100. Chapter 100

After the Dead Pool, Again.

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I would kill to own Castle, but I haven't and I don't. Rating: K. Time: See above

Author's note: You guessed it. There's another After the Dead Pool at Chapter 28.

And, there will be a slight break in these stories. I'm heading back to the San Francisco Bay Area from Arizona for the summer, so I won't be posting until about Monday. But, don't worry. I have the stories through Knockout already done. Plus, I have four chapters of my Caskett sci fi adventure written, so I'll post the first chapter next week some time.

"Always." Kaye Beckett said.

She sat down to do some paperwork. Castle sat in his chair next to her.

Always? Castle thought. I know what that means when I say that to Beckett. It means that I want to be with her always. I want to be with her even if she's with someone else. It means that no matter what, and that covers a lot of ground, I want to be with Beckett. I really am in love with Kate Beckett. There's no denying that. But what do I do? What does she mean when she says always? She's with DMB, who I truly hate, so if I tell her how I feel and she didn't mean always in the same way that I meant always, I'm screwed. If she finds out I love her and she doesn't feel that way about me, she'll want me out of her life. Damn! How do I handle this?

Kate looked at the papers in front of her desk without really seeing them. She had made a move in her complex relationship with Richard Castle and she wasn't sure what to do next. He was jealous of Demming. I wrote that off as his being jealous because he thought that Demming was taking his place on the team. Or, at worse, because he wanted to get me in bed and he didn't like me being with Tom. I broke up with Tom to be with Castle, but he broke my heart. Kate stopped and almost imperceptibly shook her head. No, I broke my own heart. I waited until the last minute to tell Castle I wanted to go to the Hamptons with him. I even told Castle that I was with Tom and that I hoped it wouldn't cause any problems. How the hell was he supposed to know that I was more attracted to him than to Demming?

Then he was with Gina. And I got together with Josh. Everything was good then. I had someone and he had someone. I even thought about maybe double dating. It would have been fun, I thought, the two men in my life. Then he broke up with Gina. I remember how I felt when I heard them break up. He's not with anyone now, I thought. But I was. And I still am. I thought that Josh was the stable, reliable, in it for the long term guy that I wanted. But the more I'm with Castle, the more I want him and the less I want Josh.

Kate smiled, then looked to see if Castle saw. He was looking at his phone. It was so cute when he was jealous of Alex. And best of all, he admitted it to me. He's always acted as if he was insulted that anyone would think that Richard Castle felt anything for Kate Beckett that would cause him to be jealous. Castle was jealous of another man being interested in me. Okay, I did push it a little. I shoved my boobs out when I talked about being with Alex that first night. I wonder if Castle thought something had happened between us? No, I'm still with Josh, officially. Castle knows I'd never cheat on someone I'm with. She smiled again. But he sure looked worried.

I used Castle's word. Always. It means he wants me always. But he wanted his ex-wives always, too. Just because he says it now, just because he means it now, doesn't mean he'll always mean it. Or does it? I know Meredith cheated on him. I can't blame Castle for that. I know him too well to think he drove Meredith to another man. I wish I knew more about his marriage to Gina.

But I've changed things with Castle. He has an idea that I'm not just a one writer girl, but that I'm his one writer girl. And now I'm sitting here terrified that I made a mistake and that he doesn't want anything more than the partnership and friendship we have. Damn it, Castle, say something!

As if on cue, Castle spoke. "So Josh is in Haiti?"

She nodded. "He said he had to go. He'd promised that he'd go. They were willing to let him postpone his work down there, but they really need him. Why?" Please don't be making idle conversation because you're bored, Castle. Please.

Castle took a deep breath. I have to do something. I have to say something. I cannot let this moment pass without doing something. And if Ryan and Esposito come in and interrupt this, I swear I'll kill them. "I kind of owe Alex and apology, but he's out with Espo and Ryan. Knowing them, they'll have him out till all hours at some cop bar, telling him stories about how they single handedly tracked down every killer from John Wilkes Booth to the Son of Sam."

Kate smiled as encouragingly as she could. Damn you, Castle. I don't want to hear about Ryan and Esposito. Do you have something to say to me? If so, tell me, dammit! Tell me! She smiled, not too much, just enough to show she was interested in what he had to say. "And?" She asked.

Here I go. He thought. I'll just start off slowly, just let her know that I think of her as more than a muse. If this works out, I can let her know that I think of her as a hell of a lot more than a muse. "For one, I never should have invited Alex to tag along with us without clearing it with you first. That was wrong and I apologize."

"Apology accepted." Kate hoped there was more.

"And jealousy is not one of the prettier emotions. I didn't treat you like I should. To make up for it, I'd like to take you out to dinner. If that's okay with you. Nothing fancy. I mean I don't want you to get the wrong idea about tonight. Actually, I'd love for you to get the right idea about this invitation. "Maybe Remy's?" He added.

Kate managed to cover her smile with a frown. "So Alex Conrad gets a night out with your poker buddies and I just get burgers at Remy's?" She was trying very hard not to smile.

"Um, no. I didn't mean that…Where ever you want is fine…I just didn't want…You know."

She smiled at him. "To begin with, if we go to Remy's, what do you want to bet that we'd run into Ryan, Esposito and Alex there? We'd have to join them and then we'd spend hours listening to Ryan and Espo brag to Alex. Does that sound like a good idea to you?" And I want to be with you Castle, not them.

He shook his head. "No. Not at all. We could try Amalfi's, the Italian place. It's just a few blocks from here. Do you like Italian? I've eaten there and it's good. We won't have to get dressed up, but if you want someplace fancy, I could try to get a reservation at…"

Kate held her hand up. "No. Amalfi's sounds great. He's cute when he gets rattled like that. He wants us to have a good time, but he doesn't want to intrude on what he thinks is Josh's territory. If I could just tell him how I feel about him.

"Good! Amalfi's it is then."

"Let me get my coat and things." She said, standing up.

I hope this works. They both thought.