I Want Mechas, Not Wives!

"Hey, let's kiss! Let's kiss!" She's practically glued to me, this annoyingly clingy woman. I shove her away, my eyebrows doing a dance of irritation.

"Hmph, as if I'd kiss a lowly girl like you!" I snap, hoping my harsh words will deter her.

But no, she bounces back with even more enthusiasm, practically tackling me. "Geez, you're so noisy!" she whines. "I'm gonna have to make you shut up!"

Her voice might be sweet, but her actions are pure evil. "Get off me!" I yell, struggling in her grasp. "You stink!" Okay, maybe she doesn't stink, but I'm desperate here. How many times does she need to try and kiss me in a day? My lips are starting to feel raw.

"Let's play kissy-kissy~" she coos, her tongue darting out like a snake.

I manage to fend off her attack and push her away, but then...

"Huh?"

Thud

My cousin crumples to the floor like a malfunctioning robot. But it's not the sound of her falling that bothers me. It's the splitting headache that suddenly erupts in my skull.

"Ahhhh!"

Images flash before my eyes, memories of a life on a backward planet, a place where civilization hasn't even figured out how to harness its own satellite's energy.

Wait a minute... Am I Aryan Kapoor?

The blissful expression, the mischievous grin, that tiny mole on her neck... it all clicks into place.

This isn't my cousin. It's Saffron Yukline, the red-haired princess, a 3-star knight of the Astromark Kingdom. Which means... I'm Ryker Yukline.

Crap.

This is bad. Really bad.

I clutch my head, the pain slowly receding. But as it does, a new, even worse realization dawns on me: I'm the villain of my own damn game!

Ryker Yukline, the scum of the universe. The most hated character in RPG 2032.

This can't be happening. I refuse to believe it!

I look around frantically, searching for anything that proves this isn't a game. A bed with weird metal bars, a sleek red mecha in the corner, a fancy cannon module on the wall... and a mirror.

My reflection stares back at me: a dazzling blonde with pale skin, a pretty boy who could charm anyone with a single glance. But right now, my face is contorted in horror.

I'm handsome? Cool? No way.

This is Ryker Yukline we're talking about. The scummiest of the scum.

Why me? Why did I have to become this guy?

But wait... maybe there's still hope. If I just stay out of the story, avoid the heroines, maybe I can survive.

Right?

But what if the story forces my hand? What if I get framed for something I didn't do?

Okay, new plan. I need to curry favor with the heroines. Maybe then they'll show me some mercy.

I'm only 15 now, ten years before the game's story begins. There's still time.

With a newfound determination, I turn to my "cousin," who's still sprawled on the floor looking dazed.

"I, um, I'm sorry for calling you a lowly girl. I'm reflecting on it, so please forgive me."

NO!!!!!!!! I really can't do that!! It will be an immediate death flag since the heroines in this game are all psychos, and if it's Saffron, if I am submissive, she will bully me to death!

"HAA! You want a kiss, huh? Then, teach me how to use the cannon module that you bought recently!"

I point at the cannon module that hangs on the wall, my voice brimming with haughtiness.

'Hope this works out!!'