KingLettuce

This is a good read overall and I have enjoyed what I’ve seen so far. The only complaint I have is there are not enough chapters released for me to read. The pacing is a little slow but for this story I don’t mind that. ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

This is one of the first Tokyo ghoul fanfics that I have read that isn’t immediately assaulting me with cringe and edginess. The story is actually interesting and seems to have a plot that can go somewhere unpredictable. The grammar is good and the length of the chapters are also good. Keep up the good work Translator!!!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

The translation itself is good, there are no issues with grammar that I noticed while reading it. The story itself is also entertaining to read and portrays characters or people from 40k pretty good. The chapter lengths are also good, overall nothing to complain about. Keep up the good work Translator!!!!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

This really made me chuckle quite a few times, honestly this is peak writing. There is nothing to complain about at all, keep up the good work Author!!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

I liked this a lot surprisingly, there is genuinely nothing to complain about in the story so far. Keep up the good work Author!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

Pretty decent, grammar is good and chapter length is also good. The portrayal of Price is also pretty good and it doesn’t feel out of character. I can’t wait to read more chapters, keep up the good work Author!!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

This is a good concept and so far everything is moving in a good direction. Keep up the good work Author!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

The first couple of chapters are a bit rough to read, they have no breaks between paragraphs and there is little to no punctuation, but all this is mostly fixed in later chapters. As far as grammar goes, there are a few mistakes here and there, like sentences missing “and” or things being spelled wrong. For the most part it does not take away from the reading experience and you can still understand what is being said. I like the overall concept of the story and I will continue to read more chapters as they come out. Keep up the good work Author!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

As far as Warhammer 40k fanfics go this one feels like the most accurate representation of space marines that I’ve read. The story is progressing nicely so far and in a direction that makes sense. The grammar is good and the chapters are a nice length. Definitely a solid 4.8 out of 5 stars. Keep up the good work Author!!!!!!! ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… ………………………………………………………………………… …………………………………………………………………………

What you could do to help develop a character is think of a character as a friend. You can try to imagine the different ways this friend might respond to questions or problems and then try to come up with a response based off of that. You can also do one offs or short stories with a character to use as a reference when your writing for this story. This all takes more time out of your day but I think it will help with the overall writing process 👍