37 I can't do this anymore

I am becoming a clingy person I loathe myself so much, yesterday after arguing with cole I stay awake the whole night thinking he'll come to talk with me but guess what he never did. I hate him sometimes because he acts like a douchebag I feel like I am the only one missing him. Whatever I am sick of waiting and I am gonna go up and beat some sense to his head. My idea of marrying him flew away yesterday and l am scared to ask him now, I am scared I'll push him away.

I reach his floor and enter his apartment,  there are empty beers and leftover pizza his place looks like a mess. I pick up all the clothes and start cleaning up. I know it's been hard for him but he needs to stop being miserable.

"Cole"

"Cole are you in there?"

"Cole"

I am met with silence I open his door and see him laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He doesn't look my way when I approach him.

"Cole are you okay?"

"Go away ly am not in the mood "

"What's wrong?"