Chapter 49: Of Flags and Family

Summary: A small little game

"That no one will ever know about." Steven growled. "Because that would cause a 'panic'." He spoke sarcastically as one of the kids flung applesauce in his face.

"What's the point in learning responsibility if Mom's not even going to take it seriously?" He and Star were on the same page as usual, but it was because they both didn't like Mom's decision. "Hiding the rose thing I get now, but this is a dimensional problem!" That was with bits of corn being spat in her face.

"Hey, look on the bright side…Mewni corn is the best." Marco, one of their invited guests to the family reunion, gleefully took a bite of his cob.

"Absolutely. Finally, a vegetable." Tad spoke up from Kelly's hair. "Absolutely divine too, you guys should start exporting interdimensionally."

"I'll add it to my list when I become queen…if I become queen because at this rate, there won't be a dimension for me to become queen in." Star pounded her head on the table. "You know what the problem is? Mom still sees me like a child. That's why she keeps putting me at the baby table with all the other babies!"

"Well she let you go to the adult table." Kelly said, swallowing her own food. "You're the one that chose this."

"Because we don't want to sit around with the Butterfly's and their tea, we wanna go with the Johnsons and just have fun playing catch or something." Steven said with a dry voice. "And Aunt Etheria is super nit picky about how I act just because we both have star marks."

"Yeah, she's not your boss." Star agreed. "Whenever she visits we have to hide where she can never find us." Mostly hidden entrances in walls.

"Why do your family's keep meeting up every year like this if they hate each other so much?" Kelly asked.

"The Butterfly's see it as a chance to convince mom to remarry while the Johansions love being able to pick on higher nobles without getting in trouble." Star explained. "The only good thing that comes out of it is the game of Flags, where we all race to the top of the hill and compete to plant it first. The person who does gets the right to look down on everyone else for the whole year without argument."

"That sounds awesome!" Kelly smiled widely.

"... Nah, too violent." Marco shrugged. "If you-wait i'm being generous, when you guys sneak out to play it, you're on your own."

"I like to think it's family fun." Steven shrugged. "Even if I'd never play it myself. That's why I hide at the kids table."

"What if you weren't doing it by yourself?" Kelly asked.

"Oh yeah." Star smirked. "The three of us, four if you include Tad, are going for a four way team up. We'll dominate the hill and capture the flag easily. Then, we share the bragging rights!" Star cackled quietly, as to avoid Mom hearing her.

"Great idea…except I was thinking we could take it a bit further." Kelly said. "Just hear me out, we need to get better at stuff with Ludo and Homeworld and stuff getting more serious..so why don't we make the run as Kurtz?"

"Wait, what!?" Tad coughed on some corn. "Are you serious? I JUST got used to hearing you do this while I'm not here, and I finally got out of the hospital to boot!"

"Yeah, doing it while we're just dancing is one thing, but this is a game most of our family takes super seriously, and Kurtz…is a little…overeager in stuff like this." Steven added in.

"I was going to say brutally competitive and egotistical." Marco deadpanned. "They kinda flaunted themselves a bit in the Bounce Lounge."

"Why hide what you have naturally?" Kelly smirked. "Think of it like this, it's practice for if we need to fuse during a serious fight. This is just a way for both of us to get used to it, and we don't even have to seriously fight people, we just have to be fast enough to avoid everyone else.

"And what about me?" Tad asked a bit aggressively, something Steven could get since … well he was going to be fusing with the guy's girlfriend.

"Since Marco's staying behind, you can team up with Star or whatever." Kelly said that a little too flippantly for someone in a relationship to be. "If you can actually keep up with the rest of us and not fall immediately off a cliff."

"Wha, I can totally keep up with you guys." He spoke, annoyed.

"Then let's wager, first Duo there gets to choose the movie tonite."

"You're on!" Tad jumped out of her hair, and onto Star's head, awkwardly resting his legs like a latch.

"Yeah, I am not okay with this." Star groaned.

"Well where else am I supposed to rest? Do you have a backpack on you?"

"You should…you know what, never mind, Flags are about to begin and we need to get ready."

"As the neutral party of this current event, I have to remind you all that your mom is going to notice if the two of you…" Marco posted to him and his sister. "..aren't seen at the table."

"Oh I have a plan for that." Star laughed, messing with mashed food.

"Are you sure we should fuse?" Steven was still hesitant. "Star doesn't want to team up and I don't want it to be unfair." In all honesty he didn't want to participate at all, the sport was bloodthirsty at times.

"Dude, both sides of the family here are willing to chop off limbs. One of your uncles literally has a chopped off head sewed to a horse. I say we're leveling the playing field."

"All that does is up my apprehension, you do realize that right?" He asked sarcastically.

"We have more control over our hair when we're fused, we can just cover ourselves and harden it." Kelly then pointed to Star. "Besides, it's the best way to keep up with your sister and keep an eye on her."

"That is true." At the very least he wanted to make sure Star didn't lose a head like Uncle Bump did. "Fine, but just for this. The moment it's after we'll split back up … I don't exactly feel okay doing it around my family." Star coughed. "Grounded family."

"Eh, they could all use a good kick in the pants anyways if they try that nonsense like the blood moon ball." Star waved off. "Besides, mom played flags when she was my age, I don't see why us playing is any different."

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Greg had mixed feelings about this dinner. One one hand, he got to hang around Steven's adopted family, who were wonderful people. On the other hand, they were very … high class. He felt like if he forgot to extend his pinkie they'd chop it off.

At least that was the feeling he got when he was right across from the Butterfly extended family. With the Johansions, he could let his guard down just a little, but that came at the price of almost getting caught between several impromptu wrestling matches when he wasn't dodging a spear being thrown overhead.

"Is it…always this hectic around here?" He tentatively asked Queen Moon.

"Yes, River's family loves to have their annual events and roughhousing. He says it builds character." She explained easily.

"A family of brutes is what it is." One of the women there spoke up. "Completely unfit to be as high up as they are in the social ladder."

"I'm not changing my mind, I believe I've made my stance on the matter clear for the past twenty or so years." His son's adopted mom rolled her eyes.

"I think she's at least made some progress." A younger looking gal said, staring at him. "This one has class with him."

"Th-thank you, madam." He gave a slight bow of the head. "I don't remember my family reunions ever being this tense. The only argument I could recall was when my cousin Andy got mad we switched the dates of arrival." He wasn't one for things to change.

"It can be a bit overwhelming at some points, but it's necessary for keeping peace between our two families. Two kingdoms getting along leads to a better Mewni." The Queen sighed. "No matter how much trouble we have to put ourselves through."

"That's more than I can say about my own family. Agreement wasn't exactly an option. It was their way or the highway."

One lady leaned in with a smirk. "You could always marry into ours."

THAT made him freak out even more than hearing about Steven's abduction into space. "Ah…no thanks, I've already met the love of my life." He couldn't really fathom starting another relationship with anybody else, especially after Rose, even if Greg knew she would be more than ecstatic if he dated again. He was probably the gem's only non-polyamourous relationship.

"Oh, did you bring your kid over?" An older woman asked.

"Yeah he's right over …" Greg laughed. "Wow, now that's a classic I thought I'd never see in action."

"Yes, yes, pardon me everyone, I'd like to have a moment with our guest." Queen Moon dragged him out of the way. "Mr. Universe, I am glad that you can enjoy yourself and get to know your child, but do be careful. The rest of my family isn't aware of his adoptive status, and I'd like to keep it that way for as long as possible."

"Oh yeah, I understand that, I was gonna claim Marco and hoped he went along with it." Greg smiled. "I was just laughing at the food decoys."

"The food-what now?" The Queen gazed over at the children's table, and noticed the decoy of Star, made out of mashed corn. "Quartz, why didn't you.." The decoy of Steven was of a melon shaped like him, one that actually moved and waved at her. 

"Wow, talk about ingenuity." Greg noticed. "The kid's got a knack for art."

"Yes…the art of getting grounded." The queen groaned and banged her head on the table. "I swear they've both been getting into more mischief ever since I sent Star to earth. I genuinely don't know if I made the right call letting her continue to train there."

"I think it's fine as long as they get to have fun." He shrugged. "They're kids, they should have the chance to enjoy their lives."

"There is a point to that I suppose, being Queen is hardly going to let her have any of that kind of recreation when she takes the throne." The Queen sighed. "The problem with it is that their choice of fun around having the time involves them getting into danger." She turned to the only human resident at the kid's table. "They went to play Flags, didn't they?"

"Yep." Marco responded, calmly biting into a piece of corn. "Star wouldn't have listened to me, Steven wants to protect Star, and Kelly really wanted to form Kurtz."

"Kurtz?" They asked.

"Oh yeah, fusion of Steven and Kelly."

"They fused!?" Greg shouted. "Me and Rose couldn't make that happen … such a lucky boy."

"They're fused…that process Rose did with Pearl that makes them merge bodies after dancing suggestively?!" Moon looked more freaked out, grabbing a piece of the table and snapping it off.

"It was more of a ballroom dance, but yes." Marco took another bite out of his corn. "This is the best corn in the universe."

"I know right?" It was pretty incredible all things considered.

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Kurtz laughed as they drop kicked their cousin Rocks. He wasn't that bad of a guy, just really rude whenever Steven saw him at the Silver Bell ball, and Kelly was always in the mood to teach lessons to jerks, so that meant anyone getting in their way was fair game.

This was awesome, running up and beating up people as you raced for bragging rights. Something that they, no, that Kurtz deserved, because they were amazing. Speaking of, maybe a name change was in order. Steven was the more prominent name, so maybe … Keven? Nah, that sounded a bit off. What about Stelly? Three letters of his name and three of hers. Maybe they should run it by their sis later.

"Agg!" The fusion turned as they watched Tad crawl. "So … many … explosions!" Oh come on, you can do it friend honey. That was a confusing mess Kurtz or Stelly didn't want to focus on, locking the problem away as they went forward. Smirking, they made their way to uncle Grunt and punched him in the face multiple times with their hardened hair.

"How can hair be so hard?!" The Johansion screamed as they tried to fight back with an axe swing, only to stop it completely by blocking it.

"By the power of friendship!" Kurtz/Stelly shouted gleefully as they threw the ax, as well as the man himself overhead. "Man, it's been a while since I've felt this strong!" Steven's powers were glitchy and Kelly's been needing a big win ever since Homeworld invaded. This was a great time for all of them!

"Hey, Kurtz, how's it going?" Star asked, jumping over a spiked fence.

"Totally awesome, as I am." They replied with a grin. "Say, I've been thinking of a rename. Does Stelly sound good?"

"Huh…it does actually." Star said as they avoided some falling boulders. "You're more than what you were back at the Blood Moon ball, you're not nervous or anything, it's like you're a different person."

"Yep, I'm the best." They smirked, punching away another cousin. "Best of both of us as I cruise through these guys for dominance and the flag." Stelly jumped over the body of an aunt. "It's like a dance floor, except every step I make kicks someone's butt." Butt they didn't have to feel bad about hurting because everyone was trying to do worse to them.

Yeah … it's pretty bad. Maybe we should stop while we're ahead. No, it's fine. These guys have taken worse, they're laughing off the pain. Alright, but remember to keep the fighting short, no all out brawls. Completely understood! 

"Heads up guys, Aunt Etheria is up ahead, and she doesn't look like she's taking prisoners." Star pointed up ahead of them, where she seemed to be using some kind of vine magic to strangle her enemies.

"Why would she join in on this? I thought this was a Johansen family tradition only." Stelly asked as they looked at the woman they slowly gained on.

"Everyone's permitted to join, and the Butterfly's will take any opportunity to have the right to look down on the Johansions." Star explained.

"Seriously, Queen Mom married King Dad, they should just leave it at that." They rolled their eyes. "Sorry royal aunt, we're gonna get past you, whether you like it or not!" Hopefully without making her too mad.

"Quartz!" They shouted, pointing at them. "Remove yourself from that wild child and end this ridiculous crusade!" Etheria shouted to them, already readying her vines to attack them. "I'm not afraid of ripping you apart manually!"

"Wrong thing to be afraid of, you old crone!" Stelly shouted, pulling out their sword and cutting the vines easily, using their hair to help gain momentum. "Maybe you need a reality check!"

"And maybe Moon should've doubled down on whatever discipline tactics she's been using, because it's clearly not enough." Their old relative groaned. "Bad enough she married that buffoon and tainted her daughter's blood, now her only chance at having a decent child is becoming just as troublesome."

"... Tainted?" Stelly cracked their neck, rushing in and hitting them against the wall. "How about I show you just how troublesome I can get after I run a blade through you, you egotistical bitch!?"

"Watch your tongue, boy, I.." The woman wasn't given any chance to continue as Stelly sliced the top half of her hair clean off. 

"Etheria, don't worry, I'll handle this degenerate!" Cousin Heartrude tried to strike them from behind, which was prevented by their hair forming a shield.

"Back off, I'm showing this woman what a so-called 'degenerate wild child' can do. Especially when she insulted my sister!" They didn't give them a second to respond as they shoved the shielded hair into the man's face, and sent him rolling down and tumbling. "You think you're SOO much better than everyone just because you're a Butterfly? Well guess what?! I've been learning quite a lot about my family for the past few months, and you know what?" Stelly re-aimed their sword at Etheria. "Some of the worst people in history are Butterflys! And YOUR living proof of it!"

STOP! The fusion paused, their blade inches from Etheria's neck. I knew it, we went too far, we need to defuse now! No, we can still- You're right, this is far from a game now. But she hurt us, she hurt you both. We need to do somethi- "BE QUIET!" They shouted, covering her face with … pink hands?

"What, huh.." They looked around, the world going slow. "Star?" They looked to Steven's sister, who was running up ahead. They then turned to Tad, who was in mid air, about to fall over the side of the hill. "Is this that pink state Star went in? Is this what she saw?" 

Slowly, the fusion began to move. Etheria's face was still in terror, looking like she was in the middle of closing her eyes. Heartrude was still rolling down a hill, but at a snail's pace. "Is the world going slower..or am I going faster?" Just another confusing power to Steven's ever growing list.

This is so freaky. We can totally have that freeze day we missed out on! Maybe later, right now we have to figure out what to do. The fighting is getting too out of control. It wasn't anything serious. It was, we almost decapitated our aunt! We may have gotten a little too personal there.

It was just an accident, she would've been fine in the end. That doesn't mean we should try to hurt her. Think about people like Buff Frog, or Lapis. They did bad things, but they're also good people who helped us, even when they didn't need to. We're not out of control animals, we're better than that. Alright, alright. We leave her alone. But we can't be responsible if she attacks again.

They began walking around, noticing the constant slowed state of everything. How fast did one have to be for this? And how did they turn it off. Like I said, we should diffuse. I…fine… we did go too far. Great, the two were on the same page, and it was about splitting them up. 

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Star could barely blink before she saw her half brother almost decapitate her aunt, before blinking out of existence and into Steven and Kelly a bit farther away. That seemed like a good enough wake up call to realize everyone was crazy and violence was not the answer for family. Too bad Aunt Etheria didn't see it that way, taking the moment she was free to shove Star out of the way and back to running to the top.

"Wow…my entire family on both sides are full of jerks." Star grumbled, before turning to her brother and friend. "Sorry guys, you had another bad experience because I dragged you into this."

"No, it's not on you…Stelly just isn't meant for fighting…at least not now." Steven picked himself up and offered Kelly a hand up. "Maybe if we focus on working together unfused more, it'll calm them down."

"Yeah, probably." Kelly muttered half heartedly, picking up Rose's sword. "So what are we doing here? Triangle formation to plant our flags?"

"No." Star grumbled. "This entire game is just a big excuse for our family's to hurt each other, and no matter who the winner is, it's just going to continue if someone plant's their flag on top." Star thought for a second. "No matter who wins, everyone loses."

"Too bad there isn't a way for everyone to win." Steven sighed. A lightbulb went over her head at that very moment.

"Maybe there is, my genius little brother." Star smirked. "Operation snatch and grab!" She grabbed the flag the two of them were using and held it. "We steal everyone's flags and plant them all at the same time. That way no one will be able to look down at anyone, because there'd be no one to look down on!"

"You do realize the moment we grab them, everyone from both sides are going to be gunning for us, right?" Kelly raised an eyebrow..

"You have a sword, Steven has bubbles, and I have magic. I think we've got this." She smirked. "Yo Tad, you in!?"

"... Hospital … please?" The hairball pleaded. 

"Don't worry tough guy, just rest in my hair." Kelly's mood seemed to shift a little lighter when he plopped Tad in her head. "Alright, what are we waiting for?! Let's do this! Go team Crystal Butterfly!"

"..Did we ever come up with that?" Star asked her brother.

"I always thought we were just Stary Quartz." Steven shrugged. "Then again that was when it was just us and now all this happened."

"Let's think of the semantics later, we got a game to win!" Star was starting to get concerned about the girl's sense of relationships, especially if what Pony said to her was true.

Star ran, snagging flag after flag, hearing the shouts of her family as she avoided and countered everything. "Hey dad, sorry dad, bye dad." Even her own father.

"I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU!" Dad shouted as he was smacked across the head by one of his own cousins! This was becoming less of a rivalry between families and more of an excuse to just punch people in general.

"I hope you see why I try to be a pacifist now!" Steven yelled.

"Yeah yeah, peace and love and all that junk!" She shouted. "Now come on, I've got a good third of the flags, what about you!?"

"I managed to take Rock's and Heartrude's, and Etheria just freaked out when Kelly brought out the sword…I think Stelly may have traumatized her." Steven sighed.

"And I got a good twenty or so locked away in my hair." Kelly laughed. "I know it's bad but I think you should ride on that Etheria paranoia for a while, just to get back at the girl."

"Well…it will be nice for her not to be so naggy whenever I'm sitting right next to her from now on." Even if it came from something bad, it was nice to see Steven still having that little rebellious spirit inside of all that kind innocence. "Hopefully she'll just stop being mean in general once we complete the plan."

"Eye's on the prize then, people, eyes on the prize!" Star charged ahead, the three of them nearing the very peak of the top. "Everyone get ready.."

"OUR FLAGS!" Etheria's naggy voiced called out, and sure enough, she and everyone else was right behind them, looking more feral than any monster Star's ever come across.

"Of course, now of all times is when they decide to work together!" Steven rolled his eyes.

"Screw the countdown, plant them now!" Kelly shouted.

"I'm on it!" She was about to, even with both Johansion and Butterfly about to jump her. She braced for impact, huddling her brother and Kelly…only for a blast of blue light sending everyone surrounding them away.

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"Mom…" Star said with awe and amazement, and probable fear, which she was right to feel.

"You have wings … and you're blue." Steven muttered. "Wait, you have six arms? Are you a fusion?"

"No, this is something that all Butterfly's that go through Mewberty have the potential to achieve." Moon explained quickly, narrowing her eyes at her children. "You know Star, you would never believe what I found at the children's table. Your twin sister, made out of corn." She said with a level of blunt sarcasm she hasn't practiced in years."

"Wow, crazy. First there's Quartz's secret history and now a sister I never knew I had." The girl awkwardly laughed.

"Yes, so odd, I don't recall having a corn baby. Even more uncanny is seeing Quartz's twin brother made from a Watermelon." She held out the sentient fruit before them, which waved to the group. 

"Yeah…so crazy." Quartz attempted to look away.

"You have one chance to explain." She spoke codly.

"Me and Star made Melon and Corn people respectively a long time ago, I think they're having peace on an island." The boy went on. "The culture alone is pretty fascinating with how tribalistic it's gotten. They have their own language and religion."

"That's not what I meant….well okay, I am glad that I have an explanation for that.."

"Wait, does that make you a grandma?" Kelly unhelpfully asked.

"Don't get started on that, I have questions for you in particular about the fusion." Moon sent a subtle threat that had the girl sinking into her own hair. "I mean what the hell were you both thinking? Flags is a terrible game that only the biggest fools even attempt at trying to win."

"But dad plays it all the time." She sent her son a look. "Nevermind."

"Yeah, we figured that out when we realized just how okay everyone is with mutilation." Star rubbed her arms sheepishly. "And you're right mom, Flags is a stupid game that everyone plays for a stupid a reason like bragging rights, which is why we stole as many flags as possible to plant them all on the hill, that way everyone wins and no one has anything to brag about."

Moon stared at all the stolen flags. "It was a noble goal Star … but one nobody would agree with."

"Moon, I have words to say about your children.." Etheria tried to inject into the conversation, but one glance from Kelly showing off Rose's swords made her back away. "...They're great and I'll be going away now." She ran down the hill faster than the quickest manticors the castle had to offer.

"Oh thank goodness she left." Moon let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "You have no idea how hard it is for her to leave once she gets going on a rant."

"I don't know, we have some idea, heh." Quartz said with a weak laugh. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure they were okay and got roped into it."

"It's fine, I'm at least glad you all had some sense knocked into you after all the trouble you've put yourselves through." She patted her children's back and hugged them, regardless of what anyone on her side of the family would think of it.

"I'm glad you're here to help us when things get bad mom." Star spoke, hugging her as well.

"You're both still in trouble." She wasn't going to let them off easily.