Just Two Bros Hanging Out In Another World (No BL)

Today is the beginning of another awful day. Equipped with my bulletproof backpack, I decide to get a whiff of refreshing, suburban, lawn-mowed grass before the school bus arrives. Glancing away from my phone, my eyes catch a glimpse of a familiar figure approaching me, my best friend Rain, so I decided to strike a conversation with him before the bus arrives.

"Hey dude, what's up?"

"I think I'm dying bro barely slept last night"

Oh great. It's Dillan. I'm not trying to be mean, but if Dillan was a plant, he'd be a blade of grass… on a freshly mowed lawn… if the grass was yellow… and dying… and covered in dog defecation.

"Oh hey guys!"

Look at him. So energetic in the morning. What kind of person is capable of exuding so much energy at 7 am? My eardrums can't handle this guy.

"So, did you guys study for the Calculus test we have today? I prepared for the last 2 weeks, so I'm pretty confident that I'll get first place in the class yet again."

Wait… There's a Calculus test? When did that middle-aged she-demon tell us about a test? I wonder if Rain knows about this.

"Hey Rain, did you prepare for the test?"

"...Bro what sorry i was like half asleep, yeah the calc test though to be honest I'm probably gonna fail it"

"Yeah, I didn't study either. Do you want to study together on the bus or just sleep?"

"Bro I'm just going to sleep. Even if were did try to study I would probably just end up falling asleep"

"Are you guys talking about studying? Can I study with you guys? For some reason other people don't like it when I try to study with them. I have no idea why. Don't you just love the integrals of the inverse trigonometric functions! In fact, last night my parental unit printed out 5000 practice..."

And there he goes… On and on and on and on and on… I mean I'm not a 'mean' guy persay, but Dillan is one of the most aggravating individuals I've ever met in my life. His nasally voice, his subtle bragging, his passion for the educational system. If I could make a hit-list, he would be the first one on there. Wait no, all 30 trillion cells in his body would each get their own little spot on the list. It baffles me how after six million years of human evolution the gene pool able to produce two people who still have enough genetic flaws to produce someone like him. Maybe I shouldn't be too hard on him though, he could be inbred: 20 generations of inbreeding might be able to create something on a similar level to him.

Let's just ignore him.

"Yeah bro, I'm probably just gonna snooze as well" I responded disregarding the overflowing ejaculate left in the air after Dillan opened his mouth.

Climbing onto the bus, Rain and I get in our usual spot as we slowly drift into slumber.

…

One bus ride later

…

Well, that was a good nap. It almost made up for my 5 years of sleep deprivation. I usually wake up before Rain, so I always have to tell him to get up when the bus arrives at school.

"Dude, get up. We're at school"

"Balls"

Unfortunately, we have Calculus first period, so there's no time to form an optimal cheating strategy. We idly walk to class doing shitty impressions of Dillan along the way.

" *nasally voice* Hello Rain. I was wondering why my eyes had scanned your father atop my mother last week? According to my studies, I presume the two were engaging in an ancient Indian activity called 'humping' that night? Do you perchance, good sir Rain, have an idea as to what this activity pertains? Perhaps it is a colloquialism that all of my peers are partaking in. Let me give it a try. Oh yes. I do so quite enjoy a good 'hump' with my canine from time to time."

"Yooooooo haha *nasally voice* I've recently taken interest in the kama sutra, unfortunately, they hump their women, not their pet hamster in that ancient yet wise text. I, for one, do not understand why one would hump women rather than cattle, a vastly superior option. My pet hamster quite likes it when I engage in these sorts of activities with him. Sometimes our positions reverse, and my senses become stimulated."

"Pffffft. Okay bro, we gotta stop. We're almost at class, and you know Dillan's already there."

"Dude literally runs to class every day and still rocks that 12 minute mile."

"Cut him some slack dude, his scores in class are always at the top. Especially on the BMI scale."

Sitting down in our seats, Rain and I pray to the heavens, take out our mechanical pencils(superior), and grab our Texas Instrument graphing calculators.

"Yo Rain, do you have any ideas for exchanging our profound knowledge of the subject that is Calculus during the examination?"

"Hey Siri, 'how to pass calculus exam easy no studying'" Rain jestfully asked his superior apple product

"Hello Rain. Your top search result for 'how to pass calculus exam easy no studying' is 'wikihow: how to use aldridge demon rituals to pass any exam'"

"Pfffft. Bro we gotta try this." I stated.

"100%."

"Ok ok ok. Step 1: Pray to the demon god Cthulhu by offering your social security number and credit card information as a sacrifice. Step 2: Scan the area for any potential tryhards. Step 3: Utter the secret words *Dillan's a dweeb* with one other person to initiate the ritual."

"Lol is that what it actually says"

"No, it's just a bunch of random garbage. Want to just say it anyway?"

"I don't know bro, kinda spooky bro" Rain said jokingly.

"On the count of three?"

"Sure."

"Dillan… Is… Gay… Go!"

"f̶̧͖̹͎̟͕̼̦͈̦̩̓̄ę̶͇̩̬̏͌i̵̢̛͖͙͓̗͎͙̣͚͈̳̐̍̔̔̔͂̽̂͘͠͠͝ͅn̵̢̛̰͕̤̫̺̲̖̯͓͋͗̓̒̓͘͜͜͝e̵̢̧̛͔̮͔̭̦͓̯̺̻̺̻̤͐̀̎͊͂̐̀̃̆̏͊̅̊͆̿̕͠ì̶̤̘̹̬͖̻̲̮͈͖̋́̐̈́̐̾͐̄̈́̏͝r̷̢̯̗̜̯̝̦̗̦̠̦̬͒͌͊́v̷̡̢̙̻̰̲̑̂̃̒͊̽͋̒̈͐̽̀i̴͉͙̞̘̔̆́́̐̒̓̿͆̒̽̈́̑̊́̕e̵̡̜͖̔̌̔̐͂̒̀́̎͑̏͒̃͋̃̈́͌ř̸̛͇̦̩͈͇̙͓̪͇͓͖̙̣̍̈́̀͂̐̄̈̈́́̈́͌̕ͅö̶̡̧̲̳̲̥̠̻̖̠̭͇́́̇͂̀̌b̴̨͉̺͓̘̺͎͖̺̩̹̱͖̺̫̥͚̦̂̃̈́̓̾͋͊͛̋̋̂̈̈́̕͝ḭ̶̭̀̀́̾̂͂́̓̽́͒̄̋̚͠ȩ̸̭͇͈̟̩͚͈̜̠̰̠͓̱̰̓́͛̇̚r̷̢̛͕̦̜͍̫̲̳͍͖̻͂̊͌͝b̸̧̠̲̗͕͊̓̇͛̀̐̔̎͗̃̀̂̑̍̏͘͘͝ ̷̱̱͚̔̿́f̸͈̝͎͓̜̼̫̂̕͜í̴̛̮̠͍̪͎̻̤͊́̈́̾̍̀̽̓̈̐͘ǹ̸̳͙̇̃̑͛̀͆̌̿̐͌̔͋́̂̈͆̊́w̸̨͎̟͈͎̼̝̱͇̮͎̏͆͒̓̒̈͜͝ḛ̴̛͓̠͇̹͎̺̮͇̝͖̱̼̓͗̄̋̔̋͛̓͜ͅṉ̷̡̧̢͖̙̬̹̯̣̜͖͕͎͉̞̪́̋̇͊ȋ̶̛̗̼͙̯̲̰͉̱͉͇̽̔̕͘͜͝ͅó̴͇̹̫̯͓̭̯̰̱̳̠͕̥̎̓̔̀́̏̇́̋̈́͌̉̒ę̴̢̺̰̜͎̹̪̭̞̝̟̩̯̝́̀͆̏͝͝͠ͅn̶͕̱̮͓̘͖̳̝̦͎̰̦̞̘̉̉̔̏͛̂̓́̊̑̕͘w̸͕̬̦͙͇̟͓͇̜̮̞̍̓̆̓̄̏ṽ̸͉̰̫̣͎͉̳͈̺̮̲̖͈͓̥͈̥͎̏̀̏ ̸̡̪͚̯̮͓̝̹̝͙̝̞̙͙̻̞͙͔̪̉̍̀͑̒̌̿ė̴̢̨̢̧̢̝̙̺̜͎̠̳͈̹̗̰̎̒̅̽̒̄̿̋͆̑͑̍̑̔̒̕͝͝ͅf̶͔̼͕̬͇͚͔̄̓̐̀̿ͅw̸̧̡̢͕͎̙̬̬̬̹̦̱̝̼̻͇̖̉ȩ̷̢̤̪͚̣̫͉͕̲͗̂̔͝ḟ̶̧̡̧̛̜̭̪̪͈̯͈͉́̃̒̂͆̋͝w̵̢͇̟͎͔͚͎͉̙̞̎̈́͐̐́́̓͂̏̉̕ê̸͚̞̭͔̝̫f̸͓̥̍̐́̇͌̓̒͒̀̃͆͂̆̌̽̕̚͝"

As expected. Nothing happened at all. But it never hurts to make a sarcastic comment.

"Dude, am I tripping or do you also see the massive demon portal covering the entire classroom."

"Yeah bro, I think I see Margaret Thatcher down there"

Unfortunately, a real demon, our teacher, was summoned into our class. It is as they say: 'When the bell rings, the demon sings.'

"Everyone sit down! I know some of you *glares* don't take this class too seriously, but I'll have you know that studying is a necessity in this class. This test is a reflection of your intelligence and integrity as a person, so know that if you happen to fail, it really shows everyone you'll ever meet, have met, and are meeting in your entire life, including God, just how worthless, useless, childish, and entitled you are."

Yeah. I'm sure it does… I'm sure it does…

Ms. Demon starts handing out the tests, making sure to lick each individual page with her pudgy fingers.

I can't resist. Sarcasm is my true nature. I have to make another bad joke.

"Ooooooh noooooo bro. I'm so scared. God's about to kill me for being entitled"

"I'm feeling reeeeeaaaaaaaal entitled today bro. If you know what I mean." Rain stated suavely.

"Dude, *gasp* do you think a portal to hell is going to open if we fail this test?"

"We can only wish bro... We can only wish..."

"Honestly, it'd be a quality upgrade in scenery. Maybe the teachers there are nicer."

Rain gives a nod of kinship. Then gives a confused expression. I follow his gaze to a spot under Dillian.

Wait… Is there an actual portal growing from the center of the classroom? Is it going to surround the whole classroom? And, is it sucking us in?

"Hey bro, that portal isn't real, is it?"

"Dude. I think we're gonna die."