A 'Bug' is about to have a BAD TIME.

(The Re:zero Arc is in the other fic)

"There's no helping it," I sighed, running a hand through my hair. The weight of my cosmic blunder, a multiversal deity hunt in six million years, pressed down on me. "And if we can't go back, we just have to move on and prepare. So, we've got reality-plagiarism number one down. Where's this Being X fellow? Maybe we can find a Megami to slap while we're at it?"

Asuna, her expression softening as my obvious stress seemed to lessen, rose from her seat and wandered over to her throne. It was a magnificent thing, crafted from pure gold, its surface etched with intricate designs that shimmered with a soft, ethereal light. She paused, her gaze shifting to Yui's throne, a curious blend of obsidian and gold, a perfect fusion of my stark, angular aesthetic and her own love of elegant curves. A soft chuckle escaped her lips.

"Oh honey," she said, her voice dripping with mock sympathy, "did you get overwhelmed trying to pick between Mama's beautiful throne and Papa's extremely boss one?"

Yui's face flushed, a deep crimson that meshed spectacularly and amusingly with her midnight-black armor with red cloth accents. "Mom!" she whined, her voice a mix of embarrassment and exasperation. "It's not a big deal! I like both styles!" She stamped her foot for emphasis, her golden sandals clinking against the obsidian floor.

Asuna, unable to contain her amusement, let out a peal of laughter. "Aww, our sweet little Yui," she cooed, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Torn between her parents. It's so adorable!"

"Mom!" Yui wailed again, burying her face in her hands. "I love you, but why are you like this?"

I chuckled, enjoying the familiar banter between my wife and daughter. Asuna, despite her goddess status and her occasionally terrifying displays of power, still had a soft spot for teasing our daughter. And Yui, despite her unparalleled intellect and her ability to reshape reality, still reacted like a typical teenager when embarrassed.

Yui, her composure visibly and forcefully regained, cleared her throat and turned back to me. "Being X will be out of reach for a while," she explained, her voice regaining its usual cheerful lilt, though a hint of exasperation lingered. "But we can go to a world ruled by that shapeshifting usurper goddess, Megami. It's a place called the Hyuman World, and it's unique in that it grants humans an immense power boost, especially those who've already ascended to godhood. Sadly, it doesn't work quite the same way for former AI. Something about the lack of a 'former' human body to transform."

"And this 'Megami'," I said, my curiosity piqued, "why the 'pimple goddess' nickname?"

Yui smirked, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You'll see. Let's just say she's a bit… obsessed with appearances. She's a shapeshifter, you see, and she usurped the entire world from the moon god, Tsukuyomi. She calls it the Hyuman World now, even though it was made for humans and Hyumans, not just Hyumans. But Tsukuyomi left a little trick in store for her and she's definitely going to regret it. Well that is if we don't let her regret it more."

"Alright, daughter of mine," I said, raising my hands in mock surrender. "Keep your secrets about the nature of pimples and goddesses and redirect the conversation to where you want it to go. I approve. Tell me when we get there and make sure we can make an entrance."

Yui nodded, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "You got it, Papa. I'm coming with, though. Spending a full three years managing your worlds up here while you have fun in another world is not my idea of a good time."

Asuna's eyes widened, her playful demeanor vanishing. "Yui…" she began, her voice laced with a sudden concern, "how long did you think we were down there? And what do you mean, it was three years…?"

Yui's grin faltered, replaced by a look of sheepish confusion. "I mean, you must have been down on the 'new world' for at least ten years," she explained, her voice a bit higher than usual. "I set the timescale of the automatic time-stabilization to 'Variable Fast Deviation' so you would get back fast."

"Yui!" My voice rose into the level of alarm that was clearly warranted for missing my daughter's birthday THREE DAMN TIMES! "We were down there for a month! That program is specifically unfinished! Why didn't you just set the timescale manually?! How many years of your life did we miss?!"

"It was only three years!" Yui exclaimed, her voice now bordering on a whine.

"Three years too many!" Asuna and I declared in unison, our voices echoing through the throne room. The weight of those lost years, the missed moments, the experiences stolen by a faulty program, settled upon us like a leaden shroud. Three years. It wasn't a lifetime, not in the grand scheme of things, but it was still too much.

"I clearly need to take better documentation," I muttered, shaking my head at my own carelessness. "Gonna just mark all my prototypes that aren't working as 'Unfinished: Do Not Use.' And no, Yui, that is not an excuse to go code-diving. My shorthand is a lot different than yours, even if they use similar terms. They're used for different things, and you could definitely hurt yourself. DON'T FUCK WITH THE HYPERBOLIC TIME CHAMBER, ESPECIALLY! I sent the test cube into a supermassive black hole by accident three times, and I don't know why! It's supposed to compress time and space, but the space and time are REALLY FUCKED. So, really!"

Yui blinked, her expression went from full surprised at dad's language to sheepish guilt pretty fast. "Okay, Papa," she said softly. "I can probably make ones myself without making mistakes like that anyway. Sorry."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's my fault, Yui, not yours," I said, my voice softening. "Just… be careful with the divinity-based programs. Please. I don't want to lose my daughter to faulty reality-code."

A warm smile spread across Yui's face. "Thanks, Papa," she said, her voice full of affection. "Okay. So, we're here!"

The pocket dimension shimmered, the swirling void of colors and energy resolving into a breathtaking vista. We were hovering above a lush, green world, a planet teeming with life and a subtle hum of magic that tickled my divine senses. Below, a sprawling city, its architecture a blend of futuristic skyscrapers and traditional Japanese temples, glittered under a sky painted with hues of orange and purple.

"Welcome to the Hyuman World," Yui announced, her voice laced with a mischievous glee. "Let's make an entrance, shall we?"

It seemed Yui had, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, brought our throne room spatially adjacent to the goddess's throne room. A grand entrance, indeed. Except…

Megami was talking to a slightly above-average-looking Japanese guy, a bit below my former appearance when I first entered Sword Art Online. Something was definitely off. The scene in the throne room was moving at an insanely accelerated pace, like a sped-up film reel.

We watched, our enhanced perception allowing us to barely grasp the unfolding events. The goddess, with a cruel laugh, mocked this "Musumi" fellow, cursing him to be unable to speak any Hyuman or human tongue, while somehow understanding dead languages and monster languages. Then, with a flick of her wrist, she launched him towards the ground below the throne room, which was apparently floating high above the planet's surface.

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed, already moving to intervene. This "Megami" was a piece of work, and I wasn't about to let her get away with this kind of crap. But as I stepped towards the dimensional boundary separating our throne rooms, I slammed into something invisible, something unyielding. It wasn't a wall, not in the traditional sense. It was… time itself, flowing at a speed so incompatible with our existence that it felt like a solid barrier.

"Yui! Turn off the time displacement!" I shouted, panic edging into my voice. "It's not working from my end!"

Asuna, her face a mask of frustrated anger, was already trying to override the program, her fingers flying across an invisible interface. But it was no use. The time displacement, a consequence of Yui's interacting with my unfinished program, was beyond our immediate control.

We were trapped, forced to watch as this "goddess" – who was starting to look more and more like a cosmic cockroach – wreaked havoc on this poor sap's life.

With a scowl, we reluctantly relaxed our perception, focusing our efforts on fixing the damn time distortion. We couldn't help Musumi right now, but we could damn well make sure this didn't happen again.

Five minutes crawled by for us, an agonizing eternity as we watched a week unfold in Megami's throne room. We saw her bossing around fairies, her voice dripping with a condescending arrogance that made my skin crawl. We saw her watching interdimensional cable, specifically some truly messed-up gameshows where the reward was "you get to live" and the challenges included "don't become a meat toboggan" and other horrifying displays of deific torture.

"Yui," I said, my voice tight with disgust, "make a note of those dimensions. We're going to need to do some cleaning later."

Yui, her face pale, nodded silently.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the time displacement flickered, then vanished. The flow of time stabilized, the two throne rooms now synchronized. We were back in control.

"Right," I said, cracking my knuckles. "Time for a little… intervention."

I shifted the dimensional entrance, moving it from its original position directly in front of Megami's throne to a spot on the wall, high above the ground, outside the throne room. We were going for a more dramatic entrance.

"Ready?" I asked Asuna, a mischievously vindictive grin spreading across my face.

She grinned back, her eyes gleaming with a predatory light. "Oh, I'm ready."

Yui, catching on to our plan, giggled. "This is going to be fun!"

And then, with a synchronized shout of "OH YEAH!" we burst through the wall, a three-person Kool-Aid Man entrance that sent shockwaves through the throne room. Megami, her jaw slack, her eyes wide with disbelief, stared at us as we materialized in a shower of plaster and splintered wood.

"Well, well, well," I said, my voice dripping with a sardonic amusement. "Looks like someone's been having a bit too much fun. Let's fix that shall we?"