Chapter thirty-nine

I'm so stupid.

It's only day three and I've already blown my shot. Tasmin and I could've become a lot closer if it wasn't for…

If it wasn't for what? The way I reacted? What she said to me? Maybe the issue isn't her, but me. I'm the reason I can't complete this mission.

My mother left me, then gave me the opportunity to avenge her death, yet I'm whittling away at that chance, losing crucial opportunities with every passing hour.

If I hadn't been so stupidly overdramatic, maybe Tasmin and I could've had a little more. We could've. And I should've been more careful not to lose her in the crowd.

Alone now, my fingers gripping nothing, reaching into the sea of people. I know that by the time I get through the crowd she'll be gone, and I'm right to turn back. But just as I do…

"Hey, Harry."

"Ally!"

"It's day three, you know," Ally informs me, leading me to one of the lower deck's balconies.

I grunt at no one. "I'm aware."

She shoots me a look. "Don't get an attitude with me, young man, I'm trying to help you out here."

Of course, she's right. Like usual.

She sighs at me like a mother sighs at her slightly annoying, misbehaving child.

"How are you?" she asks.

I turn away and lean against the railing, sighing into the chilly breath of the night. Her hand is still on my shoulder. "Do I even need to say anything? The fact that I'm not with Tasmin right now means something, doesn't it?"

A squeeze on my shoulder. "You're trying. And it's hard on you, I know. But…" she stares into the darkness as if it will reveal a wonderful secret to her. "You know it has to be done."

Again, she's right. This isn't about me. It's about my mum. I have to do it for her.

"You have to keep trying," Ally tells me a little too enthusiastically in contrast to what I'm feeling. She bounces away, starting to twirl around. She's always been like this. Jumpy, enthusiastic. I remember seeing her outside of the organisation, captain of her soccer team, leaping, kicking, squealing. "You owe her a dance, Harry."

"Ha." She glances at me. "She won't want to dance with me now."

She thinks for a second longer, then: "A gift," she concludes, continuing to lightly drift in dizzying circles under the moonlight. For a moment, I realise how beautiful she is, shining. "Everyone loves receiving gifts."

"What type of gift?"

"Something you know she'll like. I can't decide that for you, you know. I can't help," Ally informs me. I start to think, but she continues. "But I can help you with something."

"Hm?"

She slides over, taking my hands in hers, gently but surely, leading me away from the railing. Taking my hands, she places them onto her waist, before wrapping her arms around my neck, hanging on tightly. "Dance practice. You're shabby."

I groan, but smile slightly. "Thanks for the honesty."

"Just looking out for a friend in need," she beams back at me, brown eyes almost black but wonderful to look at nonetheless.

I can really relax around Ally. Before long, we're shuffling around, subconsciously swaying to a muffled beat that we can hear from a few decks up, where the party is still blasting its music into the night. She lays her head on my shoulder, I lay mine on hers. I can close my eyes and not fear falling. Ally, along with both Ben and Charlie may have been the only people in this world who put me on my feet when I felt as if I'd fall and never stop falling. Even my own father couldn't give me that sense of comfort.

"I'll send you a note," Ally announces softly after what feels like an eternity of serene silence.

"Huh?" I say, startled.

"A note." Lifting her head. "We'll meet again after you make up with Tasmin."

"How do you know if I'll –"

"You will make up with her," she interrupts. "And before you know it, you'll receive my note, and we'll talk again."

"Again? Isn't that too risky to meet again so soon?" I warn.

"I'm here to help. I can't help if I can't talk to you, right?"

I stare at the ground. "Thank you."

She hums. "Goodnight." Then she drifts away.

Just as I round the corner to head back to my cabin, I hear a woman's frustrated voice.

"Hey!" she whisper-yells at two girls. "Some people are trying to sleep at this hour."

I continue towards her and the two girls, and only when I get closer do I realise it's Tasmin and Lilli, Tasmin with her back to me. They haven't noticed me yet.

Lilli nods at the woman, apologising. Then, without turning to Tasmin, she instructs her, "You need to talk to Harry." I freeze when I hear my voice. "You know you do."

Tasmin stares at the ground. "I don't want to talk to him unless he speaks to me. I get it, you're looking out for me, but I'll make my own decisions." Then, without another word, she shuffles to the cabin door, opening it and returning inside. I almost call out her name, but I refrain.

Lilli sees me. 'Hey," she says. "You okay?"

I nod at her. "Is Tasmin?" Though I'm not convinced she'll answer.

She shrugs. "She's fine. She'll… She'll come around." Her tone sounds disheveled, and I can't help but feel guilty; this is partly my fault. Possibly all my fault. "Can I talk to you?" Lilli asks me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Sure."