841. Chapter 841

After 47 Seconds

Episode 4.19

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Perhaps I could take over Castle? Rating: K Time: See above.

Kate Beckett was upset when she finished interrogating Bobby Lopez. He refused to admit any connection with the bombing, in spite of the evidence. She smiled to herself when she saw Castle standing by her desk. When she got closer, she saw that he had his coat on and had a grim expression on his face.

"Are you going someplace?"

He nodded. "Home."

"Is there a problem there?"

He shook his head. "No. There's a problem here. I watched you interview Lopez. I heard everything and I remember it, too. Our relationship is over, Detective Beckett." He turned on his heel and walked to the elevator.

It took Beckett several seconds to process what he had said. "Castle, wait…" But the elevator door was closing. She started to run to the stairs, but Captain Gates called to her.

"Detective Beckett. We have something."

"Sir, can you give me just a minute or two."

Captain Gates glared at her. "No. My office. Now."

As soon as she was through with Captain Gates, she took out her phone and called Castle. It went to voicemail. "Castle, please call me. Please let me explain. Please, please call me." At every opportunity during the day, Kate called and texted Castle, but got no response. When she finally got off of work that evening, she drove to Castle's loft and knocked on his door.

"What?" He said, just opening the door a crack.

"Castle, please. Let me explain. We need to talk. Please."

"I've heard all of the lies from you that I ever care to hear." He closed the door.

"Castle! Please. I know I hurt you. I know what I did was cowardly and…"She could hear music coming from inside the loft. Castle had the music on so high that she couldn't possibly get through to him. Shoulders slumped in defeat, she left and headed to her best friend's.

"Kate! What is wrong with you? Is it the case?"

She shook her head and began to cry. "It's Castle. I screwed up and he's gone."

Lanie led her to the couch, got her some wine and listened as Kate told her the whole story.

"You lied to him? What were you thinking of?"

"I wasn't thinking. I was too scared and confused and messed up to think. I just reacted and now I've ruined everything. I don't know what to do."

Lanie just shook her head slowly. "I don't know either, sweetie. If you'd planned this for a month, I don't think you could have found a better way to drive Castle away from you. It may be over between you two, Kate."

"No. It's not over. I won't let it be over. Ever."

"Do you have a plan?"

"No." She admitted.

The next day she resumed calling Castle, explaining to his voicemail as best she could what had gone through her mind when she had lied. "I just want a chance to make things better between us, Castle. I want us to be together, as a couple."

After getting no reply from Castle after a dozen calls, she tried Martha. To Kate's surprise, Martha picked up right away. The conversation was far from pleasant, however.

"Detective Beckett, I'd appreciate it if you never called me or my son again. You've done quite enough damage, and I don't want to see Richard hurt by you any more than he already has been." Martha cut the connection.

When she called Alexis she had an idea of what was in store for her. "I can't believe that you have the nerve to call me." Alexis screamed through the phone. "Don't you ever call me, my grandma, or my dad again. Ever. Do you understand that?" Then Alexis hung up.

Usually, Kate was able to stuff her personal feeling down and concentrate on the case at hand, but not this time. She was miserable without Castle and she didn't seem to be able to concentrate at all on the case. Just on the empty chair by her desk.

Finally, Ryan and Espo came to her about it. "You've been totally out of it for a couple of days now. You aren't paying any attention to the case and we notice that Castle is gone. What's up?"

Kate wanted to tell them that everything was fine, even though it wasn't, but she found herself unable to lie. "I screwed up with Castle. It's all my fault. But I'm going to try to fix it. Until then, I just can't seem to get my head straight. I'm sorry. I know I'm screwing up and putting more pressure on you two, but I just….Sorry." She walked away from them.

Dr. Burke was able to see her on short notice. "You seem very upset, Kate. Is it the bombing?"

Kate began the long story of what had happened with Castle. Dr. Burke nodded sympathetically, but was of little help. "The only thing that will counter act a lie is the truth, Kate. You have to find some way to talk to Mr. Castle, but I don't see how."

Kate nodded, but the beginning of an idea was forming in her mind. Later that night, Kate went to Castle's loft. This time she didn't knock, but took out her lock picks. In seconds, she had the door open. Castle was in his office and looked up as she came in. He strode towards her, clearly angry. "Beckett! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to undo the damage I've done. I'm trying to talk to you."

"You had almost a year to talk. Why is it so important now?" He asked sarcastically. "Need some help on your case to keep your closure rate up? Need a hundred thousand dollars to catch your mother's killer?"

"All I need is you. Just you. I've found out just how awful my life is without you and I can't go on without you. I don't need to be a cop and I don't need to find my mom's killer. I need you." She walked to him and put her arms around his neck and kissed him. He didn't respond.

"Do you really think I'm that dumb? The only thing you have love for is getting your mother's killer. Well, I'm afraid I can't help you, Detective. Now will you get out of my home?"

"No." She walked past him and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the office. She pushed him into his chair and opened up his laptop, going to the word processor.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Writing my letter of resignation from the NYPD." She began typing. "Original goes to the Chief of Personnel, a copy to the Chief of Detective and a copy to Gates." She continued typing. "Dear sirs; Please be advised that I am resigning from the NYPD effective immediately. Sincerely, Katherine H. Beckett, Detective First Grade, 12th Precinct, NYPD. "

She looked around on his desk. "I need a pen to sign this and some envelopes, if I can. I have stamps in my wallet."

"Beckett, are you out of your mind? Resigning?"

"Yes, resigning. It's the only thing I can think of to convince you that I just want you. Just you, Castle. Now where's the printer?" She started to look around, but as she walked to the printer, Castle grabbed her hand and pulled her back. She pulled against him and he pulled harder. She fell back onto Castle and landed on his lap.

"Beckett, what…." Castle could feel her tears falling down onto his face and neck.

"I'm so sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"Can you just try to explain things so I have some idea of what's going on here?"

She put her arms around his neck and snuggled against him. "You've called me remarkable, but I'm not. I'm like an iceberg. You only see the ten percent that's above the water. Maybe than ten percent is remarkable, but it doesn't feel that way to me. The other ninety percent in behind my walls. And there's no remarkable, tough, competent, caring detective there, Castle. There's just a terrified nineteen year old girl who lost her mother and whose father disappeared into a bottle for five years. I tried for three years to find her killer and failed. I failed. And that's how I feel. Like a failure. It's been thirteen years since she died and I'm no closer to finding out who ordered the killing than I was the night she died. When you came to me in the hospital, after telling me that you love me, it was all just too much for that scared girl to handle. First Royce betrayed me and died, then Montgomery lied to me from day one and then he died to protect me. Then you said you loved me, and I still have someone out there trying to kill me. I couldn't handle it. I can only handle it now because the alternative is losing you forever and I won't allow that. You keep saying "Always" to me. That's what you're getting. You'll always have Kate Beckett. If you date another woman, I'll be there, watching you, letting you know that she can't care for you as much as I do. Even if you get married, I'll be there, letting you know she can't love you as much as I do. Always, Castle. Always."

Castle stroked her hair. "You are not an easy woman to love, Beckett."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You know I have walls, too."

"You do?"

"I just react differently. Consider: The first love of my life, Kyra, got on a plane to London and I didn't see her for twenty years. Next was Meredith. She was fun. We were the fun couple. Until she slept with her producer. Next was Gina. I have no idea why I married Gina even now. But failing at another marriage hurt. Then my very first muse decides to blow up the world and kill me. And my second muse…"

"Lied to you and hurt you badly." Kate actually giggled. "You should get a new muse. "

"Nikki Esposito? Can't see it." He kissed her forehead, sending a thrill through her body. "Maybe we can make it, Kate. I hope we can, but please talk to me. If you'd told me you heard me and just asked me for some time, I'd have waited for you for forever. I would do anything for you, Kate. Anything. But we need to talk to each other. To be honest with each other."

"I will. I will."

"So, now in the interest of being honest…." He started to get up.

She hugged him tighter. "No. Don't."

"We need to get up." He gently stood up, and Kate kept her arms wrapped around him. He turned on the electronic board he used for the Nikki Heat books. But to Kate's surprise, her photo was in the middle of it. "I've been doing my own research. I checked out Coonan as best I could and got nothing. Same with the fire marshal, Halstead. I even talked to a professional arsonist. He thinks a really good arsonist could have fooled Halstead, but that's about it. And then… You can read it later, but it's a big zero. And there's one other thing."

He told her about how Roy Montgomery had sent some kind of evidence to a friend to protect Kate, and that he had agreed to keep Kate away from her mom's murder to keep her safe.

"Kate, Montgomery knew you as well as anyone and he knew whoever is behind this. He didn't think you could win. I have to agree with him."

"If I resign, that'll be a sign that I'm not interested any more, won't it?"

Castle took a deep breath. "If I were a very wealthy and powerful man with those kinds of connections, and ruthless, I'd be tempted to kill you. And everyone you might have told: Me, Ryan, Espo, Lanie, your dad, my mom, I don't know how many. I think you should keep your job."

She took his hand and led him to the bedroom. "I have another job in mind right now."

They woke up the next morning when Martha came into his bedroom. "Richard, I need to…"Oh! You have company and….Detective Beckett? What is she doing here?"

Rick sat up, while covering Kate with a sheet. She huddled against him, facing away from Martha. "Kate and I have had a talk."

"Is that what you call this?" Martha asked archly.

"She explained why she lied and we both decided that we want to try to make us work."

"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Kiddo?"

"Yes."

"Grams! Who are you talking to?" Alexis walked through the door. "I thought I heard….Her!" She strode angrily to the bed and pulled on Kate's hair. "Get out of here! How dare you sneak in here and try to seduce my dad." She turned to Rick. "Tell her to go. Now."

Rick shook his head. "We've talked. She's explained why she lied and I accepted it. We're going to try to make being a couple work."

Alexis glared at them both and walked out of the bedroom without saying another word.

"Richard, I think we should have a talk."

"Perhaps when we've gotten dressed? And Kate is included in any conversation we have."

When Martha left, Kate began to cry. "Your family hates me."

"They probably do. Like I said, it's not easy to be in love with you, Kate."

"You love me?" She asked softly.

"Like Martha said, you can't turn love on and off."

"I guess I have some work to do."

"We have some work to do."