Godack

Should consider doing a rewrite of the first dozen chapters, you are spelling the words correctly but you are also forgetting to use some words at the same time. Sentences go on for a bit too long, some could use a comma and others would be better if you put a full stop there instead of a comma. I also recommend to change your format a little bit, for example you start sentences with : 'He answered "Yes."' instead of '"Yes." He answered'. The character himself is a bit too energetic for realism, but this story isn't really written as a what if situation and more of a this is what I think I would do in a situation. The story itself is more original than most of the stories on this forsaken website, but the over al quality doesn't make it stick out enough. A rewrite is easy enough but because I guess English is your second+ language I can understand it being difficult. The only problem I actually do have with this story is that I see really old comments and reviews about the grammar and it not being correct in the chapters. Doesn't give a good impression, but alas, you write for fun and practice...

It's this.

Need to re-read this as I've forgotten everything...

Wonderful story, had me drawn in the whole 17 chapters that are currently released. The Idea of this story is one I haven't come across yet as but it tickles all my fancies. This review may be a bit too early but I want to write this now as to show the author that his story is something people enjoy, I've written some stories myself and I know how it feels when people are silent and don't say anything about your story. The writing quality is, as of so far, top quality. The grammar and vocabulary make the story flow fluent as is makes it so your attention isn't lost whilst reading. For the past six days 17 chapters have been uploaded, I don't know if the author stockpiled the chapters or simply writes fast with good quality but I'd say it is five star worthy. Story development is a bit of an iffy, because the story is in its early stage so I don't know how it will progress from here on out. But from what I have read so far I can say that it made sense, a bit fast paced but nothing I couldn't handle. Character design is very simple, with the theme of this story being that the Main character has lost his mind it would be evident that his design wouldn't be grandiose. There hasn't been enough time to really judge the side-characters fully by I enjoy it, though they are maybe a bit too accepting of the events that are currently happening, but that can be explained by the fact that they are living in a sort of utopia. World background is still vague but what can you expect when the story has just begun. Though it is shaping up to be something I know I will like. Conclusion, story is good and I like the concept. Definitely a read I recommend. Total rating : 4.4

Wonderful

your fat sister

He's probably a masochist too, so this wouldn't really work.