Ever Never

Soft sway of trees against the wind, birds chirping, singing their morning song at the bluish sky, and some noise coming from other creatures of the forest blends in harmonic serenity - the sounds are distant yet seem so near, like a surreal feeling. But a traitorous part of my mind tells me I am not dreaming at all. Something is amiss, my stomach twists in ways I know meant trouble.

I wake up suddenly, gasping for air, my chest is heaving, eager to fill my lungs with all the air I could breathe. I feel light-headed from the sudden rush of senses coming back all at once. I close my eyes and cover my face with my palms, trying to recover from something I am not sure of.

The grass dances as the morning breeze move west, gently tickling my skin, sending shivers down my spine. My blood runs cold as realization dawn on me of where I am. Silently praying all is but a dream within a dream, I slowly open my eyes only to see a rabbit with curious eyes staring at me a few inches away. I raise my hand to touch it but it runs and hides behind a bush.

'So, it happened again.'

I know I should be freaking out waking up naked in the forest seven days in a row. I am still, but lesser than the first time it happened, more of confuse. Last night, I made sure to lock the door and window but judging by the way I am laying here in the grass on the back of our house, it is not the best solution. I should try to tie myself in bed instead. If this carries on, I might empty off my wardrobe.

Groaning and on the brink of insanity, I get up, my limbs in pain as I had just finished a workout. I run my way to the tree where I put my extra shirt and pants purposely for this situation. Luckily, the houses here in the suburbs are far away from each other about a mile. The endless forest almost dominates half of the place. Our house is two-story made of bricks, simple on the outside yet cozy inside. We do not have neighbors and I think it suits my mom's reserved nature.

After dressing up, I jog all the way to our backyard. Sun rays already peeking through a canopy of trees in the deep woods, if it was another day, I would love to watch as I sip a cup of hot coffee.

I open the back door carefully, not wanting to wake her up. One thing I hate about is confrontation. I tiptoe inside, ascend the stairs, and blow out a breath of relief as I reach my bedroom door. Oddly enough, it is already open.

"Where did you go this time?"

The door swings inside, revealing my mom. Dark circles form under her eyes, her cheeks sunken, she looks tired. Gone is the lovely woman I know, the coolest mom in the world, my best friend. A pang in my chest momentarily made me feel guilty for treating her like this, but I shake it off.

"Why bother yourself? Don't act as if you care." I say flatly. I head straight to my en suite bathroom and close the door on her face.

I lean my head on the wall and close my eyes. My hand grasps the shower valve and slowly turns it on. The water tickles as a soothing cascade, indulging me with the comfort it gives. I gulp the pain away and stare at the tiled floor. I hate my life.

I hate her. She was the reason we had to move here and leave my dad in Melbourne. If she did not sleep with that lawn gardener maybe my life is still normal. Maybe this thing that keeps recurring will not occur at all.

My hands and feet are filled with dirt as if I dug the ground with my bare hands. No traces of injuries just like the other day but that does not ease my mind. What is happening to me? Why does this keep occurring? Should I tell someone?

Dad. Maybe I could tell dad. But how?

'Hi, dad. Uhm I kinda waking up late in the middle of the forest. No, I am not sleep-walking, that's not possible. Oh, and did I forget to mention? I am missing my clothes too.'

I shake my head, wanting to clear my mind with these unwanted thoughts.

'But he doesn't wasn't you.'

That little voice says in my head, making me upset.

'He didn't even glance at you when he walked out the house'

'If he cares, he should've called by now'

My life is so messed up I thought, wanting the water to drown me or at least let me forget the things I left behind and things I am forced to deal with now. So much for wanting my life to be normal.

AFTER SHOWERING, I end up choosing a halter neck summer dress in a lemon-yellow shade that ends above my knee and is flowy from the waist down. I pick up my white converse shoes to complete the look. I am not a girlie woman but hey, looks still matter to me, who doesn't? This is my third day in an exclusive high school for my senior year on a side of the town.

I peek at the clock and groan inwardly. It is already six-thirty a.m. The way to school would take at least twenty minutes, that is how far we are from the town proper. Grabbing my bag, I go down the stairs hastily and grab a caramel muffin on the kitchen counter. This will do.

"You ready?" Maria asks enthusiastically, a rehearsed smile on her face as if nothing happened upstairs. Her eyes though are gloomy and distant. She is my ride as I am still young to drive a car, only seventeen summers.

I ignore her, put earphones on, and gladly eat the muffin into its last crumbs, swaying with country songs as we drive past trees after trees. Reaching our destination, I did not even glance at her when I slam the door shut and hurry inside the school.