Chapter 1: "TALKING TO THE GODS"

Where is he who cares for me? Whom so many have professed would bless me! Why has he left me to suffer and moan? Why do I feel so much shame, disgrace, pain and alone?

How could He say He loves me and stated... for a purpose like this I was born? Why there is so much uncertainty and confusion; so much war, strife and delusion? Where is the hope and prosperity like He had given to the men of old... land flowing with milk and honey... as He had promised to the courageous and the bold?

Am I to live like this? Not a penny in my pocket and not a friend to cherish?

No adorableness of a child, a pet, a new worth or new birth to chuckle about?

No comfortable home to dwell in or even good food to nourish my flesh which lacks the appearance of a well-nourished human body?

Where is the God who has created you, me and this planet we live in? Who claimed, he knew us before we were beckon to come onto this earthly, green planet; seen with all its possessions?

Who has trillions like me in his powers that he releases every time a male and female shack-up for seconds or hours?

Matrimonial or not the struggle is the same so I need these questions answered right now so I don't spread anymore blame, share the pain or perpetuate the game!

I know He is here alright! No doubt about that! But what does he wants from me?

After I have suffered so long on this planet called earth, not sure if I am going or coming; not even sure of my worth!

The abuse and mistreatment had been too much to bear! And they weren't coming from any aliens either! They were coming from folks that looked and spoke just like me! Folks who understood my language, culture and customs; and some who had shared the shelter I had dwell in! Why do you see me differently? I asked. But I couldn't get an answer! So I had to turn to a source far bigger than they who were around me and who had chosen me for this earthly purpose... this war!

I was less than a year old when I heard and saw him! He had made a promise to me, he somehow couldn't keep!

It was very strange to me but it stood vividly in my mind as I wonder and ponder during life's tiresome journey!

Sometimes lonely, sometimes sad, most time broken, at other-times even confused and mad! Not the madness that will take one to an insane facility, but a madness of figuring out who I am... where did I come from and why do I need so much publicity to get along?

But most importantly, why was I always treated so inferior than anyone else who was around me?

And so I tucked in the corner of my mind all the strange happenings I had observed and experienced during my short life-time or journey! Most times fearing the folks around me would really call me mad and physically abuse me even more than they already had!

Now I was much older and a little wiser too! I had been to many places around the world where knowledge was imparted into my brain - it was the best way for me to learn!

I had obtained knowledge from educational systems of the world, knowledge from religious systems of the world, and also knowledge from off the streets of the world... knowledge that has been imprinted on the four corners of my mind - knowledge I will never ever forget either... like rejecting cocaine when I didn't have a cent to my name! While other knowledge came jingling into my brain whenever something similar would be occurring in my presences... causing me to question where and when some of these experiences had unleashed themselves in my presence!

It was only natural that I started questioning the voices that I had heard... not in my head! But those voices whom I had heard speaking as if someone was right beside me... voices from persons whom I couldn't even read or see! Voices that uttered sounds that seemed to be with me while others seem to be against me!

There were times I didn't know whom to trust; but I had notice they had personally like any human being... conflicting, caring and sometimes; dreadful threatening!

Sometimes declaring horrendous warnings of arson if dwellings were made of lumber and not cemented rendered! Causing the inhabitants or dwellers to slumber because fire had taken it over!

Whether the lost was materially, financially or emotionally bound! They would all end up suffering trilogy leaving an effect of trifling trickling; and no triumphant reign! Only pure sorrowful endings!

Some even embodying the body of men causing them to activate other senses! Sense of violence and contempt and senses of sexual permissiveness allowing some to bed the already wed!

Some of them would activate a sense of beheading and when you ask why? They become clueless and can't ascertain the reasons for shredding their human brethren!

Some portray them as Satan and others say demons while others refer to them as reincarnated humans... who hadn't fulfill their life's mission!

But I call some of them; "Gods", walking the earth trying to reclaim whatever was stolen from their fathers' birth!

They needed to build kingdoms of their own for whatever that is worth! Since they have been rejected and alone for many a decades without any directions from where they might be from! They could have realized that their souls hadn't reached the heavens or probable, they haven't obtained residency on any other planet; causing them to relive their lives here on earth so they could reach another realm of heaven! But this is my presumption though, only the "True God" really knows all things well!

And as a large shadow flow into my room and kept still as if it was waiting for some order from another source. I became very bold and demanded that it showed itself... I was too curious! I needed to know who or what it was!

I was so very amazed when it responded to my request!

Amazingly, a beautiful dark skin man appeared with a fleshly being! I could physically touch him and feel his smooth skin!

Even though, my consciousness had been altered for a brief moment before I could actually do so!

I was shock! I was in disbelief! But not terrified! And so he came and sat at the edge of my bed beside me; as I felt his body to see if it was really real!

And with the surprising emotions I was feeling, I commented to him that he was indeed beautiful! And in my mind; immediately I thought, that when it is said, that black is beautiful, it is really beautiful! And then I was out of the state of subconsciousness and back to this natural realm!

He then stated that he had to go now! But where to, I did not know and neither did I get a chance to ask either!

Was my home a road for his journey? Or was he hiding from others who were of a different caliber in being or statue? Or had he come to see how I was doing? And for many a times I had thought about it - the experience! But he wouldn't be the last one who would come to come see about me or what I was doing!

And looking back... I can recall in the state of New Jersey and in the dead of winter I went to visit my sister's house for thanks giving dinner!

It was there that I had notice a flow of white clouds engulfing the house she was living in! Making me ask; if there was someone burning something - garbage in the back yard; causing a huge body of white clouds to engulf her entire house!

Although, I hadn't smelled anything burning, I still had to ask! I needed to assured myself that what I had seen was for real! I had to confirm to tell my consciousness that what I was observing was very, very, real!

It was shortly after, I saw a little girl emerging from the clouds; as if she was busy or on an errand!

She ran from room to room... looking and searching for something, but what? I couldn't tell! And then suddenly, she wasn't to be witness anymore!

Somehow though, I was amazed because she looked like me! The only difference was; her hair was much longer than mine and the features of her face looked very, very white! As white as the clouds in which she had emerged from!

I then turned to my sister to enquire from her; if she had noticed the body of white clouds inside her house!

And nonchalantly, she responded...

"It has been in the house all the time... ever since I moved here!"

I found it very strange but stranger things would later happen!

It was probable few weeks after that... at my own house, I heard a tremendous banging on the walls of the house!

The banging continued for a while... couple minutes well!

I believed I had visitors; so I shouted more than once... "The door is open, come on in!"

Needless to say no one responded! The banging continued even more! I recalled saying out loud...

"You guys must be getting deaf! Because I have yelling on the top of my lungs that the back door is open so you guys should come on in!"

At this time, I thought it was my sister or one of my nieces!

So I got up from where I was resting to enquire; why my so call visitors weren't responding to anything that I was saying to them!

I then opened the back door and proceeded downstairs.

To my amazement! There was no one there! I went outside the yard and looked and called; and still, no one answered!

I felt as though someone was playing a prank on me! I didn't realized I had a spiritual visitor until

I was on my way back upstairs... that's when I had noticed a ball of fire coming from the gas hose behind the stove... just as I entered through the back door of my apartment!

This was propane gas! This could blow up at any time... any minute!

I am not the one to panic at the drop of a hat! Or get hysteria at the drop of a catastrophic situation; but my heart was racing! It was beating like a drum at a carnival festival!

I am usually pretty calm during any traumatic situations! But not this time!

I wanted all that was necessary and important to me to be saved!

However, I knew to call the emergency number of the city right away, even though I was shaking like a leaf! So that's what I did first!

I then grabbed my pocket book with all my identification cards - my credentials and whatever little cash I had; and then I was out of there in the flash of no time!

Another miracle was right behind this one... by the time I bolted downstairs to escape the inevitable the fire truck was right at my door steps! I couldn't believe how fast they had arrived there! It was as if, they were outside waiting for me to open the door!

Anyway, they entered the house with a rush... hose, tools and fire extinguisher in hand as if they were saving some place of very great importance, like the white house!

Some of the firemen immediately, rushed to the basement and turned off the main gas line from there! While some had entered my kitchen and removed the gas hose from behind the stove!

They then instructed me to replace the gas hose as soon as I could! But, under no circumstances should I use the stove until the gas hose had been replaced!

No one could hold me from a thanks and praise dance! It was coming deep from within... so I began to pray and thanked the Almighty God for sending an angel to alert me and for the earthly saints - the firemen, for responding as fast as they have had!

To me, this was evidence that there was an unseen being looking over me! This unseen being which I couldn't see sometimes but only hear; and at other times, I could hear but couldn't see! And then again!

I have to admit it... I sometimes could both see and hear them!

Why the variables, sometimes? Sometimes seeing, sometimes hearing and sometimes both!

This is a question I too ask myself many a times... I'm still unable to come up with answers though!

A bigger miracle had happened prior to the one I had just stated! And just like in the book of Hebrews, "Faith" is recognized! Well, this miracle too needs as much recognition!

I had not completely erased it from my mind; but with the ups and downs; and sometimes the trials of life, even I too forget; that such miraculous events had taken place in my very presence!

This one was the icing on the cake! I had sleepless nights thinking about it and oh! How I wish that this miracle would reappear, but in a different fashion! Although, it could have been fatal! I hope for it to reappear but, without the fatality!

My shift at the rehabilitation facility where I work was over! I had worked the seven to three shift and then the three to eleven shift; on that day! Although, I had done a double shift, I was a bit tired yet, still very coherent!

On my way home, I had stopped at the traffic light and when the light had changed I followed behind the vehicles that were in front of me!

While at the intersection the traffic lights changed... it was on amber and I was at the middle of the intersection, already!

So I proceeded through, instead of stopping in the middle of the road; because it was impossible for me to reverse... or else I would be reversing into on-coming traffic! Furthermore, the cars behind me were at the cross-walk already!

A string of other cars were behind those cars that were behind me! What was I supposed to do... Back into them?

After driving approximately a mile from the stop-light the police officer who was parked on the opposite side of the cross-road decided to drive me down and stop me on some lonely stretch of road where there wasn't much street light or human activities taking place!

With lights flashing as though it was an emergency scene and he was constantly tooting his car horn loudly, he got my attention!

I pulled over to the right side of the road as the law requires one to do and patiently waited for him to give me a reason for stopping me!

I could hear clearly, a voice in the back seat of my car saying to me... be brave! I couldn't understand it at first! But I sure would later!

Anyway, I gave the officer my credentials as he had requested and he returned to his car with them. He was in his car for what seems like hours; before he came back to tell me what he had stopped me for! He then claimed that I had run the red lights!

I blatantly rejected his claim and told him that the traffic light got me on amber and I was in the middle of the intersection already when the lights had changed! And furthermore, from what I can recall from the driving manual; it states that, 'once you are in the middle of the intersection and the light is on amber, you should proceed ahead!'

I had gotten a hundred marks on my driving score and I had pretty much remembered it by heart!

We were back and forth conversing that I didn't run the lights and he was persistent that I had!

Strangely though, being in a state of frustration, disappointment and even a case of tiredness, I would say! I spontaneously, blurted out to the officer!

"I pray to God that you crash and die!"

I didn't say it with any fear at all but with a feeling that I had been unfairly treated!

I was being provoked, I was being demeaned, I was being taken for a fool and I was being cheated!

And so he drew his gun from his holster and pointed it at me; and told me to repeat myself!

I wasn't scared! And just as I was about to repeat myself!

Two beautiful golden men came from out of nowhere!

They were bronze in color and a glow of light shown on their foreheads! They looked like ripe golden East Indian mangos! That's the only way I can describe their complexion. They were the most beautiful men that I had ever seen! One was tall and the other was short; and the taller one was wearing a plaid shirt! I just can't recall what the shorter man attire was... but I believed it was a whitefall-on shirt! But if they came from behind the church or out of the church! I am not exactly sure! But they were on the opposite side of the street from where I and the police officer were arguing!

I thought I was going to die that night due to racism and bigotry! Even though, I had spent hours on my feet taking care of a bunch of old white people... that's how I made my bread!

And right away! I had recalled the saying my father always uttered: if you live by the gun you will die by the gun! That use to be his omen!

It was now - at this point, that I understood what Jesus meant when he said:

"I came unto my own and my own received me not!"

Here I am working... risking my life taking care of people just like he was; and he is going to point his gun at me! But god grace is sufficient and his mercy is renewed every single day!

But these two divine angelic beings would intervene on my behalf! And they were very serious too! Talk about men on a mission!

And so they cross the street to where I was; and in a demanding voice ask the police officer what I had done wrong, for him to pull his gun at me!

The officer turned around and saw the two men and tried to shrug them off; but the taller man was persistent! And so he repeated his question; this time with more detrimental commanding!

"I said, what has she done wrong?"

This time even the police officer demeanor quivered as he replied... "She threatened me!" "How did she threaten you?" The Angelic Being enquired.

"She said, 'she hope and pray I crash and broke my neck'!" The officer replied.

"Well that is not a treat! That is a prayer!"

Utter the beautiful Angelic Being.

"She didn't threaten you! She said a prayer for you! So put the gun away, give her back her credentials and leave her alone!"

The Angelic Being demanded.

Even I was in shock and impressed by the angelic being, demanding mannerism and authoritativeness!

Right away I began to think that he was a fellow police officer... a superior or someone up the rank in the police force ladder!

I thought the police officer was going to point his gun at the men - the angelic beings and an outburst would start then and there; causing a huge problem!

But he was obedient! He put away his gun and handed back, my credentials to me like the angelic beings' had demanded him to do at once!

The look on the police officer's face was one of servitude. It was as if one of his superiors had just ordered him to carry out a command he wasn't comfortable with... his face was pink red like a bunch of wild roses! Up this ears became blood-red! And his eye became glassy like the blazing heat from fire at burning garbage site!

His face was dropped like a ripe bread-fruit! It was sulky and sweaty! And he appeared very nervous! He then returned to his car without arguing anymore!

The two men were still standing by my car observing his every move!

After I had put away my credentials I turned my head out my car window and told them thanks a lot for intervening on my behalf! Thy then knocked the side of my car and told me to be careful the rest of the journey! I told them I would! And so I pulled off and I was on my way home again!

Driving home had been very surreal!

While driving home, I could still hear the voice saying I should be brave; in the back seat of my car!

For the rest of the nights' journey I drove home even slower than usual! I was prompted... whether it was instinct or intuition I was prompted to look up; but when I looked up through my wind-screen window; what I saw had placed me in great disbelief!

I was shock! I had never seen anything like this before! Was it terrestrial beings following me?

What I saw was a great big light... it was not the moon! It was way bigger than the moon and much clearer than the moon! And it was following me!

Repeatedly I looked up to see if it was there! And it was! it was hovering over my car like a crystal ball! It didn't seem like an object - it was pure light! And it wouldn't go away either! It wasn't until I had reached home, park my car, got out and walked to my front door that the huge light had broken-up into small pieces and dispersed - scrambled away into the mid-night skies!

I went inside, showered and then went to bed! But the voice for me to be brave was still ever present in my head! It was drumming in my head in my soul like a marching band and it wouldn't go away either!

I had gotten a little sleep and when I had awoken the voice was still repeating the same thing... for me to be brave! I wondered and pondered in my brain of its meaning!

However, I had later concluded that I should go to the police station the following day and report the incident!

So the following day before I went to work... I left out earlier than usual and stopped by the police station to report the matter to whomever was in charge.

At the police station, I asked for the superintendent. But before I was directed to his office I was interrogated as if I was a criminal or some indigent soul without good character!

However, I kept my cool as they interrogated me!

The superintendent then came from his cubby-hole! He was more pleasant than I had envisioned him to be! I thought he would have given me the ninety degree like what I had gone through with the rigmarole by his subordinates.

Anyway, he had listened to my complaint with a keen ear and then he thanked me for coming in! He then said with a sympathetic look on his face, "My apologies my dear!"

I was given several photo-albums to look through in order to positively identify the officer who had drawn his gun at me!

But none of the initial albums that he had showed me had the police officers' picture in it!

The superintendent turned to me and again asked, if I was very sure of what had transpired as if he wanted to make me out to be a liar!

I stated to him I didn't have any reason to lie! If it wasn't for the two men probable he would have shot me dead!

Furthermore, I was coming from work, I was wearing my uniform and I still had my identification badge around my neck! So there was no way, the officer could have mistaken me for any criminal! So his actions were no accident!

So he went and got another book and handed it to me. He then asked me to look through it if I had seen the officer who had pulled his gun at me... whom I call the culprit! As I turned the second page of the album... there he was... no mistake that was him! I could ID him positively!

I put the photo album in front of the superintendent and said,

"That's him right here!"

"Are you sure?" He replied.

"Without a shadow of a doubt, this is him here, right here!"

I had announced, in my reply.

The superintendent then shook my hand and stated that he knew that I wasn't lying; because several other community members had already made complain about him and his behavior!

A matter of fact, this was his last chance if one more resident or citizen had complained about him again from the community... he would be history - he would be out of the force in that community!

The superintendent then said to me he couldn't believe what he was hearing; because he had given this particular officer so many warnings already!

Numerous complains had entered the office about his behavior and his approach towards the public already! Especially, in the minority communities!

There were complains about him using excessive force like he did with me! He had used deadly force already with a senior Hispanic lady; causing her to end up in the hospital on a gurney! And many had already petitioned for him to be removed from the force or from that community!

If it wasn't for those guardian angels - those celestial beings turning terrestrial! I probably too would have been dead that night without a single witness to defend my cause or my rites!

The superintendent, I must say was very understandable! Because he saw to it that the tickets that I had received from the officer were dismissed - null and void! Done way with permanently!

And weeks later I had received a letter stating an apology and the outcome of that police officer position at that office! He had been dismissed from his duties at that station; from what I had been told and he wouldn't be on the streets to bother me or any other citizen in that community! What a relief!