TatsuyaShiiba

The quality of this novel has been dropping for the last few chapters... It is slowly becoming unreadable, and just awkward to read for me. the conversations seem unnatural, the situations are forced... It started out great, but I don't like the direction where this is going at all.

Your, ponctuation is, horrible, man.😂 Seriously though, You're over-ponctuating and my brain gets all messed up while reading the sentences.

No... Now it ends. sorry, couldn't help myself

Do you have any scientific proof to backup your claims about the possibility of Wandless magic? Since you don't, accept that it just isnt that easy for human wizard to do so. you example is the same as saying : since birds can easily fly with their wings, why ddont we just grow a pair of wings and do the same? we eventually did, but by using other tools in the process, namely "airplanes"... the wand has the same story.

In fanfictions, it is very common for Ginny Weasley to use love potions to get together with him, as it is somehow a plot made by Molly, her mother. Apparently, it's because Molly admitted to having used it once ( in the books ).

I'm not surprised. Well, at least I tried...

ii'm pretty sure more than 50% of your audience drops this novel because of this chapter( as I did a few days ago ), so I'd suggest you take more time to work on this chapter, or If you ddont want to mention his past, just make him suddenly wake up in his new life. The way you started it just shows that you weren't even trying, and if the very first chapter is just a summary ( and a very bad one at that ), it says a lot about how the next chapters' quality is going to be.

Severus is a 13-14 years old teenager. Dumbledore is a 100+ old, extremely powerful and wise. I hate FFs that portray him as a manipulative idiot. and to be frank with you, that is exactly what you've done here. nothing about this conversation felt natural, not that your grammar and vocabulary helped ( not that I really care, mind you, as its still somewhat acceptable), but the content was really out of place. It is wrong on so many levels it would take some time list them all. Now I understand you'd want to make your MC look smart and act cool. But it shouldn't come at the cost of other characters. Don't make them dumb just to make him look smart i mean. speaking of which, you've done the same with the marauders. James and Sirius were bullies, and I hate them very much. But they weren't exactly idiots. ( at least most of the time ) I mean James himself was a Transfiguration prodigy. But here they are acting with the maturity of a 6 years old.

that's the author whispering things to you to guide you in his plot 👀

I'm giving 5 stars just because it's a Snily FF. I've been wanting to write a SI Severus for a while myself. ( though this is not a SI ) I'll write a proper review when I read this.