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EchoHellion

EchoHellion

Lv3

Gamer and otaku. Working on a fantasy novel project.

2019-03-31 UnidoPhilippines
-d

Escrita

-h

de leitura

52

Ler livros

Emblemas

4

Momentos

2
  • EchoHellion
    EchoHellion2yr
    Comentou

    Overall, the chapter could use some spacing and grammar fixes. Dialogue should be on new lines. There's also some irregular breaks due to some misuses of the comma. What I like though is how descriptive this chapter is and the way it introduces the characters, what they're like and the MC's motives. In summary, it's a good start.

    Este capítulo foi suprimido.
    altalt
    Mage of Ultimate Creation
    Fantasia · TheValidSource
    detail
  • EchoHellion
    EchoHellion2yr
    Comentou

    Replace outbreak with "big break", that's the wrong usage of outbreak as far as I know.

    Este capítulo foi suprimido.
    altalt
    Mage of Ultimate Creation
    Fantasia · TheValidSource
    detail