Gil-kun and the House

"Here it is. This is the place in which I've been staying."

"Wow! It's so perfect! Did you make it?"

"Infuriatingly enough, yes. I do miss having subjects to perform my tasks in my place, but I suppose it is what it is."

"... what the hell is this?"

"A shed."

"This bundle of sticks barely held together is where you insist I shall spend the night?"

"I'm most surely not insisting, in fact, you can go away right now."

"Unbelievable, even for the King of Knights, this is a new low..."

"My blade feels kind of funny in my hands, perhaps I should swing it a bit..."

"Come on, you're a king, aren't you? How can you be satisfied with this?"

"Well, of course, I'm not satisfied, but do you have a better plan? Does your vault contain an entire palace?"

"No, my treasury doesn't have such a thing... but what it does have is lots of gold."

Gilgamesh retorted as he opened a huge portal and golden columns, pillars, plates, tiles and much more reversed on the ground. 

"I shall use this gold to make such a humble abode worthy of my presence and my sleep!"

"Wow, you really are swimming in riches, Goldie!" 

"Well, what do you think, King of Knights?"

"You moron."

"What?"

"You moron! Remove this gold immediately!"

"How dare you say that!"

"Idiot! Think for a second! This place is full of bugs and lizards but of mastodontic proportions, so let me ask you this: what do you think hunts them?"

"Hunts them? What are you talking ab-"

Just then, they heard a distant sound, a familiar one, but it was as if it was amplified a hundred times. The wind started flowing all around them, getting stronger and stronger just like the sound.

The trees started getting blown away, the house started trembling, and the ground cracked. 

They looked up. A bird as big as two or three planes was flying down at supersonic speed, clearly having seen something that interested him.

"You're telling me that creature is attracted by gold?"

"Of course, mongrel. It is a bird after all."

"Then you're the reason it showed up..."

"I couldn't imagine that something this big would appear!"

"Don't worry, Mr. Pop Pea, I'll keep you safe."

"Stop worrying about that damn peng-"

"You damn monster! I won't let you destroy my house!!!"

Salter screamed as she leaped up while the bird was opening his beak to try to swallow her. She charged up her sword as she readied her strike.

"EXCALIBUR MORGAN!!!"

The attack atomised the creature and left a huge hole in the ground. The force of the attack shocked Nero and even the King of Heroes. She looked back at them with a serious and prideful expression, knowing perfectly well the effect that her power and her presence had.

There was a moment of silence. Then, Nero tried loosening the tension.

"Good job! Perfect timing too, the house was about to break apart. But you intervened just in time."

There was a loud crash behind her. Both she and Gilgamesh slowly turned around. They knew what had happened. They knew what the sound meant. They knew how the King of Knights was feeling at that moment. They finally looked back. Just as they had guessed. The house had fallen apart, reduced to rubble.

"..."

"... yeah, on second thought, I guess we don't really need my gold. ... a-anyway, that was excellent, King of Kn-"

"SHUT. UP."

"..."

"Go fetch some wood and bring it back here. NOW."

"Y-yes, sir."

"And you."

"M-me?"

"Stop talking before I seal your mouth forever. Start building the foundations with the rubble. Now."

"Y-yes! It shall be done!"

"And you, penguin."

"?"

"Don't make a sound or I'll have bird meat for dinner."

"..."

Salter started working on rebuilding her home together with Nero. She was clearly seething and Nero figured it would be in her interest to keep quiet just as ordered. She didn't want to end up like that bird, reduced to ashes. Once Gilgamesh returned with some wood, he lent a hand too. 

It was an uncharacteristic sight, the King of Heroes and the Artist Emperor both in complete silence. But it was for a good reason. In the meantime, Salter was thinking about the pros and cons of every murder method she could conceive in her mind. 

She hated people with such a nonchalant attitude. Why did she even agree to have them stay over?

Not too long ago, in an alternate timeline...

"Saber! Shinji! A stray cat! How cute! Let's follow him! Maybe he will lead us to where Sakura and Shirou are, that way we can defeat them quicker!"

"Can't you be a bit more serious? We were discussing something important!"

"Hehe, but is it more important than living? To do silly and stupid things is to live! That's why we continue to invent games, distractions, things we don't really need to survive. Because in the end, we need them just as much as food, water, and sleep. They satisfy our humanity. Oh no, it's running away! Quick, Shinji, let's follow him."

"Y-yes."

"All I wanted was a burger..."

 "Saber! Saber!"

"Saber! Other Saber!"

"Huh?"

"I-I'm sorry to interrupt your thoughts... b-but... we finished the house, I think..."

Salter snapped back to reality and looked forward. It was more or less as if nothing had happened.

"W-what do you think?"

"Passable. I'm still thinking if I'm letting sleep here or not."

"P-please do! I'm so tired! We've been walking for hours! We've fought so much and it's starting to get dark. Please, if not for us, for Mr. Pop Pea's sake."

"I'll do it if you shut up."

"Ok, sure!"

"Hold on a moment, tired? How can we feel tired when we are Servants? Now that I think about it, I'm also feeling hungry and I can't turn into spirit form. You can't either, King of Knights?"

"No. Can you, emperor of Rome?"

Nero shook her head.

"Then, King of Heroes, this must mean..."

"We have, at the very least, partially achieved incarnation."

"Indeed. Considering this is a world created by Alaya, it doesn't surprise me too much that she can freely set rules and control it at will. Well, functioning as a human is certainly a hindrance, especially regarding traveling."

"Yeah. Food and water are a problem too."

"In general, yes. Water most of all. I haven't seen a river yet, so it could be a scarce resource."

"This could certainly be problematic if you were to travel alone. However! I, the King of Heroes, need not worry of such things, since my Gate of Babylon removes the problem entirely. And if you accept to travel with us, other Saber, then I might just be kind enough to share some of my sublime supplies with you."

"I see, trying to extort a king with added comfort is a cowardly tactic, but not a bad one. I'll think about it in my sleep. For now, it is my understanding that we are all tired and most importantly... hungry."

Nero nodded energetically. 

"I admit, I myself have started feeling the need to fill my stomach with something that can please my tongue." Gilgamesh conceded with a smirk.

"Very well. Then follow me."

"Huh? Where?"

"I know a place."

They started walking.

"Uh, this is really a problem... if I find my Saber, how am I supposed to address this Saber? I can't keep calling her King of Knights in front of my beloved... Mmm, Saber... from an alternate timeline... so Altered Saber... Saber Alternate... Saber Alter... Sa...lter... Salter, yeah, Salter sounds good. What do you think, mongrel?"

Nero looked at him and lifted her shoulders.

"Are you seriously not going to talk anymore?"

Nero nodded.

"I wish you would have done so a few hours ago..."

Nero frowned and gently punched Gilgamesh, before holding onto Mr. Pop Pea and petting his head.

"Anyway, where are we heading, Salter?"

"Salter?"

"That's the name I shall call you by."

"You think you can refer to a king however you please?"

"Well, I don't really care about your opinion, since I'm the only true king. In fact, I built that house not because you ordered me, but just because I decided it would be nice for me, the king, to help out you two, my subjects, in such a long task."

"Yeah, sure. Good, King of Heroes, if you refuse to respect my regality, then I'll stop acknowledging yours. From now on, I'll call you Galter."

"You sure dare a lot, but since you have proven to be a valuable asset, I guess I shall surrender for now to tiredness and mercy and allow your bravado, Salter."

"Ugh, you two really are the worst."

"What did I do? O-oh, s-sorry, I'll shut up..."

"I didn't mean that you have to keep quiet forever, foolish emperor. You may talk, but with reason and moderation."

"But of course! My name is Nero Reason Moderation Claudius, after all!"

"I regret it already... we've arrived."

Salter said as she stared forward, towards a not-distant clearing. Over there, there was a modern building, with a huge sign that anticipated the rest of the structure that had a bright and colourful writing:

DINER