of my legacy blah blah" I mean its almost every other chapter. The Plot itself is completely flat. It doesnt follow canon really other than a few similar details. (Proffessor quirrel for instance) but other elements like the Philosphers stone or notable events dont happen entirely. Instead, the MC and his group search for some wierd Peverell legacy, kinda reminiscent of Hogwarts Legacy Ancient magic. Im not sure how they even know about it or how they can competently claim a ancient legacy with less than a full 1st year education but they do and its literally pretty simple as finding a secret entrance, all you had to do was look... really the Philosophers stone test was wayyyy more difficult to get in canon than this powerful artifact of ancient magic and somehow, just finding it has a noticeable effect on them all. In short, its an Ai written mess that might have been interesting with maybe a little care and storyboarding perhaps and a shit ton of love and attention. As it is now, its a waste of time. Id probably recommend a shitty translated MTL over this at least you can kind piece together whats going on.

All the characters feel like Adult nobles one moment then little children playing make believe the next.

From what though? Sure they are good in classes, but no one should know about the artifact. Besides that, what have they actually done to gain influence or have a 'presence' enough to affect older students? Are you telling me they are all considered prodigies or something because they are top of the class?

No shit its day 11 moron

Stop saying that for the love of god! Its cringey at this point

My god! I cant Believe the MC is ready to face any and all challenges! This is the first im hearing of his determination /s

Man you really got a bad habbit of ending every chapter like this. Its virtually the same thing worded different. About hows hes ready to succeed and bear his legacy blah blah blah. We know your motivations already it seems like more of a self motivational mantra at this point.

Dropped like all rewrites before they even reach half the length of the original lol.. I swear its like theres a curse on the term 'rewrite'

In all fairness, theres a huge difference between some character suggestions/music and Creative control on a big project like 'Gravity'. Hell look at Star Wars alone. Rian Johnson got what amounted to Creative control of the franchise and tanked The Last Jedi. The Likes of Kathleen Kennedy further tarnished the franchise in some eyes as shes more focused on what she wants the franchise to be. Lucas is known as a good Actor and Songwriter at the moment. A good actor should contribute to the movie and character the songs are a bonus. Those skills dont correlate all that much to controlling the creative direction of a Multi million dollar movie

Pace of the story is way too fast. Story idea isnt bad, but it feels like its missing something. There isnt anytime for events to 'breathe' so to speak and it cause character interactions to ring hollow. Towards the end of the series, I dont care about the twists or character deaths because I just dont genuinely know nor care about the characters themselves.