Blind Date

 As Ted rushed out, Barney stood there, hand still hanging in the air from when he attempted to pat Ted on the shoulder. He stared at the doors where Ted disappeared behind disheartenly. Bringing his hands together to fix his tie and button his shirt, he spoke in a hushed whimper:

"Oh my god... Ted's homophobic..."

While Barney didn't show it, he had kept an eye on Ted the whole time he was flirting with whatever his name was. Ted kept staring at them, with that contemptuous sort of look. Ted didn't want Barney touching him. And when he was about to seal the deal, Ted totally cock blocked him. It was hard to believe but looking at it now… Marshall was right… Oh god…

'... I can fix this.'

Taking out his phone, he dialed the deleted number from memory. As it rang, Barney's heart raced, he didn't want to do this but if it was the only way to save his friendship… He was willing to do anything… Even if it meant…

"Hello?"

"Ned… It's Barney…"

***

Even though Ted and Barney's night together had ended earlier than expected, that didn't mean the night was ruined for Barney as he made his way across the city. In the crooks of two towering buildings was a small, modest Cafe. It was used as a front and behind that was the raunchiest and sex-positive bar for same-sex people in the city. Barney stood by the bar counter of the nightclub as it was the closest spot to the exit in case he needed to make a fast getaway. He wasn't necessarily scared, but he knew this would be a really uncomfortable meeting. As he sips his Cosmo, a pat on his shoulder startles him so much that he almost spills the drink. Pissed at first, he spins around and comes face to face with his old friend. Ned. He stood there with a condensing smirk, his hands on his hips in a triumphant manner. However, at this moment he was alone, and Barney wasn't sure if that fact was a good thing or not.

"Well, well, well! If it isn't Barney Stinson and in a suit no less. Yum~. Want to come crawling back into our group? Well, you can forget it!"

Barney just looked at him, he didn't want to come back. In fact, taking a few days away from them, he realized Ned was kind of a huge dick. Lary was cheating on Mar-Shell. Mar-Shell was extorting Lary for a place to stay and money. Also, Blue Jay had a huge crush on Ned and Ned used that to manipulate Jay into doing some crazy shit. Still, he needed Ned's help.

"No, Ned, I don't want to come back. I called to meet up 'cause I want to go on that blind date you kept pestering me about last week."

"Whoa! What makes you think I'd give you the privilege of going on this blind date that you said was a waste of time before? And why do you think I would help you in the first place after the way you left, breeder?"

Barney really wanted to punch this guy. He wouldn't even look good in a suit and yet he thinks he's the shit? It was almost comical! But he had a plan and for it to work he needed this blind date. Taking a deep breath, Barney let out a sigh and took out his checkbook.

"Alright, how much do you want?"

"1,000 dollars and make it out Nethanel Jacob." As Barney was writing the check, Ned had a shit-eating grin while he watched and was handed the money.

 "Nice! I'll set up the date and send you the details. Bye!"

"Wait, how do I know you're good for it?"

"Heh, guess you don't. Bye, breeder~"

And with that, Ned left the club. Barney just stood there, wondering if what he did would really help… No, of course, it will! It was his plan! And if anything goes wrong, he can fix it! With that in mind, Barney chugs down the rest of his drink and starts making his way to the dance floor loosening his tie on the way. He might as well get in as much fun as he can before the date. Anything to shake off the feeling that he's just made a deal with the devil himself...

***

Ted dreaded having to meet his friends downstairs in the bar. However, when he saw that Barney wasn't there, he felt both relieved and a bit sour. He sat next to Robin, the girl he once claimed to love on their very first date, now just a really cool and pretty friend. He thought back to his past girlfriends and one-night flings... how he got those flings... who helped him get them... how they first met... how his hand felt... how his lips looked so.... ok, he needed booze again. Just as Wendy set down Ted's beer, he practically inhaled it and that's when she knew she was going to have a long shift tonight looking after this drunk idiot. 

"Oh my god Ted! Slow down, Barney just texted me he can't make it tonight. Jeez! Now will you tell us what's going on between you two?"

Lily sets aside her phone after reading Barney's last message and glares at Ted as she speaks. She's honestly had enough, next it'll be her turn to carry Ted back to his apartment and she didn't feel like doing the extra cardio tonight. Robin gives Ted a concerned look, she guessed he was still struggling with how he felt and although she wanted to just say it out loud, she knew in her heart, it was a bigger deal to him than it was for her. Marshall just looked down, too agitated to even look Ted in the eyes, both ashamed that his friend could be so irrationally hateful and guilty as he spilled the beans to Barney. Everything felt like a mess of emotions and yet no one spoke about it. Finally, Ted talked first once his beer was all gone:

"I uh... I'm gonna talk to Barney later... Just not right now."

"Oh...okay."

Lily accepted the response, she trusted Ted to do the right thing and if she knew Barney, he'd do anything to make this right with Ted. Marshall finally looked up to see his friend's face, hopeful that if they just talked maybe Ted wouldn't hate Barney so much. Robin just gave a solitary nod and took a sip of her beer, glad to still have it in her hands and not down Ted's throat. There was a moment of awkward silence as everyone just looked at their drinks and took small sips. It wasn't until Marshall brought up finding a job that the vibe started lifting and once more beers were brought to the table, the night seemed to just fly by. This is how it's supposed to be, just friends hanging out, drinking beers, and having fun... so why did it seem just a little sad, like Ted was missing something... more alcohol maybe?... Yeah, that had to be it... Just keep drinking and maybe Ted will forget him...

...

As the night was coming to an end and the last call was being made, Ted just sat there, beer in hand with the label all but gone. He missed him. Missed his stupid fake stories, his stupidly expensive suits, and his glass of gin or scotch amongst their beer bottles. His voice, his scent, his... everything! Maybe... yeah, he could call him! Call Barney! Right now! What time is it? No! Calling won't be enough! Ted needed to see him! 

"Hey dude, you okay?"

Carl stared as Ted slumped his head down on the table. This regular was usually very good at controlling his alcohol intake but lately, he's been concerned for Ted's mental state. Sure, it was good for business to have a drinker like him, but having a dead regular wasn't ideal. Carl watched as Ted fumbled with his pockets and dropped his phone. Picking it up, Carl handed it back to Ted and had him unlock it.

"Alright, who do you want me to call, there's no way you're ok to walk home."

"B-Barney… Hic!"

"Alrighty then."

Carl flipped through Ted's contact list and it didn't take long until he got Barney's number. After a couple of rings, an all too familiar arrogant voice rang out along with some kind of disco music in the background.

"Go for Barney!"

"Yo, you got a guy here. He's too drunk to make it home and I can't close my bar if he's still here."

"This is Ted's number… Wait Ted got drunk again? Ah, al-alright I'm on my way, I'll be there in 10."

After hanging up Carl placed Ted's phone on top of the table next to his slumped head. While his eyes were closed, he kept mumbling something about love and finding the one. Carl didn't know and didn't care, he was overworked and too tired to deal with anything else. As Carl was cleaning the last table, the door swung open and Barney appeared, his suit jacket was in his arms and his tie hung loosely on his neck and was undone, along with half the buttons on his shirt. Spotting Ted, still half asleep on top of the table, Barney rushed to his side. Taking Ted's phone and placing it safely in his own pockets, Barney attempted to lift Ted's arm over his shoulder. Ted was reluctant at first but when he saw blonde hair, he leaned closer towards Barney. Almost in a snuggling cutesy manner, Ted wrapped his arms around Barney's shoulders lovingly, nuzzling his face against Barney's neck. Barney struggled to drag Ted out the doors, saying his thank yous and goodnights to Carl and Wendy, he managed to get Ted into his apartment building. Along the staircase, away from prying eyes, Ted started feeling up Barney's exposed chest from behind as Barney kept leading the way to Ted's door. Just when they made it and Barney turned the spare keys, Ted had found his nipple and pinched it a bit too hard.

"Ngh! T-Ted!"

Caught off guard, Barney grabs and pushes Ted through the door then quickly closes it. What the hell was that? Against his better judgment, Barney reached a shaky hand and opened the door again. What greeted him was a passed-out Ted lying on the floor along with his jacket that went flying with him. Barney was so confused. Hugging was the norm for a drunk Ted, groping was new but he just chalked it up to not getting laid in a while, but that pinch was…something else. If Ted did that and he knew he did it to Barney, Ted would probably stop hanging out with him for a long time. No! Barney couldn't let that happen! Between having left his other friend group and barely seeing his current friend group, his days were filled with just working and sleeping around. The loneliness was getting to him that he started talking to his liquor bottles! This never happened! Once the blind date happens, everything will go back to how it used to be. Back to how it's supposed to be…right?

With that in mind, Barney placed Ted's phone on the coffee table then lifted and dragged him the rest of the way and helped him get into bed. Carefully he made his way out, grabbing his jacket and looking back to make sure nothing was too out of place, already forgetting what had happened before-no don't think about it! Angry but mostly embarrassed, Barney locks the door and slams it shut, half hoping it'll annoy Ted but also not wanting him to wake up and remember what didn't happen. Just when Barney was standing outside the door, his phone buzzed and he felt like he knew what that message was about. God it didn't even take him 12 hours and Ned was already in need of money. Annoyed, Barney whipped out his phone and saw the message.

Ned: Hey, the blind dates good to go. Meet him at the Cafe front for lunch sunday. His names Josh and also I need $500. Send that and Ill give you more info on the guy ;) 

Barney just stared in disbelief but then scoffed. He should've expected this from that bastard! He really didn't want to give this prick any more money but having more information is always beneficial. Especially since this plan needed to succeed, Barney felt a lump in his throat. He sent Ned an "ok" and after a few minutes, another message was sent to him. Likes, dislikes, hobbies, it was everything he needed and didn't need to know. Now his plan could go smoothly, but that was for later. Right now, after experiencing so many different emotions, Barney just wanted to go home and sleep.