Cupcakes for lunch

"Hand it to them," I reminded the lady in charge in the kitchen again, swiftly placing cold cash in her apron's pocket.

I glanced at her one more time before grabbing the tray where my food for my late lunch is at.

Rex and Vien are at our usual table and I passed through them to sit on a different one. Yes, I had the guts to. After a moment, the lady proceeded to serve them their cupcakes. I watched how Rex throw questions to the lady, obviously because they did not order that, while Vien is already busy removing the paper wrapped on it.

I cooly take the first bite of my food while watching her enjoy her cupcake until she stopped to pull a thin piece of paper out of her mouth. Since it is rolled and a bit long, I waited for her to finally read the writings on it. I sipped on my drink when her forehead creased so Rex proceeded to read it too.

Not guilty of the fact that there is a high possibility that she may swallow that piece of paper if left unnoticed, I continued eating.

I casually stepped out of the cafeteria when Vien is about to stand to lash at me. This is better done like this. Especially now that someone is up for my life.

I am that greedy, I do not like sharing.

It has been seconds since I entered my room and I haven't even opened the lights yet when someone disturbingly knocks on my door.

They come at me a bit late, but as expected, they still came.

I opened the door only to see a furious teen girl in front of my room. She is not with him. She is alone. And she is not just angry, but, shaking in anger.

"What is this?" she said, holding out the paper she took out earlier from the cupcakes.

I glanced at it quickly before returning my blank stare at her.

"A paper," I stated the obvious.

Her eyes moist more at my answer.

I know. I'm a difficult person.

That's why I am giving you the chance to run away from me.

"Eat all your worries out, thy feelings are just a burden to me?" she recited the writings on that paper. "That is what you wrote to Rex!"

I listened and watched how she shaked more remembering those messages.

"I have no time to be with an overemotional teen. Your presence is too much for me. Get lost?!" now she has recited what is for her.

"We are just being a friend to you and yet you are treating us like this? How inconsiderate and heartless are you?!"

I firmly remained silent on my position. She walked near me and shaked me by the shoulders angrily and I let her do it until she got tired of waiting for a reaction from me. She brashly wiped the tears that is starting to fall from her eyes as soon as she realized what kind of person I am.

"You are selfish." she sobs, her eyes now busy with the unstoppable tears that's traveling to her cheeks.

"I never said I am not," I coldly said, disregarding her cry.

"You have gone far!" she exclaimed at me.

I raised my brow at her remark before talking.

"Gone far or not, should I care? Who are you anyway?" I inconsiderately argued back, "From the very start, I am crystal clear on anyone. I didn't fail to show that to you. To anyone. You and your hope for me has gone far and that is not my concern anymore."

I got stunned when she angrily threw her cupcake on my chest, hard. The stickiness of the icing is now getting to me. Her emotions is getting to her and I am already bothered about how she would calm herself down after this.

She should calm down. She should not waste her tears on me.

"Eat your flawed attitude and your unwavering pride! You are selfish! Maybe that's the reason why no one stands with you! Root alone forever! You deserve it because-"

I closed the door on her face before she could even turn to walk away from me or add more words to her statements.

I closed my eyes, analyzing what I had just done. Realizing what she said to me.

Maybe she is right.

No. Not just a maybe. She is really right.

I am flawed.

I deal with things in a crooked way.

I am prideful.

No one's gonna stay with me.

Vulnerable, I leaned behind the door, looking blankly into the darkness. This is definitely what I deserved. To be fed by unending turmoils. To be left to rot alone.

And I am, in no way, playing the victim card. That's just not it. I am discouraging anyone to become my victim because I know I am still too resentful with my life. I tend to hurt people because I was hurt and still hurting. I am honestly scared they'll be telling me sooner how undeserving I am of their love the moment I am already dependent on them, so I chose to be the first one to do it. I spent so long in loneliness that I've forgotten how to deal with companionships.

I never thought simple things like attachments, can trigger receipts of how I am left unwanted by the world, all these years...