AlanCee

Unecessary drama and monologues still… This is why you don’t have mc’s do op shit at the age of 2. Why do ppl think this is smart to do? It boggles my mind, cliche asf.

I’m just reading this for fun, but I also have critiques if the author wants to be better as a writer. If you’re also writing this for fun then take this review with a grain of salt, but still read it(Hopefully this won’t make you emo teenager upset, I’m just trying to get your head on straight). 1. Mc gets 3 gacha rewards and goes to naruto world, and in the most cliche way-starts chakra training around the age of 2. How dumb is that, you literally could’ve had him start at 6 or 7, and then work your way to being op. There’s this fake drama the author wrote, to try and offset how moronic his characters decisions are to get strong so early, which leads to his shinobi parents becoming a bit suspicious about his training and obvious maturity and wisdom(Idc if mc has limitless improvement, still a hot dumpster take AT age 2). Getting strong from the VERY start when you’re born-is insanely cliche and overdone, it doesn’t reward anything and makes everything seem redundant. 2. Another mind palace bs ability, mc has also started on it age 2. Apparently has knowledge how to do it because plot, a lot of authors do this and it shows non-critical thinking and lack of intelligence on their part. 3. Grammar is good, story seems ok right now. I don’t mind op stories, but the fact that you’re just instantly getting to it instead of growing from weak to strong is abysmal. You gotta find a balance because you are the author, it’s your job to make a story entertaining without bs plot devices and drama for the sake of drama that adds nothing to character development or story progression. Also be realistic in some cases, like what made you think having your mc start chakra training at age 2 was a smart idea? In a shinobi world, everyone would find that suspicious and think of you as an anomaly or worse, ESPECIALLY the parents. Now you’ve written yourself in a corner and have to find a way to justify it, which could’ve been avoided if you just started at least 4 years later. Common sense goes a long way into these stories, don’t let anyone tell you different.

To be fair, the only reason I don’t use power stones for this is because of a possible stupid plot device you pulled-or are trying to pull. In the beginning your character realizes he gained the memories and wisdom of Erik Deathsong, and yet he claims he has to be him and take his name as well. If that doesn’t explain shocking stupidity and moronic takes, then I don’t know what will. If you can have a take like that, then what’s stopping you from writing another hot dumpster take down the line?(Btw this fic has gotten my interest, but not enough to actively support it because of your choices in the story)

I’m curious, what’s the end goal for the mc? Just be the greatest necromancer in Tamriel? Nothing wrong with that, just wondering, also what would you say his karma scale would be at? Chaotic neutral, true neutral, lawful evil? Also keep up the good work

You wrote that your mc is a nord so he shouldn’t be cold at all, that needs to be confirmed or edited. Also stop having him talk or mutter to himself constantly, that is not realistic at all. Especially if he is in the presence of other people and in a battle. No idiot would talk to themselves in a life threatening fight to the death. More than half of those statements he made could’ve easily been written as thinking. Ex: Erik finished the second bandit off with ease as he flicked the blood off his sword. ‘So this is what it feels like to see and draw blood from actual living people, pretty gross.’

The whole idea of him gaining Erik’s memories and having to become him is astoundingly stupid. That’s the only thing I actually hate so far in this story, that is literally moronic writing. “I wrote the mc having those thoughts just because”. Everything else seems good except for that one part.

I’m surprised this wasn’t dropped, I had zero faith lol. Welcome surprise for sure

I salute you fellow comrade!

Why do you keep making the mc speak his thoughts out loud? It’s idiotic and he should know better as a reincarnator. It’s nothing even crazy it’s just common sense, you really made him deaf so he could be stupid as a plot point huh???

Hm. So many chapters recently that aren’t even past 1.5k words, and even worse they’re filler chapters too. Author is definitely milking the shit out of his readers lmaooo