From the five chapters that I have read, it is clear that the world-building in this novel is extensive and well-developed. The descriptions of the different locations, such as the city of Madakarr and the mountains of Hallirand, paint a vivid and immersive picture for the reader. The inclusion of multiple species, including Gorlans, Humans, and Scailoids, adds depth and complexity to the world. The political and social dynamics between these species also add to the world-building, as it is clear that there is a history of conflict and tension between them.
The characters in this novel are also well-developed, with unique backgrounds and motivations that drive their actions. The main character, Isaiah, is determined and resourceful, as shown in his ability to navigate the dangerous mountain range and his willingness to take on any job in order to gain his freedom. Yumar, the main love interest, is also a well-developed character, as we see his struggles with his abusive father and his desire to escape the cycle of violence in his clan. The supporting characters, such as the woman who is searching for the boy and the pirate captain Argis, also have distinct personalities and motivations that add depth to the story.
One aspect of the novel that could be improved is the dialogue. Some of the dialogue, such as the exchange between Yumar and his father, feels stiff and unnatural. For example, Yumar's father says, "You have no right to stand with pride boy, not after what you did!" which doesn't feel like something a person would actually say in a heated argument. Additionally, the use of repeated phrases such as "ha ha" and "well" in the dialogue between the woman and the man in the desert can come across as repetitive and distracting.
Another area where the novel could be improved is in the pacing and structure of the story. The first three chapters, while providing important background information, can feel somewhat slow and disjointed. It is not until the fourth chapter that we see the main plot of the story start to take shape, with Yumar's desire to escape his abusive father and the pirates' plan to rob the warehouse. This abrupt shift in focus can be jarring for the reader and it would benefit the story to have a more cohesive structure. Additionally, the dialogue in some parts of the novel can feel clunky and unnatural, with characters making jokes or statements that feel forced or out of character. This can disrupt the immersion in the story and it would be helpful to have more organic and realistic dialogue throughout.
Overall, the world-building and characters in this novel are strong and provide a solid foundation for the story. With some improvements in pacing and dialogue, this novel has the potential to be an engaging and immersive read. Finally, a reminder again that this review has been written for the first 5 chapters. I hope you keep up the hard work and upload constantly.
It was fun reviewing your work.
