The Exalted Evil

First of all, I need an evil laugh, I mean it has been close to a million years in hell and I haven't made an evil laugh yet. Hmmm... what about [Imitates Janice laugh].

Wow, I can't believe that was considered a major sin and I was thrown further down to the sixth level of hell, one more and I am probably gonna be meeting Satan. I can't keep on singing the same song by Justin Bieber for over ten million years, the latest guards aren't even annoyed now. I guess I should only sing it for 100,000 years after a new guard comes in, I mean due to my behaviour a lot of torturers and guards have quit.

This is boring, they either torture me with my own created punishments or use my ancestor's Ivan The Terrible's punishments. Oh, I also rid myself of my Russian accent and it only took me 1000 years.

Due to my good looks and amazing physique, I have been able to be "tortured" by a lot of succubi.

Well, the torture methods the other guards most commonly use on me is rape by melting steel rods in my ass, impaling my ass with a pole, and keeping me alive to experience the pain. Drowning, frying, and flaying is every day, and then like the cherry on top, they sprinkle salt all over my body.

They also replay a lot of my victim's memories and make me experience them instead.

...

A couple of million years later.

Bored, extremely bored, since the torturers have found out that the best way to punish me is to keep me in isolation, my life has turned boring. The warden has kind of become my best friend, and I am still allowed to fuck some prison bitches. It's not raping if you are doing it in hell, yep I am gonna use that quote.

The warden is 30 million years younger than me and I think I am the oldest soul to ever exist, most souls dissolve and become the energy for hell after 10000 years. I am over 100 million years old and I am thinking of going to the last level of hell to end the boredom, hmmm... but to do that I need to commit an evil sin enough to get into the seventh level.

Hey, aren't retards considered innocent in Christianity? And devils drag their souls to hell as they can't heaven. Well, I am gonna find myself a retarded bitch.

2 hours later.

Well, her moaning is certainly different, *EEEgh* *EEEgh*, "Shut up bitch you are ruining the fun!"

Well, I think I should commit the crime now, I will now destroy the soul of an innocent person.

*POP* "Hahaha, she popped like a balloon"

10 years later.

Ok, I have reached the seventh level of hell and I am going to meet Satan now. I enter the hall and see a fart cloud floating in the air.

"I am the Satan System and this is the first time someone has met me. As the first person to reach the seventh layer you are given three choices.

1. Eternal rest: Become fuel for hell and achieve eternal rest.

2. A job: Become a demon and be my voice for all the hell demons.

3. Defy: Break the limits set upon you and destroy/conquer different realms and piss off a lot of people."

"I choose 3" 'A very simple choice'

"Now please select one of the two paths.

1. The path of Understanding: Enough understanding will grant you the ultimate satisfaction.

2. The path of shamelessness: Try to beg a random ROB for wishes. Be careful! they might modify your soul or outright take it. Plus severe monitoring is done by them."

"I choose 1. Can I also ask another question?" "Proceed"

"Why do you look like this and why can't ROBs destroy you?"

"No one wants to kill the garbage man right, I handle all the souls in the complex Omniverse, plus I am ancient and they are at most elders. Also, I am just in this form so you don't die by seeing my beauty. Now off you go, I will create your new body, your background, and the rest is up to you."

"I hope you don't waste the potential you have accumulated all these years in hell."