I just now realize you weren’t insulting me. My b your it’s not your fault your English is fine

But then it says that he only has the basics given to him. If Yuta was so strong to have a domain expansion he wouldn’t have only basics accomplished.

If they’re not close to eachother then what are you saying? Are you back tracking? Make sense

It would make more sense seeing how he keeps his abilities that he stole. If it was just the mind he would only have the power of the body he took and maybe his mental abilities.

Japan is only so big dawg. There are four known hero highschools, UA being the number one in the East, and Shiketsu in the West. And then there are two other that we know about- do you really think they are located right next to eachother? Not to mention the others we don’t know about. Japan also uses the bullet train that allow much faster travel..

Why do you automatically assume the super soldier serum will even make him stronger? That’s just pouring a bucket of water into the ocean. He’s Viltrumite.

“Tsk I knew my idiot if a husband and daughter would do this” Explain how I made it up when it’s right there? You blind?

Didn’t know that sorry and gl

He knew they would abuse their kid? Thats such a specific thing for him to predict about them, why didn’t he stop it.

Bro you’re allowed to use periods when writing, you don’t have to avoid them.

are we*

Author, can you tell if the plot device of someone finding his diary? Like we really starting off like this. I need to know if this will be a waste of time.

That’s crazy you have four siblings (idc)

Or idk if Elizabeth is his sister or friend but point still stands

His homeland is in the middle of the air having a crisis, and and decides to electrocute the strong dude that’s able to fly and has the strength to help in rescue. “Hey Thor, can you fly around to help find my sister or find someone to?”….

For example “My vision quickly returning as I looked around.” You wouldn’t say this by itself, it would be the follow up. “I got to my feet, my vision quickly retuning as I looked around.” Its okay to use past tense. “My vision quickly retuned as I looked around.” Or “My vision was quickly returning as I looked around”- if you ‘must’ stick to gerunds. If you do, there are so many YouTube videos that demonstrate how to use them.

Your grammar was much better when you wrote the main character in third person. You keep alternating between present and past tense in sentences. Its like you’re trying so hard to keep it present tense but its not working. Otherwise the concept is cool

And other places

I think you got a little excited writing this scene. The grammar is off here

All he did was wake up from a quiet household and went to school. How tired must he be that he can’t even think straight…