UPF: The Case of Mercat Island

This is the story of a girl named Ender.

Ender is not your normal teenage girl (obviously). She's a Tier-Ten A-Rank Godslayer Class Agent of the Universal Peace Foundation. Her job is to kill troublesome doomsday deities from the eldritch abominations, the old gods, to the ancient ones.

What happens to her in this particular part of the story will not end up on her flawless track record.

"Goddamn, this is embarrassing…" Ender, tied to a large wooden stump with five other human sacrifices on top of a flaming altar. All around her were dozens of cultists dancing around. Though, it's hard to see those people with the gigantic doomsday demon standing in front of her.

"Tasty Delicious Humans!" the boar faced, gorilla bodied, bat-winged giant monster yelled as it walked towards Ender with its massive club. "A feast worthy of the almighty Ragnar!!!" the demon crouched down to Ender's level and brought his tusks close to her face.

Ender scrunched her face in disgust. "I don't care if you've been eating humans, but dear lord! Is a side dish of mint salad too much for Ragnar the Almighty?" she struggled a little more in her binds. "And I guess it goes without saying that you look ugly is hell. Scratch that, you're uglier than hell."

"You Foolish Mortal dares to…"

A catchy tune appeared from Ender's trench coat. A bizzare tune accompanied by the wailing of a man who has been dead for over twenty years. Many people like the way this man wails about his broken relationship with a girl.

The demon froze and simply stared at the bound and actually-not-so helpless girl in front of it. Perhaps the bizarre melodies and lyrics from the golden age were too much for the almighty Ragnar. Or maybe he also likes how the man wails a name in twenty five different intonations.

Ender closed her eyes and started directing death threats to an individual named Marshall. "Don't ask, Just… just give me a moment," she expertly slipped her arm out of her bindings and fished a flip phone out of her trench coat. She then fixed the phone on the bindings near her neck.

"Marshall, if you use my priority call for non-emergency situation… I swear to Planck, I will drag you down back to the pit of hell where I found you," Ender said in a strict monotone voice that one would use when one's dignity is threatened.

"Actually, that's… that's why part of the reason of why I called you ma'am…" a childish voice spoke from the phone.

"You're in hell?"

"Yeah…"

"Which one?"

"Well, I was in the Makai, but I'm not sure anymore…"

"Just, just stay where you are, okay? Goddammit…"

"Sorry, ma'am…"

The call ended, and Ender looked back at the demon boar in front of her. It wasn't because Ragnar was polite enough to let her end the call, goodness no. It was simply because the voice of that caller somehow confused and paralyzed him into temporal inactivity.

"Sorry for that," Ender spoke while pocketing her phone. "That was my junior agent, he loves abusing the hell out of my priority call number,"

"Shall I eat you now?" Ragnar asked, as if bewitched into waiting for a command from its superior.

Ender shook her head. "As much as I love any excuse to call in sick tomorrow…" she slipped a knife out of her pocket and freed herself from her binds. "I have a much bigger problem to take care of."

It appears as though Ragnar has broke free from the spell. His glazed look turned primal once again. His body no longer relaxed and his expression is that off pure hatred of everything nice in life. You know, like all mortally challenged people.

Ragnar hoisted up a gigantic club and prepared to strike the fleeing mortal in front of it. But the mortal was quicker than he expected and is already outside his club range. It started its pursuit of the girl while waving around its gigantic club.

Ender, however, couldn't care less about the demon behind her. "Goddamn, every single time!" she exclaimed while struggling to untie the knot on her earphones. "We've invented wireless earphone twenty years ago for Jaap's sake!"

The ground shook as the gigantic club impacted the ground where Ender once stood. But the girl was quick enough to dodge at the last second. The girl narrowed her eyes and clicked her tongue in annoyance. She took out a gun from her pocket and pointed it straight at Ragnar's body.

A broad grin formed on the demon's face. "Bwahaha!" It laughed at the sight of the gun. "Foolish Mortal thinks a puny Mortal we…" the grin was wiped from its face when an excrutating pain shot from its right shoulder.

Ragnar watched in disbelief at the sight of black liquid flowing down from its shoulder. It looked back at Ender and saw her putting on a still tangled but not too tangled earphone. "Impossible, that can't be a normal weapon!" it exclaimed.

Ender didn't hear it, of course, she's already busy calling her junior who got lost on his way out of hell. "Okay Marshall, look around, what do you see?" The girl said in annoyance while tapping her feet on the ground.

"Uhh, lots and lots of lava… I think I'm near a volcano or something… It's also very dark, the lava's the only source of light."

A bunch of cultists started charging towards Ender with long spears. Alright, maybe not charge, more like shuffling rapidly in Ender's general direction while waving around their spear like a drunken hockey player on Saturday night.

Ender didn't even make an effort to glance at them, she just aimed her gun and started shooting while untangling her earphone some more with her left hand.

"Look up, what do you see?"

"Nothing… There's no sky…"

"Any monsters or demons nearby?"

"No, I don't think so… Wait, there's this dog-like monster nearby… And a bunch of harpy monster… And…"

The cultist stumbled on their own and piled up around Ender, ruining the view of the beautiful forest around the altar. Mostly because brainwashed cultists has terrible balance, awareness, and sense of direction. Mostly.

Now, anyone who had played a first person video game can probably tell what to do in this predicament. When enemies started culminating in one spot and somewhat immobilized. Any gamer would know what to do in this predicament.

A resounding 'PING' and a faint 'thump' followed by a flash of light. A telltale sign of foundation standard crowd control grenade capable of ripping through ranks of monster and breaking through regular human' eardrums in fifty meter radius.

The cultists were all blown away like bowling pins and some even lose an appendage or two

"Marshall, look around, what do you see?"

"There's a river here! It's white and…"

"DON'T TOUCH IT!!!" Ender yelled while staring at Ragnar, currently busy gobbling up its human sacrifices like skewered meat. With each chomp of a human head, the demon was healed from its gunshot. "For the love of pataphysics, stay down for a bit will ya!?"

"Stay what?"

"Not you!" Ender shot Ragnar's gigantic ankle, slowing it down somewhat. She then runs through the perimeter of the altar, like a player in a PS2 boss fight. "Marshall, you're not in Makai, you're in Tartarus! How in the name of Einstein did you end up in Tartarus!?"

"Tartarus?"

"Just stay away from any body of water, kill anything in sight, and stay wherever the hell you are!"

Ender ranted while staring at the giant club held over Ragnar's head. She then shot the demon's large stubby fingers rapidly. She then held out her other hand like in a spell casting motion.

"I impose the Square Cube Law!!!" the girl spoke with authority.

The club dropped right on Ragnar's head with a satisfying thump. It tumbles around in pain while rubbing its head. When it regained its bearings, the puny mortal is already charging towards it with a large blade in her hand.

Another burst of black liquid came bursting out of its leg. It dropped onto its knees, unable to support itself. Not only that, it felt an invisible force chaining it to the ground, forcing it to bow down to the mortal in front of it.

"What is this trickery… What are you?" Ragnar spoke after realizing that its defeat is imminent.

Ender took out a badge from her trench coat and showed it to the downed demon. "Agent Ender, UPF," she said while holding the blade with her other hand. "Ragnar, you are guilty of attempted world domination, seven hundred and twenty-three cases of homicide, and…" Ender turned around and saw one part of the forest burning. "Arson."

This mortal, no, no mortal can possibly defeat it. A deity in disguise? A seraph? Why can't it see her face? That was the thought swirling inside Ragnar's head as it gazed upon the human in front of it.

Ender brought her blade down straight to Ragnar's neck. The demon howled in agony as the edge dug through its rotten, cursed flesh.

Then, in its last moment of death, Ragnar saw through it. A pair of violet eyes, unblemished cream-white skin, and a merciless expression.

It somehow recognized the being before it. A being that has her name spoken in hushed and feared whispers. A being so powerful that her very presence feared even the ruler of all worlds itself.

"You are…" Ragnar whispered. "The inevitable end…"

Ender looked at Ragnar for a moment. "I really don't like this 'last thing they see' feature on my veil," she said before beheading the demon in front of her. Shower of blood burst out of its neck, followed by all cultists dropping on the ground like a lifeless doll.