Heart's Desire - 1

I sat for an hour on my throne as I continuously wiped my tears which didn't seem to end. I could already feel the sides of my eyes slightly tender and a bit painful to the touch.

"Why?" My voice already turned hoarse from all the crying earlier.

Was I that ugly?

Was I not important? Irrelevant?

Did I not provide her enough happiness?

Does her family know and somehow disapproved of our relationship?

What's the reason?

Man up, Ezzie. Stop crying.

I should just grind for a while to let my reasoning go back.

...

Today was a Tuesday, and Wednesday is incoming. Even her brother didn't log in. They're probably busy with exams, I know.

"Should I just study instead?"

I glanced at my bag which wasn't touched even once since I went home, but I felt sleepy instead.

After cleaning my desk and washing the dishes, I faced my bed and fell forward.

Greeting my pillow, I closed my eyes, yet unable to feel sleep.

Not sure how much time had passed already, I took my phone instead and checked.

"Wednesday already. First day of masteries week."

I didn't get any sleep as I took a bath, which made my head hurt. My body felt sore and my eyes felt very heavy.

I only reached the school because this week is important, and the exams are starting earlier than the usual schedule of classes, so with my slow pace going to school and with students prepared for the start of exams, I arrived quite late.

The guard that I always greet every morning was busy behind the gates so we didn't get to meet each other today.

Dragging up my body to the fourth floor felt excruciating like I became an old man overnight, but I finally made it.

"Ezzie...! Wait, are you alright?"

I glanced at the classroom and found our chairs already arranged one seat apart.

"...Let's talk after all the tests are over."

Walking over the seats, I finally saw the desk where my name is at.

"Good grief."

I was about to sit down yet some guy pushed me and I almost toppled over the next desk.

The noise and clatter the desk and chair made attracted attention, and all eyes were on us.

Fuck, it's early in the morning and this guy just had to worsen up my mood.

"This is my desk."

We're all at the same age range in this class so no point in explaining how much our births differed. His hair was long enough to be noticed by the school's Vice President yet he still didn't cut it on exam day.

"Fucking delinquent."

"Say what?"

His voice turned deeper as he turned back towards me after he loudly dropped the desk between us.

"I said..."

"Ezzie and Joseph. Fix those desks or I will not give you your test papers."

The class adviser finally made an entrance just in time as this thug Joseph stole my desk.

"Tch. Loser."

Since he didn't want to repeat another year, he banged on the desk and cocked his head towards me before turning back to his faraway seat which had an uneven leg.

Explains why he'd want to switch, but why me?

"Fucker."

Good thing no one heard, but my supposed seatmate today glanced at me as I whispered while bringing my desk back to its position. I also saw Aiden getting back on his seat after I did.

He probably plans to stand up for me after seeing what happened, but was only stopped by the teacher.

That's my best friend for ya.

...

Our break time wasn't long enough for us to have a chat, so I quickly finished my food and returned to my seat only to find it already swapped. Everyone's desk that led to that bastard Joseph also got unhinged from place, indicating he probably rushed to change our seats.

"Wow. What a real scumbag."

The uneven leg wasn't even that too high for him to be impatient with this desk. Looking for something to balance this with, I was about to return to my bag but the bells tolled once more and tests resumed, making everyone block my way and go back to my rocking seat instead.

"He deserves that desk yet he wants a stable one. Talk about equality."

My seatmate who glanced at me earlier quietly talked to herself, but I saw her move her eyes away from me in a split second.

"Yeah. No worries, my grades are cool."

Without looking at her I gave a silent reply and sat back.

...

"Dude... That's messed up."

I told him about what happened last night, but not so much that I told him I cried so hard. That's not very manly and he might tease me for it.

"I know. I'm not sure how to approach her, or her brother, or both of them. Almost no one's online yesterday as if there was some kind of maintenance but does having a mastery test really impact your gaming that much?"

"You're really out of it. Maybe 'games impact your studies that much' is what you mean."

"Wait, no. Ugh. I should probably just sleep early tonight."

"Better yet, list all of your questions and copy paste it in. I worry for you bro."

"Good idea but I probably won't be able to think since I'm really tired."

"Should I walk you before we separate paths?"

"Sure if you don't mind."

I didn't regret that decision to agree with him.

Right after I stepped outside the school grounds, a loud honk greeted me as I was thinking of what to do tomorrow, and I only felt a hand grabe my sleeve and pulled me backwards.

"DUDE!"

"What?"

A large truck zoomed in my vision and I quickly took a step back from the gutter. The truck's strong tailwind almost tripped me from the force and Aiden was still tightly gripping me from the sleeve. His hands were even slightly shivering either from the strength he's currently applying, or from the sight of what just happened.

"WAKE UP! Don't lose HOPE!"

Just what did I deserve to be dealt with a heavy blow to the heart?

I almost died because of my mindlessness.

Good thing I have my best friend at my side that I now owe a life to.

Realizing that I just brushed past death itself moments ago, I felt my lips cold as my knees shivered and strength slowly sapped from my legs as I fell down on all fours.

"Sorry for shouting... Are you okay!?"

I couldn't look at him in the eyes as there were already tears raining down on the cement ground where I'm at.

"I...I really... love her, do I?"

Holding back the sadness from my heart, I put a lot of effort into letting those words out of my mouth.