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Becoming Rich in Primitive World

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  • 29 Chs
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Sinopse

You were a normal poor boy living in a small village in a big kingdom. Your life was pretty mundane, until all of a sudden, a mysterious system appeared which turned your life. Now you have a goal in mind, make stuff, sell it, get rich, get a bitch. Maybe not in that order.

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Desolate 2021

Who do you trust when your world starts falling apart? Your perfect life was not so perfect. As much as you want to turn around and walk away, you cannot, and your past catches up with you? Jamie takes the blue pill; "you will be fine"; breath; We have been over this before". Close your eyes; this was all just a bad dream. Jamie is convinced she is delusional, but why would her husband and kids lie to her? This does not make sense. I vow to love and protect you through sickness and in health. Your life, your marriage, your kids, were it all a setup? Jamie is a beautiful thirty-two-year-old Asian woman; she loved to travel. Jamie had this indomitable personality that everyone loved. The family came first then her career, pride, and principle are what defined her character. Jamie had her best friend Christopher, she had known him since school, her family loved him and her friends he was outgoing and always had that overpowering charm that a lot of women admired. Christopher then, one evening, "told her how he felt about Jamie". Jamie never saw him more than a friend. But how far will you go for the one person you loved your whole life, fake your death? Create a new identity; Christopher had a past that will make Jamie’s life turn into a nightmare. Jamie is now living in a nightmare, but after her accident, everyone thinks she is delusional. The pills Christopher gives her make her lose bits of her memory. Until one day, Jamie consulted a doctor about her sudden loss of appetite and always feeling tired. When the doctor asked her if she is suffering from anxiety because the doctor found a Benzodiazepine in her blood, this drug is used to calm or sedate a person by raising the level of the inhibitory neurotransmitter gamma-aminobutyric acid, which suppresses the activity of the nerves, which can lead to a psychological disorder. Not only was he giving her the wrong pills to treat her short-term memory loss but also killed her slowly. Your mind is a prison.

Legacy_za · Realista
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129 Chs

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AC_F5Lv4

Well like I said I will give you a more honest review, before you think why the score is low, I will explain the points given to your novel, if your novel improves I will drop a better review.. also I would like to mention your novel is just in the beginning phase so I can't give you higher rating on certain aspects..Now first thing first:writing quality:I would like to give you 2,5 stars but I can't give half stars so for now it will be 3 stars.. I will not give you higher because while your writing is not bad.. like I said before you chapters are too short.. and there are thing you could do too improve your writing quality which I will mention in the second aspect since the improvements concerns both aspectsoverall I will give you 2 stars except writing quality to 3 stars since your writing is not that bad considering other novels I read..story development:the story is interesting although it has some cliche aspect.. but for now it works.. I would consider the story fast paced which I don't particularly like with this kind of novels.. you're going to fast in his development.. you could have slowed down add more details to the novel and or write certain parts longer.. also a point I would like to mention is you expanded so much and fast while not giving a reader the feeling like he has done something admirable.. and another point which I want to mention I will explain in the next aspectcharacter design:You could have more interaction with different characters in your story.. for now it look like the characters you mentioned are just for the sake of MC to have some world around him and help him with his quest/objectivesthere is also the point I would like to mention because of the fast pace.. your MC is using/making era changing invententions but you don't mentioned anything about safe guarding these.. you're introducing new characters helping out with your inventioned but not mentioning any trust/loyalty between the MC and characters while you do setuo the story for multiple possible villains who would could do anything to get your invention/ideas and disposing/exploiting your MC..updating stability:cant say much about this since I haven't bookmarked your novel for now I will give you 2 starsworld background:other than mentioning a few things about the world the MC living there is not much to go around with and I can't give you any higher since your story is just in the beginning phaselast but not least I would like to mention you could improve the novel a lot with making pace of the novel a bit slower.. take some time on completing quests have more interaction with other characters for building better relationships.. there also other things you could do to improve the novel but I won't get into it because it could change your story too much if you would follow those opinions.. I will let you figure it out your self and will only say to not make mistakes like other authors of making things too cliche.. some things are fine and can work for your novel.. but some will destroy your novel..

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