From a Start to Another Start

'I love Levi' was the main reason of our marriage could happen in the first place. Classic reason, yet it still didn't make sense. Every word, every logical thought couldn't be enough to describe my feeling to him, just to show that sometime love could win over my logical mind. My story began from him, huh? Yeah, that's right. I was proud being on his side. We're far from perfect, yet we're completing each other. I could act like I could do everything without him. However it wouldn't be same.

People usually called me Tia. Don't ask me if they remember my full name or not. I liked my name, and I liked myself. I wasn't sure if I liked Levi more than I liked myself. I thought I liked myself more anyway. It's my policy and better idea, right? In the end of fate, it depended on God and me alone anyway. However I still had responsibility to protect Levi, likewise I knew that he wanted to protect me.

There was many bad news or red flags about Levi. Good things about him were both his money and his face. I didn't fall in love to him due to those two aspects. Without him, I already had a good paid job, not to mention I had a decent face to attract other handsome male. My love story began with my curiosity about him. Remember that curiosity kill the cat, right? I was curious if he was just as bad as those rumors about him.

I'm both working and studying on College at same time, so was Levi. How could my life be this flat compared to his who seem having much controversy? This boredom made my glace moved toward him; however our first real interaction was beyond my expectation. Levi the Medical Student was known for being weird, but this one was still beyond me.

That day I was standing inside a bus due to not get a seat. What a shitty day it was, then I felt someone's hand touched my skirt, just like about to flip it. I yelled in reflex, not to mention I punch that perpetrator. Seconds later I realized that perpetrator was Levi – the man who ever came into my mind. Sometime I wondered if he ever thought about me at least once because our eyes ever met at times on College although we never talked to each other before.

"What have you done, Stupid?! Are you trying to pick a fight?!" I yelled at him, glared at him with my golden iris eyes. My hair pin fell from my pinkish hair due to my fast movement when I hit him seconds ago, not that my first priority at this time.

"Aw-! My watch incidentally stuck on your skirt-! What kind of girl are you? What if my brain get damaged?" Levi glared back at me with his green iris eyes. Both guilt and protest of being accused could be seen in his eyes. His short hair seemed too messy. Did he want to go college or play around in club? Tch. It wasn't my business.

"Who care? Both your hand and you should apologize to my skirt and me," I stated with cold tone. However I got both happy and excited when I saw a sudden empty seat. I left Levi to get and sit on that side because it's more important.

How childish of me. I knew I was being rude at him as well, but some bad news about him made me felt this action of mine could be justified? Not to mention how unpleasant our interaction was. But then why did I feel a bit of guilt? No, I felt guilty for sure, sadly I didn't know how to fix this.

Who could predict that Levi would approach me again? I was sitting on my side, secretly glanced at his direction. In my disbelieve he gave the hair tie of mine to me. The same hair tie happened to be cheap and incidentally fall. Never mind. He still glared at me coldly, not like I could fully blame him. But hey- why did he have to give this hair tie back to me? He didn't have to do that. That time I felt like he wasn't as bad as some people thought of him. I couldn't help but get more curious about him.

Secretly I gave my attention to him, watching how he joked around with his friends inside this bus. Should I trust that they're his true friends? They didn't say anything nor defend him when I said those things to him. Now I remembered about an issue of him just broke up with his girlfriend. No wonder his aura seemed darker than his black hair. Never mind, it wasn't my business and I didn't want to dig more about it. Ah. How stupid this was? I wasn't a stalker. I got enough with all my curiosity of him.

***

Nothing was unusual about my daily basic life; until Levi started changing by he tried to get close to me out of sudden. I wasn't talking about close or far distant, but this black haired guy tried to get know me better and deeper. I planned to ignore him on beginning, however I felt guilty toward him later on. And how came he got interested in me? Just because of my face like other guys, eh?

"You're ugly, rude and annoying, but interesting at same time. I hope you really trust me that bus incident was truly incident," said him, kept walking next to me while I only wanted to go to alone to cafeteria.

"You should look at mirror, Ugly Levi. Go bothering other girl," those words left from my mouth, trying to chase him away. For God' sake, I got soften by sadness which could be seen from his eyes due to my rejection. What's wrong with me? Pitying at his efforts, I decided to give me a chance.

Before I could stop myself, I already said, "Okay. You don't have to go. Just don't bother me too much."

"Tia, I ran out of medicine. Would you like to accompany me to the hospital? I am not in the mood to ask others about this," he asked me this out of sudden (again) almost like a random topic. Why did he have to ask me with his unusual soft and doubtful tone? It's more annoying to see this side of him due to I got used to see his jerk and confident side. God, could I stop being this soft for him?

"Fine. Don't make this as habit of yours," answered me with softer tone that I was intent to, successfully made his eyes widen in surprised. I was surprised as well. Anyway, if he wasn't sure that I would agree, he shouldn't ask me in the first place. Why would he take a risk of being rejected by me?

That agreement of mine leaded me knowing his bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder was a mental health condition in which a person could be at times be very depressed and at other times very excited and energetic. When that person was very happy and excited, he/she would feel like everything close to perfect, like he/she could do anything he/she wanted; making her/him usually looked so cheerful and energetic. However when that person fell into the depressed stated, he/she could think that everything was meaningless to the point of having risk to take a suicide. It's stated that it could be controlled, but it couldn't be healed fully. There was always a big risk of having a comeback. I couldn't imagine that someone like Levi suffered of that disorder.

I wasn't one kind of warm good hearted people. I could be cold, cruel, blunt and rude at times, although I had reason of being like that. I used to be naïve and want to be good person; however I got tired of trying to be like that after some events of life which I rather forgot. Beyond my expectation Levi could handle this personality of mine. He even could laugh at my jokes, well; some people thought I was funny indeed. Willingly or not I had to accept that we got closer. He told me about everything which made him felt down. I told him about my family issues. He's very caring to the point he remembered small things about me which people usually forgot. We got more comfortable with each other, able to give real smile to each other.

Before everything could be fully processed into my brain; he and I spent a night together, did adult activities together like lovers, shared warm with each other. That night I knew some rumors about him were true, but I didn't mind because I wasn't perfect either. In the most intimated time we managed to feel comfortable about each other. Without my heart could fully realize everything, he had become important in this life of mine.

***

"Tia, let's get married," said Levi one day. It's been months of we've graduated from college.

Nothing was romantic on the way he'd proposed me. Nothing at all. We're making a sand castle together on this crowded beach. His face was full of marker ink, so was mine because we played a marker game before this. He was far from handsome due to that condition, then why did my heart beat faster? Ah, because of the propose I guess.

"You're still ugly but I accept that so you don't have to cry under a tree because of me," answered me, tried to sound cool. I didn't want to look all blushing and nervous in front of Levi! No! I kept thinking like this, tried to ignore how my cheeks felt warmer.

His eyebrow rose in disbelieved. He laughed mockingly, then that annoying asshole said, "Look at mirror. You're uglier than me."

"You know I am ugly yet you want to marry me. Stupid Levi!" I reached to ruffle his soft black hair that I came to love beside his beautiful green iris. More than his appearance, I loved how strong and colorful our bond was. Levi, forever I wouldn't let you go; as I knew you wouldn't let me go as well. You're mine as I'm yours.

***

The day of our marriage came. The day he was legally mine and I was legally his on law of this country. Willingly or not, people had to accept that we're together. I wore beautiful long wedding dress, while he used white tuxedo. Our family and friends looked happy. This party was successful in my point of view. A point that our happiness at its top.

"I didn't expect that I could get married with this much of happiness, almost like novel 'Freedom in Her Eyes' which I like," stated me after we lay down on our bed on this hotel. We've planned to have our first night as official husband and wife on this hotel.

"Ah! Stop reading that novel, will you? I don't mind about other novel, just not that one. I don't know the reason but that novel made me strangely uncomfortable," he protested, playfully threw pillow at my direction. Levi was my victim of being fans-girl about that novel, which I always babbled about that novel to him. Nevertheless it's still strange that Levi felt that way. I didn't understand it myself, but I knew he wasn't lying.

'Freedom in Her Eyes' was a famous fantasy novel these days, told a tale about Male Lead Crown Prince named Ares Frederick de Jove who fell in love with Noble Female Lead named Rebecca Smith. Ares was known to have great magical power or big 'Mana', while Rebecca was smart cheerful girl who looked like having a freedom that Ares almost never had before due to be born as a Prince. Strangely on the side stories showed suddenly Ares got sick until he became blind; not to mention Rebecca had few screen time, almost like she didn't care about Ares's condition. No, no way. I was sure they loved each other to the point a Villainess named Luna couldn't take Ares away from Rebecca. Hmph! Ares and Rebecca were the best couple ever!

***

Weeks later I knew I was pregnant after having some test. My stomach looked as flat as ever so it's only me who knew that good news. The happiness felt more complete because I knew that Levi had wanted to have a child with me for so long. Look at him. He acted like both normal man and normal husband. I couldn't believe that I used to be cautious around him due to cruel rumors that some people threw at him. Who did have a pure past these days anyway? The past might be bad, the present time might be like this; but the future was still pure and clean. I wouldn't give up about our future.

"Hey, Levi. I am-," I was interrupted by a sudden big earthquake. Both my arms covered my stomach in reflex movement, tried to walk closer to Levi's direction. God, why did earthquake have to be this big and strong? I didn't even have a chance to tell him about my pregnancy yet. I tried to spoke but my voice couldn't come out because I was too terrified.

"Tia! Stay there! I will- arght!" Levi walked fast yet carefully toward me. However Lady Fate didn't smile at us. A big wardrobe fell on his body. Seeing him like that, I couldn't think straight.

That day Levi, I and our unborn child vanished from that world. I kept asking if he and I managed to hold each other hand in the end. I couldn't remember clearly. Why did all our happiness have to vanish that fast? At least give Levi to me please. We're not supposed to be separated like this, right?

***

Was there even happiness left for me? I lost my husband, my family, my friends and my unborn baby; not to mention I reincarnated into novel 'Freedom in her Eyes' as Luna the Villainess who would be died by starvation inside of a jail for her punishment. At first I couldn't believe this reality; I thought I went crazy or something else. Life went on no matter how bad I lost my future visions. Did I fall into depression? I didn't know nor do I care. Nightmares were like best friends who were clingy to me, showed me how my husband dead in front of me and the pain of slowly losing my own life.

"Luna, you're too thin for your age," stated my father Reagan who kept worrying about me.

"I'm fine," I tried to smile to a stranger who happened to be my father in this world. I still couldn't fully accept this world was my new current life.

That eventful day I met Ares who completely looked like my husband Levi! The differences were his expression, his pupil got sharper almost like a cat and his black hair got longer. I didn't know this was a delusion or reality but I was sure the soul inside that Ares body was my Levi. This feeling was too strong for me. That day my energy went back slowly, wanted me to fight for having Ares on my side again. Unfortunately I never got a chance and confident to ask if he was my Levi. Then tragedies happened because I was the Villainess, turned out I was hanged in front of him who sitting down on his throne. I knew the story lines of this novel, but somehow every variable moved to the point I lost tracks and then death was my punishment.

Again and again, just like broken records; I reincarnated again as Luna, made me sick of it but I could do nothing for it. Why couldn't I be Rebecca? What did I do wrong as a wife to make my husband being taken away from me? Holy sh*t, I sounded desperate. What could I say? Ares was the only one I had left from my pervious life as Tia. I was sorry to Rebecca because I believed that I was the Villainess who deserved Ares the Male Lead.

Every chance and every possible way I had done, but unfortunately Lady Fate seemed like hating my guts. I kept failing, be dead again and again without having real moment of happiness here. Sometime Ares also followed into the death door, such as he fell down after being hit by many arrows in front of me. On the next life my head got cut off in front of him. On a life where we could get married again, we got burned together as punishments. Mine and/or our pride had been trammped on. I was desperately tired of having that kind of life. To be honest I couldn't remember how many time I've had been dead, and my memories of those life weren't complete either.

"Ares, promise me. On the next life you have to survive. You have to win with me or without me on your side. Aren't you tired of losing? One or both of us have to win, okay?" I was dying yet I used my leftover energy to say those to him. I didn't have a chance to hear his answer. Or did I forget again? Friendly reminder, my memories had many holes.

***

I've been born again. Minutes later after that, I already could think like an adult. Then what? I WANTED TO CRY! Forget all those love if in the end I will get bad sorrowful ending again! Hiks! I was bored of those. When would I get happy ending? Levi and I already did our best as Ares and Luna! Oh wait. Did Ares ever confirm to me that he was my Levi? I didn't think so; however I was sure of it. Maybe this time I was allowed to act like a child, right? Be happy normal child!

My baby cries stopped after I got a better look of…my mother?! As long as I remembered, my mother usually lost her life after giving birth to me. Would this life be better? A foreign hope blossomed into my heart, and then I obediently drank the milk from her.

"Luna. Yes, your name is Luna. Be a strong girl, will you? Survive on this life. Do you know how your mom can be this healthy and successful? I ignore many man," my mother whispered into my ear, despite I was sure that she should know that baby wasn't supposed to understand her advises.

Not to mention what kind of advises that were? But she's right. I had to prioritize my own safety above everything else. I had to gain power and good status. Those were basics of surviving. I was sure that I had known those on my pervious life; however my incomplete memories were on the way. Ares, our indirect divorce might be due to our death, but it didn't change that we're separated now. We all deserved another new start, and this time I got the feeling that I had to win no matter what; with or without Ares on my side. This time I would make sure those people would see me with respect.

***

To be continue