Giving in to grief

"Your highness, it's not my place. What I said last time was a slip up and I assumed his majesty would explain the rest to you, and since he didn't its almost treasonous to reveal it behind his back." The healer stated firmly.

I was getting nowhere with her.

She was fiercely loyal and almost seemed like a personal friend to the king.

"So you just expect me to remain in the dark about my child's death." I deadpanned

"I'm sorry your grace, maybe the king would be able to offer a more satisfactory explanation." She said blankly.

I tried to stare her down, but she kept her blank stare without trouble.

I heaved a huge sigh. "You're dismissed."

She bowed and left.

"Your grace, if I may." Carlsile started as I plopped down on my first chair.

"The Northern library should contain information on all proclamations, prophecies or Royal orders if you wish to give it a try."

I perked up at that.

Even if it wasn't helpful, it was a start.

I gestured to Carlsile. "Lead the way."

He smiled wistfully and we proceeded to the library.

It was deserted...and huge.

By the moon how have I not noticed it before.

There were so many papers, books, maps.

Xavier whistled.

"Where would we even begin."

"I suggest starting with books on the Northern history." Axel interjected."

"I agree."

Time to get to work.

We took the time to search for books on Northern history.

But it wasn't until late we discovered something.

Carlisle had dug up the old prophecies by the now dead Saint Oswald Nero.

It was an old book that dated 20 years back.

After scowering prophecy upon prophecy, we finally found one that matched. It read:

Prophecy 243:10

The peace has gone on for years but it hangs by a thread.

All the silent hatred and speaking walls.

Will overflow once there's whiff of the first born of the first son.

The merge shall occur under North,

And He shall lay death in his wake and all races will bend the knee.

But Alas...

But Alas what?

It was incomplete.

I flipped the page but there was nothing.

The next page was ripped out.

The prophecy wasn't completed.

"Your grace we need to get back to your chambers to prepare, it's almost time for the party."

I massaged my temples as the stress started to kick in.

"Yeah...ummm I guess we can come back later and look for the torn out page."

Carlisle nearly dragged me out of the library to get changed.

I was fluffed, sprayed and dressed in a lavish blue gown to go to an event that I could literally care less about.

"How long is this party?" I face Carlisle as he inspected my attire.

"You only need to make an appearance, your grace."

I sighed.

Here's hoping.

I stood infront of the double door entrance in what must be the shinier dress ever.

It was literally glitter.

"You look beautiful your grace." Darian complimented as he held out his arm.

"Darian?" I was startled." Where's the king?"

He looked uneasy for a moment.

"He's...running a little late, but I'll be escorting you this evening."

I smiled as I took it.

Okay...let's do this.

The bastard.

He wasn't here.

This is ridiculous.

I put on a fake smile as I cross my legs, greeting each Royal that came up to me.

No one even mentioned the loss.

I sat on my throne just beside his empty one.

The party was moving on without a hitch.

Laughter, smiles and circles.

It was all very nauseating.

The crowd parted and I sat straight.

Dramatic entrance.

Of course.

I held my breath as the doors opened.

The sight of him took my breath away.

But that was something I was going to have to get used to.

He will always take my breath away.

He came down with the same blank, disconnected look.

You could tell he was the king, even without the crown.

He was easily significant.

The doors opened again and Bile rose up in my throat.

They were dressed beautifully.

Strawberry came down first, then the raven haired followed and then a familiar looking auburn.

Three girls from different territories.

All here to vye for position of Empress.

I looked down at my dress.

Now I wish I had listened to Carlisle and dressed up a little more.

I just wasn't feeling upto it.

Finding out I lost my child to a stupid prophecy didn't help.

He extended his hand to the smug strawberry and she cast a gaze at me.

I felt insecure under her scornful eye.

I could feel her aggravation, and it intensified to hot jealousy as her eyes rested on my mark.

He began the first dance with her and other couples joined in.

I got down from my throne and moved to the floor. The sight of them too horrid to bear.

I was barely noticed, and it didn't really bother me because I couldn't care less about any of these people.

But I stared at him from the crowd as he danced, willing his eyes to mine.

It didn't work. He didn't look at me once. It was like I didn't exist for him.

Hot jealousy coated my insides and nausea took over. I needed some air.

I felt an arm on mine just as I slipped out to the garden, a good distance away from the festivities.

It was Valerie. The female Alpha.

"Your grace." She stopped me, a bead of sweat on her forehead.

"Valerie, nice to see you again, whats wrong, you look tired."

I tried to smile jokingly but it didn't take.

"Oh.. yeah." She stated wiping her forehead.

"I just tried to get to you from across the room and I was waddling so...it took some effort." She laughed. She sounded exasperated gesturing to her showing pregnancy.

"Ah, yes I understand. I haven't seen you around since the dinner party. How've you been."

I tried to force another smile.

"Good. Fine...I just..ugh accompanied my sister here for her consort debut."

Oh... the auburn one...I thought she looked familiar.

"I just heard about what happened and I used that as an excuse to come see you."

Oh...

"Well, I appreciate it but I'm doing fine."

"Really?" She asked skeptical.

"Yes I am." I respond a little less confident.

She had a weird look on her face.

But I could feel the sadness rolling off her.

"Valerie, is everything okay with yo-"

Before I could finish she engulfed me in a hug.

I was confused.

I circle my arms around her in an attempt to be supportive.

"I...don't think you're fine, your grace," she muttered lowly." Losing your child, and this party happening just a week after, and your mate...I don't think you're fine at all."

I understood all that but I knew I had no time to feel sad.

I needed to find out everything

I felt droplets on my neck.

Crying...?

She was stroking my hair...

Aah now I see, the sadness she's feeling is for me.

She's crying for me.

I felt raw at that...like there was no skin over my pain and the wind made It bleed.

All this time, I actually just wanted to feel sad.

I wanted to be hugged.

I wanted lettie to be here.

I wanted the king to tell me he was sorry.

Profound sadness washed over me and before I knew it the tears were falling.

I cried hysterically.

The screaming sobs only interrupted by my need to draw breath. So many tears burst forth and my chin trembled as if I was a small child.

I blamed myself for not knowing my condition.

I blamed Dante for not getting to me in time...for Heather.

I blamed lettie...

And as I held on to Valerie for dear life...

...I cried for a baby I would never know...and I could've been hallucinating but I felt him...pushing me, desperate to unleash elemental rage on the world...