That_One_Guy21

Some typos here and there, I think you've been rushing things without checking up on them thoroughly. The constant usage of "He said" or "He mused" and so on, is a proponent of the ever old "Show, don't tell" argument. Don't tell the readers that he said or thought something, show us his talking and thinking process. Don't tell us that he did this or that action, show how he did it and give a description instead of a narration. Run on sentences have also become a thing in the chapters since idk, but that has to be fixed. Grammar has taken a bit of a hit due to said errors, so break them up a bit, try to use less words to convey your meaning, and don't try to fit multiple ideas onto one sentence. Example: Grammar has taken a bit of a hit due to said sentences, so break them up a bit. Try to use less words to convey your meaning. Don't try to fit multiple ideas into one sentence. On addition, the utilization of pronouns seem to have declined significantly. The chapter with The Question, Victor Sage, I noticed you used his full name at some points even after already introducing his name earliy. Using his caped persona as a description then mentioning his full name instead of a simple pronoun is a no-no, because this breaks his in-costume and out-of-costume narrative. Once he was introduced to the readers in the chapter meeting Richard, he should've been either mentioned using either first name or cape name, and some pronouns in between. The two descriptors are mutually exclusive. That's all I have on top of my head, I'm sure I'll think of more once the grey engine revvs up a bit. Nonetheless it's been a good read, despite the few breaks in my reading flow. I'll catch you next time, buh-bye!

Yo, I found typo matey! Energy Proejction --> Energy Projection

Hi, took a while to find your stuff, just leaving this here to signify my accomplishment in gettingy account back. Finally, I can read I'm here too! Hmm, I remember that the reason I didn't bother with this site for a long time is because of the paywalls. I haven't checked yet but I hope that's not the case for this story. It's free on other sites so it should obviously be free in here too right? That should be the case but I never get lucky with that. I'll have to check and edit that then. TL;DR: Hi, took me a while, but I'm here.

The usual tropes are present in here, but they are nicely utilized and though cliche, it is still an enjoyable read. I especially like that there is no drama between the girl in his harem. Stella is a cool tomboy, Val is a devoted dere, and so on, they don't clash and they mesh well. All in all, I love it. Also.