Grenizu
I'm an amateur author who likes to write stories. Ura Celestia is my first series, so leave some suggestions! i hope you enjoy reading my stories.
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Grenizu2yrPostadoGood and interesting story, but when it comes to first impressions, given that it's an isekai, it'll seem typical and probably bad. Unless, the author make Rei and the isekai little interesting. I talked with the author and his original idea was some kind of death game and something like Re:Zero. I hope he use those idea in his story. I have seen no flaws in the story at the moment, so I'm going to rate it a 5/5. Check out the story!
- Grenizu2yrRespondeu a GrenizuCh 15 Announcement
- Grenizu2yrComentou
Hey NeTT, I have a suggestion for your novel. If you are going to use a different perspective in the next chapter, you should use the Third Person view. It gets confusing when perspectives change unwittingly. Jobless Reincarnation uses such a technique and I'm sure it doesn't kill the story.
Ch 14 Sister - Grenizu2yrPostado
Grammar and tense errors here and there, making the story confusing and unreadable. I pushed through it because I had nothing to read, so I read this out of boredom, and turns out, the story was good. It was mildly entertaining for me. I'd love to see more chapters... The only problem I had when I was reading the story was the grammar and tense errors, nothing more (I think). I don't want to be correcting you all the time. So I'd rate this... 3.6/5 Use Grammarly.
- Grenizu2yrComentou
What Government Office are you talking about? lol Replaced "a" with "the"
Este número foi suprimido. - Grenizu2yrComentou
I'm confused...
Este número foi suprimido. - Grenizu2yrComentou
A potential on me. I want that off of me. XD
-"Captain Tenert saw a potential on me, but I disappointed him." - Grenizu2yrComentou
I'd love to "Thanks" God.
"Thanks God! You survived! Captain and Libera are looking for you." - Grenizu2yrComentou
Dora dora dora, the explorda!
What was my inventory, D*ra's backpack? - Grenizu2yrComentou
"with long years" I would love to see some long years protruding from an elf's head.
The girls continued playing catch with just the two of them. I looked at the direction which she was shot from. There was an elf just on the rooftop, laughing loudly. She looked just like described in fairy tales and fantasy novels. Tall, beautiful, with long years, with a noble look. However, the only difference was the expression of ecstasy she had on her face. - Grenizu2yrComentou
The word "irises" doesn't fit. I suggest changing it to "eyes".
I was right. The face looked younger than mine. She had pale violet hair and red irises. She was probably a year younger than me. I removed my mask too. I proceeded to place it inside my "Magic Inventory". For some reason, I could still use it even without the goddess' power. The eighth handed me her helmet. It was too heavy that I could barely lift it even with my enhanced strength. I placed it inside the inventory too. - Grenizu2yrComentou
lol
She grabbed a huge chunk of the broken wall and YEETed it on the ceiling. - Grenizu2yrComentou
I think you should capitalize the word "White" instead of "white" because it is a name.
『Crow, could I ask you to instruct white all of our basics within the next week?』 - Grenizu2yrComentou
Why sensor it? XD
What was I? A po*emon at the po*emon center? - Grenizu2yrComentou
That's a wyrm.
That would mean it was neither a dragon nor a wyvern. Both had feet. - Grenizu2yrComentou
Present Tense eh?
I have heard about useless stupid goddesses in one of my past lives. Now one of them is speaking to me in my head. - Grenizu3yrComentou
Rephrase this
He was so shook and so surprised that he was not able to move his limbs like at all, he just stood there like a mannequin and he didn't even realized that. - Grenizu3yrComentou
Rephrase this.
As now he was able observe something about that looming figure as it came in his line of vision properly. The figure was of a women who he doesn't know as he had never seen her before. - Grenizu3yrComentou
What is a "there and there"? You don't need to add a comma. I suggest " He just froze there at whatever position he..." or something like that.
He just froze there and there, at whatever position he was sitting. He was desperately trying to figure out if he should just run away or should try to know who was that person was.